1.20.2012

A little truth about child rearing...winter edition.

Yesterday, when I tweeted this...

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some of you wrote back with the likes of "aww, that is so sweet! Isn't playing with your kids so much fun?" and "you are such a good momma. Aren't these times the best?" See, I think you may have misunderstood me. Yes, I was in tears. And it was very, very joyful. However, those tears were the result of my unbridled laughter at seeing my three year get whipped off the sled at high speed and skidding face first across the snow. But we'll save that for a little later in this story...

Let's start with...what is wrong with children? I mean, they like to stuff m&m's up their nose, they would rather, literally, eat dirt than vegetables, they can watch the same movie over and over and over and over and over all day long and oh yes, they actually enjoy playing out in the freezing cold snow. For hours. And the only problem with that? Momma has to go out and play with them. And it completely sucks. Let's review the process, shall we?

kids beg and beg to go out and play
finally, mom says yes
it takes approx. half an hour to get all their gear on, all the while they are bitching and complaining because they are "too hot" and "my pants are too tight" and "my glove keeps coming off" and "mooooommm!!! I have to pee."
Then you take them outside, and the wind is whipping snow in your face and you are freezing cold and you forgot to wear socks with your wellies so your toes are frozen and you have to take pictures of the whole thing to document which in turn results in your fingers practically falling off from frostbite.

But you always hear from mothers... "it was so worth it."


I'm here to tell you friends that those people lie.

And I can prove it.

Does this look like the face of a happy child?

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Does this?

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I'm telling you, there is nothing like a snow packed pacifier shoved in your mouth that screams this. is. so. much. fun. Oh wait, falling down and not being able to get back up because of the mountainous layers of clothing is right up there also.

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Wait, he looks a tad happier here, doncha think?

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(I can imagine what he is thinking... "I trusted you mom. You were supposed to take care of me and not put me through all this torture just so you can take pictures and put them on your blog. I am not a toy. You just wait though, I have plans to put you through hell during my pre-teen years. Sucker.")


Not all was lost, though. My three year old is just old enough to somewhat enjoy playing all day in the snow. With momma trailing along of course, hot chocolate in tow. Oh who are we kidding. It was mostly vodka in that cup.

You all know me too well.

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We fed the horses...

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aaaaannnd I guess the white stuff does make for a good backdrop for impromptu momma photoshoots...

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And ok FINE. There were a few smiles during this little outing.

See?

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And finally, what you have all been waiting for. The reason behind my tears of sweet, sweet joy. Hubs and I hooked the sled up behind the tractor, and took the boys for a ride. The little one didn't like it much, so he preferred to stay in the drivers seat with dad.

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But Gunner? He was in winter wonderland heaven.

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After a few tame rides around the neighborhood, I told hubs to "take that corner right there really fast and try to flip him off." As I have stated on this blog before, at the bottom of this post and this post, I feel my job as a momma is to prepare my kids for the real world. Hence my desire for hubs to throw my firstborn off the sled and get all that icy goodness glued to his face.

Hey, life isn't all roses and fun sled friends.

I wasn't sure he was going to do it, (he doesn't like causing grief to our kids and he definitely doesn't share my feelings in getting complete amusement out of our kids' misfortunes) but after me asking over and over again, he finally did it. Hubs whipped around that corner and it was like watching bowling in the snow.

It was magical, friends.

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We circled back to retrieve our now shivering, baffled little angel baby, and I just could not help myself. His face of utter confusion and betrayal was priceless. And I lost it. Hot tears dripped down my face. And those were the tears I was talking about.

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And the best part? He shouted "daddy you made me fall off! I'm mad at you!" And didn't speak to him for the rest of the night.

Now that was worth it.


81 comments

  1. Hahaha, I'm laughing my ass off. I hope I'm the kind of mom you are:) And you look like a hottie in your snow photoshoot:)

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  2. hahahah oh man this post is def one of my favs, hilarious! They are still so cute though in all that snow! :-) Love the photoshoot obviously!

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  3. hhahha omg that was too funny! Love this post! Your boys are too cute though. And you look gorgeousssssss!

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  4. This makes you an AWESOME mom! The real world will hurt a lot more than some snow in your face. Glad you're teaching them now! =D "Momma doesn't raise no sissies."

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  5. oh my heavens...you are my hero! :) haha

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  6. oh my gosh! That is hilarious!

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  7. Oh how i wish it would stop raining and start snowing here! Playing in the rain is worse! ps you look pretty as always in your mama pics:)

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  8. So.Freakin.Funny!!!! You have the best parenting skills, for real! I love how real you are.

    And what a beautiful place!!!

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  9. Oh MY G-D....I am seriously DYING!!! I'm reading this at work in a COMPLETELY silent office! My eyes are filled with tears bc I am holding in my laughter! lol

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  10. & P.s. You look GREAT!! IDK what all these posts are about how you need to get into shape?? I WISH I looked like you!! :)

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  11. OMG. So much fun. You are too funny lady. You looked hot, impromptu, you looked model like. :)

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  12. hahaha wow that is hilarious!!! love the pics- you are gorgeous!!!

    p.s. send some snow to VA!!!! haha

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  13. OMG that was funny! Love it! You look great btw...

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  14. Who looks that dang cute while playing in the snow with their kids? Hair curled and everything..looking good!

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  15. LMAO. you are tooo friggin' funny! love those pictures!!

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  16. OMGEEEEEE....the look on poor G's face...hahahha.......bet that he wont ask to go out and play for awhile, huh?!?

    You are so pretty :)

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  17. Bahahaahahaha this made me laugh and laugh and laugh. It brought back all the times at the lake when we would run crying to my mom after being whipped off the sled behind the ski doo, thinking she was crying with us. Betrayed, I know the truth.
    PS - LOVE the snow bunny look! Hot mama!!

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  18. Oh my gosh!!! I am laughing so hard!' my dad used to do that with his boat and the tube & I'd get SO mad!

    Ps you are one freakin hot mama!!!

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  19. Bahahaha. This is priceless. Can't wait for you to show them this in about twenty years.

    And why in the hell dont i look That good going out to play in the snow??!!? You look smokkinnnn hott!

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  20. Bahahahaha! I was almost in tears reading this! I agree though! Life is not always fun, why not prepare them for that now. Haha!

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  21. Hahahaha! That. Is. Hi-larious!

    Better to pull these shenanigans off now while they don't know any better.

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  22. Oh my gosh hahaha bless it! Love it!! Too funny!

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  23. 1. you are one hot biatch in the snow
    2. i love my two little boys
    3. great story
    4. that last part? i would have died as well. fabulous raven, raven!

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  24. i actually just cried tears of joy from laughing so hard while I read this. thank you. and you look amazingggg in those pictures!

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  25. omg raven, i CAN'T with your stories! i swear once i start popping out little ones, i'm calling you for momma advice 24/7! LOVE this life lesson for the boys, you are just too funny!

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  26. Absolutely hilarious!! Dying laughing over here!!

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  27. You are a completely fabulous Mom! I mean I laughed the whole way through this. I love your honesty and wish I had a friend like you when my kids were smaller! And I love the part about the toddler having plans to get you back when he's a preteen...trust me, that's no joke!! But in the end they adore their Mama who's so much fun!!
    xo
    Sharon

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  28. Bahahaha! Too funny!!! My 14 month old had the same expression as little Coltie when I took him out. Same picture too. Priceless!

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  29. Hahaha! Love it, totally something I would do. Especially love that last picture, totally confused. :)

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  30. That is so hilarious! But it does look really fun! I'm sure one day he will appreciate all the crazy things you let him do, even if he does make your life a living hell as a teenager.

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  31. Hahahaha! I think gunner has been having that one coming all week. Hilarious!!! Remeber when grandpa used to do that and we would be running down the street chasing after him until he noticed we fell off? =D nice. Glad to see you just rolled out of bed and headed out there to play! ;)

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  32. Momma, you are so gorgeous! Whoa! Those pictures of you are amazingly beautiful!


    Okay, so now for your action post. HILARIOUS. Your boys are to die for. So cute! LOVE YOUR FAMILY, Raven!

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  33. Momma, you are so gorgeous! Whoa! Those pictures of you are amazingly beautiful!


    Okay, so now for your action post. HILARIOUS. Your boys are to die for. So cute! LOVE YOUR FAMILY, Raven!

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  34. haha! my dad used to do this to use with the 4-wheeler... and i turned out fine. lol!
    you look gorgeous! i LOVE that outfit!

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  35. hahaha OMG I am laughing so hard.
    You're boys are way to cute!
    and you look FAB in the snow.

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  36. This why we are friends and why I love you!

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  37. I can always count on your posts to make me laugh! Too funny!

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  38. Haha! Love the pictures of your little snow angels. I'm pretty sure my dad believed in the same philosophy of getting enjoyment out of my misfortunes and I turned out fine, so I think you might be on to something with flipping your first-born off of a sled. Keep up the excellent parenting; I enjoy your stories :o)

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  39. Ha! It IS your job to toughen up those boys! You keep on doing what you're doing and you'll have two rugged little boys to marry off. I've got a cute little lady who just might be interested in an application for your daughter-in-law...

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  40. I wish I was on that sled with him! Looks like fun! Too funny! I hope I look as good as you do in the snow with my kids!!

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  41. Seriously. cracking. the eff. up!

    You are speaking my language with the going out and playing in the cold... how can they have so much fun for soo long and don't forget the part about it being freezing cold out?!?! Oh to be a kid again!

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  42. LOVE your hair :) It looks awesome!

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  43. LOL!!! That is hysterical and really mean all at the same time! Haha!
    I bet he will have his revenge, when he's older. Somehow... :P

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  44. Its so funny but so mean, I just love you. haha LOVE THE PICS!

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  45. dying laughing right now... that is hysterical. do feel a little bad for Gunner though haha poor thing.. but hey at least he was mad at daddy and not you :) too funny!!

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  46. That's awesome! Y'all are freakin' hilarious!

    My kid's favorite activity is to "drive" our farm truck w/ his dad. He's almost two years old... ;)

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  47. Oh and you are the cutest snowbunny!

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  48. Youre FREAKING HILARIOUS Raven!!! I love you, like seriously!

    As soon as I saw the snow pictures.. I was like OMG I wanna take Sadie in the snow! My grandmother lives up in Philly and I was supposed to go on winter break (from my school) but my dad didnt have any tickets left so he gets new ones in Jan (now) so I am trying to plan a few days to be able to take her perferably with some snow! And oh boy I would hate to do the whole dress up thing every day with layers and layers with kiddies! props to you mama!

    and speaking of vodka in the cup, I am drinking some now, with sprite and cran! love it! haha.

    and dear mama, WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!? needing to look good in that bikni or losing weight?!?!?!?! YOU ARE HOT HOT HOT!! H-O-T! So tiny you are! look awesome! NOW that my friend, is "thinspiration". Mind if I print that out and tape it to my fridge!?!? lol JK! but yeah totally, I need to get my ass in gear before spring break arrives, IT WILL BE HERE BEFORE I KNOW IT and summer. Ready, 1 2 3 GO! lol

    GORGEOUS and ADORABLE kids!

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  49. Between the cuteness of your kiddos and the hilariousness of this post I am dying over here!

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  50. You have me rolling here!
    The pictures are awesome and I hate you guys for wearing such "light" snow clothes!! When we go out, it's like artic weather outside, top to bottom warm clothes and coats, etc. and still freeze are assssssssssssssssssssssssssseeeessss off!

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  51. Stunning photos of you mama!

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  52. First, you look amazing.
    Second, I bet "anonymous" will call CPS for abuse. Hahahahahaha. One thing about it, your boys will never be called "pussy." Hahahahaha. Have a good weekend.

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  53. Love it. You look gorgeous. Seriously- I would be a bundled up, hot mess in that snow. Brr. I hate being cold. You guys will laugh about that day forever. Too fun.

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  54. You are hilarious! You look gorgeous with the snow backdrop! I die when you torture your boys! Way to make them tough!! I love it!

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  55. I laughed so hard, I cried! These moments are the best though.

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  56. You're hysterical. Makes me wish (kinda) for snow.

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  57. Oh my gosh I'm in tears! Tears of laughter! I laugh at our nephews when balls go flying across the room & whacks one of them right square in the face! Those times are priceless & too funny! They'll laugh at them one day too!

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  58. Haha oh God, I am not looking forward to next year when my child actually wants to go outside in the snow. So far this year, no snow, and I'm not sure that she'd want to go out in it though knowing her... Probably =\ I am praying my husband will want to do all that while I watch from the window. In the warm house. With coffee.

    You look fab by the way!!

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  59. First off, you look HOT!!!!
    Secondly, I would so do the same thing, but since I don't have kids, I may need to take my neice sledding! Not condoning child abuse in anyway, but I remember biffing it in the snow quite a few times, builds character, right??? ;)

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  60. Sooo I'm sitting home alone Saturday night... drinking wine of course... what's one of the first places I come to for a laugh? You never fail me!!!
    Hilarious!! I love the hot momma pic.

    PS - Are you so bummed about Picnik? What are we going to do?!

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  61. Haha!!! Hilarious that is totally something that I would do to my kids!!

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  62. oh my goodness!! this story!!! that last pic is epic.... its like "wait, what just happened?!'

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  63. Aww your pictures are adorable and you look so gorgeous!! xoxo

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  64. aw those pooor little peanuts! hahaha--see I am never going to be a fun mom like this because I even freak out when my husband teases my puppy. haha but I love the STUNNED picture of gun after being flipped off! yessss! and colts cute red cheeks! ahhh--- I agree though because I hate the snow and would NOT like going in the snow to play. nope :/

    love you!

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  65. Ha! This post just made me laugh my ass off.

    I now know what kind of momma I will be ... real life for the future kiddos.

    Haha!

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  66. Ha! This post just made me laugh my ass off.

    I now know what kind of momma I will be ... real life for the future kiddos.

    Haha!

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  67. this totally made my sunday afternoon. and kinda gave me baby fever... which i haven't had in a while. i guess i want my own kid to throw off a sled, or wake board around these parts..

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  68. Raven you are so beautiful and I am in tears..every single time I read your blog. Hilarious! I can't wait to have my own kids to torture :)

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  69. OMG!!! I am dying. I quite possibly have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard!!! That picture is priceless. OMG.

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  70. This is hilarious, BUT more importantly, you look GORGEOUS in these photos!

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  71. HAHAHAHA I am dying laughing!! Thanks for sharing you are hilarious!

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  72. and all i can think about is how gorgeous/hot you look in those pictures!

    and of course, i laughed a bit too :)

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  73. OH MY GOODNESS!!! I love this so so so so so so much. Seriously. Amazing. And I completely agree about how horrible being out in snow is. No thanks. :)

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  74. I can see why people want you to cut your baby's hair. He looks so cute with his hood on with it pulled out of his face! You can actually see his face! So much cuter! I realize this is over a year ago so I am sure you have cut it by now. Having fun catching up on your blog!

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