The eBay Whore

She sits there. Eyes glued to the computer screen. She doesn't blink, her pupils are large. Rabid, almost. Her ass is numb from sitting for so long but she doesn't care, those Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses are going to be hers one way or another. The garbage is overflowing and the cats are on the brink of starvation. She has locked herself in the basement and ignores all pleas from her worried parents yelling from upstairs. She hasn't eaten in days and at this point, she has moved into the bathroom because well, everyone has to do their biz.

Yes, eBay whore is sitting on the pot, computer on lap, shaking fingers hovering over "place bid." Get in her way? She'll cut you.

Meanwhile, I have a few minutes to spare in my super busy, productive day so I sit down and browse used sunglasses for sale on eBay. I have been wanting a quality pair for a while now but didn't want to spend hundreds of dollars. As I thumb through a few pages of good-but-not-quite-what-I'm-looking-for sunnies, I spot them. Third page, second item down. An almost in perfect condition pair of black Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses. A little scratch on the side frame but for this price? I must have.

I see there is about three hours left before bidding is closed, so I make a mental note to come back in two hours forty five minutes and check on the progress. I might even set the alarm on my phone so I don't forget. Good one Raven. "I am so good at this eBay stuff," I tell myself. 

I leave the computer and do some laundry, maybe take a shower and prep for dinner. I have all but forgotten about those beloved sunglasses when my phone alarm goes off. Oh yeah, eBay! I fast walk (but don't run) to the computer, open it up and see there is only two more minutes available to bid, and the price is still reasonably low! I watch the seconds tick down and when there is only one minute left, I put in my bid. $59.50 for a pair of gently used designer sunglasses. 

My bid goes through. Score! I won! I may not be an eBay expert but how good am I to put in the winning bid at the very last minute? I set down the computer and do a little happy dance, picturing those black beauties sitting atop my nose while laying by the pool on our upcoming Las Vegas trip.

I get out my credit card and sit back down, ready to pay for my win when I see it. A pop-up screen that tells me in no uncertain terms "sorry, you did not win this product. You have been outbid."

Come again? This has to be a mistake. I put my bid in with one. minute. remaining. One! How did this happen? Who out-bid me at the very. last. minute?!

Ebay whore. That's who. 

Good job eBay whore. I'm sure those shiny black Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses will look lovely on you sitting in the basement in your parents house.

I hate you eBay whore.