Sometimes, certain things happen in life that change a person. Changes who they are, how they react, how they view life and whether or not they want to off themselves.
Oh, and when it happens twice? In one lifetime?
Complete and utter devastation. Doom. Disaster. End of times.
Might-as-well-call-yourself-a-liberal-and-advocate-for-free-obamaphones.
What am I talking about? Let me get you up to speed here...
I had a precious, precious baby boy on March 14th, 2010. He was born within five hours of arrival at the hospital and only required 2.5 vaginal pushes. When he first came out, I noticed the abundance of goo and sticky-ness all over him and promptly asked the nurses to clean that thing off before handing it to me but more so, I saw what an incredible head of hair goobaby had. I mean...amazing.
day one of being alive
That head of hair kept on keepin' on, as it grew into the most amazing ringlet curls you ever did see on a little boy. And the naysayers who told me to cut it? Sheeew....I'll cut you if that's alright.
It was beautiful.
I prided myself on his long, thick curly hair. I loved it. And no amount of anyone telling me to cut it would detract me. I mean, the ringlets! Seriously?!
But then we went to the Caribbean and left the kids with my parents. And my mom decided to take Colt for a haircut. "Just to trim his bangs" she said.
Mmhmm. Right.
That visit "just to trim his bangs" ended up with this hack masterpiece...
I came home from the Bahamas and wanted to cry. And I did. Hard, bad, ugly tears.
I was so pissed that I just said "eff it," and shaved his entire head.
We were heading off to Hawaii the next week (where my dreams of having a long haired surfer baby frolicking in the ocean were demolished into teeny tiny pieces) and my mom tried to make a funny by saying "well maybe they will think he's a Make-A-Wish baby and give you special attention."
Really funny mom, real funny.
That was almost one year ago. And finally, finally, my little angel baby's hair was growing back.
this photo was taken just a few days ago
Fast forward to yesterday. I asked Rob if he could be home between 11 and 2 so I could go visit my sister and her new baby. I had a very relaxing time at my sisters house holding my sweet little Poppy, relishing in my time alone and feeling confident in the fact that my kids were in good hands.
I kissed Poppy and the twins goodbye, got in my car, jacked up some old skool Britney and arrived back at home in record time. I walked in the door and as per the usual, both kids came bombarding towards me with hugs and kisses.
Except.
Oh Except.
What I saw next I don't think I will ever be able to erase from my memory. See, my love for my kids is tethered to their appearance. They look good, I look good. They look bad? Well, wasn't me...
Cute kids are just easier to love...
But for all seriousness. I have an image to upkeep. I am the tree. My kids are the branches. They are a reflection on me. And when I came home from visiting my precious newborn niece and saw this???
WHAT! THE! F&%K?!?!?
I mean...I just...I....I....I HAVE NO WORDS!!!
Turns out, while I was rocking the presh Poppy to sleep a mere ten miles away, my husband decided to take the kitchen scissors and give my youngest a trim.
In his exact words:
"he wanted his hair out of his eyes so I got it out of his eyes."
Yes, yes you did Rob. You did indeed get his hair out of his eyes. Thank you for that, btw, as in the past few hours he has been compared to a few pretty impressive people.
Such as Lloyd Christmas from Dumb & Dumber...
right down to the em-effing missing tooth!!
and Ishmael from Kingpin...
really?? did he have to cut his bangs so far back?!
The text comments I received were the icing on the cake, however.
From my mom - Omg! Which bowl did he use?
From my cousin - Is Rob drunk?
From my sister - Well at least now you have good blogging material.
From my other sister - Buahahahahahahahahaha!!!
I am just SO heartbroken.
I mean, could you love a face haircut like this?
Well??!?
ps. your guys' comments on instagram last night? Had me rolling. So thankful for you all to make light of such a situation. You provided me with many good laughs.
ps. your guys' comments on instagram last night? Had me rolling. So thankful for you all to make light of such a situation. You provided me with many good laughs.
105 comments:
okay, i'm laughing out loud right now. i don't want to but i can't help it. sorry Coltie. but, seriously. what was rob thinking????? that haircut is just #$$$%^&*
Wow, big problems you have. With all the bad things that happen in the world and your kid gets a bad haircut. Life is SO ROUGH for you.
hahahaha that was so funny. it made me laugh and i was in need of that.. you know what's best about hair?it grows back again!! =)
Bea =)
dailylivingingeneva.blogspot.com
I first saw this on Instagram and it STILL has me peeing myself laughing.
You couldn't GET a worse haircut.
Questions is Raven.....what have you done about it THIS time?
Oh man, you're going to have to hide all the sharp objects when you leave the house from now on! Poor Colt and poor Mom! Is Rob stil alive? Or did you banish him somewhere???
I could see it looking like that if your son tried to cut his own, but your husband! Oh my... Glad your little one is still adorable and that there are professional hairstylists to fix it up!~
OMG I die! I hope you kicked your husband! He is still cute though :)
You could shave it again. He looked pretty cute that way.
Not that he doesn't look cute with long hair :)
Ok, so I too have a some (ok, a lot) of love for my little guy's floppy waves. I would ugly cry, and kill my husband. Maybe not in that order.
ok i am glad that you referenced jim carrey because when i first saw Rob's job, I thought of dumb and dumber! His hair WILL grow back, we know that but I LOVED HIS RINGLETS!! Never trust a man with scissors!
Hahahaha the poor guy! At least he looks happy and isn't at the point where he would have to rock that at school. I was going to say, ask Rob if he would want that haircut but he would probably just be happy to have hair ;-)
Holy shit I am dying, DYING. I just peed. Hahahaa I would SCALP my husband, but Rob is bald, so your screwed. The comparisons are hilarious. I just can't, there are no words. Shave it.
Have you drawn up the divorce papers yet, hahahaaa
Oh no! I tried to cut my sons hair once and I screwed it all up. I know what you mean tho about how if your kids look good you feel good. I was so embarrassed to take him anywhere. It was so short I couldn't really fix it..just had to wait it out. I'm so sorry!
Everyone's entitled to their own opinion, but if you don't like it, then don't read it. It's a humorous piece- I doubt she's going to start organizing letter campaigns and marching to protest her husbands hair cutting skills and the injustice of the situation. Lighten up. I'm a serious person with a stick up my a$$ most times and even I laughed at it.
LOL @ the comparisons between Colt and Lloyd Christmas and Ishmael!! It will grow back, but until it does, I would be holding it over Rob's head. Every. Frickin'. Day. You need to start a website for other to submit their hair don't pictures. LOL I remember when my mother in law took my niece for a "trim" and cut her butt length hair to her chin. I died and told her I probably would have killed her if it were my daughter.
Oh my! First of all I don't think I would have spoken to my mom if she cut my sons hair while I was on vacation, wow! And then again for your husband to do it. Those pictures are too funny not to laugh about it but I'd be upset too. Love(d) those curls. :)
Oh My Word.....sorry but that is some funny shiz!!!! I can't believe Rob cut his hair, I mean it kinda looks like Colt cut it himself, ha! So, did you buzz it all off or are you leaving it??!! Guess you can't leave sweet Colty with anyone in fear of his hair being cut off!
Dying over here...coffee all over the monitor when I saw the side by side with Lloyd!!
Amanda
Oh Nooooooooooo. That is the worst haircut I have ever seen, I would have KILLED my husband! Did you??! Poor thing. I completely agree about kids look good/mom feels good.
Oh My Gosh! I would have died! Colt could have done a better job than that! I think I would cut his hair like Gunner's. He is still a cutie. lol
So... Rob is bald... you should have known hair wouldnt be important to him. HE, however, should have known how important it is to you - afterall, you spend quite the fortune dying and re-dying YOUR hair.... of course your boys hair is important..
And a side note, my grandma did this to me when I was five, and my Dad forbid me from seeing her for years.
dont worry, it will grow back by preschool. Did I tell you my life was complete when I found out I was having a boy, merely so I can give him a faux hawk like gunners.
I'm crying I'm laughing so hard!! I feel for you... Rob's in trouble!!
OH MY GOD! I'm dying. This is SO funny!!! You'd better get the razor out again!
Oh sweet Jesus. I think I just peed my pants a little. The comparisons? To die for. Here's hoping for some fast growing hair!! And maybe hide the scissors from your husband for forever.
But really. I don't think he even used a bowl. Maybe a frying pan? Did Rob figure out that you were a bit heartbroken?! haha. He is adorable either way (especially with a cute shaved head!) but no one can argue that those curls weren't amazing!
Oh honey...I'm sorry. You killed me with the comparison pictures tho. It was funny before but that just took it over the top.
the lloyd christmas picture..i just cant
i am literally DYING!!!
oh colty!! luckily he is still drop dead ADORABLE! haha but rob....make sure he is never a hairdresser in his second life! LOL
ts good blackmail later down the line tho if colt is ever being a cranky 15 year old boy. "HEY! you wont remember this, but dad cut your hair like SHIT!!! I'm blasting this pic all over high school!!" then he will be sorry...hahhahah!!
xoxoxo
Hahaha at first glance I thought he did himself...not your husband!
Was the ground too frozen for your husband's body? You can cover it with a tarp till spring.
Oh my!!!!!!!!! Is he serious?! I'm dying laughing... But is Rob alive!? Will little Lloyd be visiting you in prison?? Wow. It looks like he cut it right up to his scalp in the front... Hmmm...curious to see how you fix this! It's winter...so beanies 24/7!!! The positive side...he is SO adorable, so if anyone can pull it off.... He can. But wow Rob... Seriously!?
It just makes me laugh that your husband cut it like that and thought it was acceptable to leave that way! hahaha Either that or he just kept trying to fix it and was digging the whole deeper.
And your son's precious smile at the end? He has no clue, which just makes him more lovable!!!
I'm sorry but I cannot look at this kid without laughing. His poor hair. What is it with dads making the worst decision about cutting a kid's hair? Poor Colt. At least he's cute, right???
Easy fix, girl! And he will have those long ringlets again soon!
I am literally in tears from laughing so hard. So sweet yet hilarious! Men.
Your baby manages to still be cute as a button, even with that fab haircut!
OMG! This is hilarious!! I laughed so hard... had to share with everyone in my office.... and laughed so hard again I almost cried!! First, I would promptly take your little man to the salon for a mommy/son date :-) Then I would quickly proceed to beat Rob profusely about the head and body!!! Guys, I tell ya. They just don't get it. Thanks for sharing. Your little man is absolutely adorable... with or without is gorgeous curls!!!
Along with everyone else, I am in tears! Lloyd Christmas - HA I can't get enough! This is what happens when I attempt to cut anyone's hair, but oh my the stories this kid and his amazing head of hair now have!
At least it grows and he's still adorable as ever.
If Rob is still alive, I'll be in utter shock.
Also, I apologize but I can't even look at this post without tears streaming down my face from the laughter. And I know that's probably not helping you. But really though.
oh.my.goodness! that is hilarious!! i can't imagine what your husband was thinking when he finished that 'masterpiece.' was he at all nervous about what you would do when you came home, or did he think it was a totally acceptable look?!
Oh wow. Colt Loyd Christmas and his missing tooth. Hilarious, freakin' hilarious!! It's a good thing the kid has good genes and still looks like a cutie pie.
this whole post is so awfully hilarious! i love it!
fingers crossed that childs hair grows back in record time
This. Is. Fantastic.
My stomach hurts from the laughter this post induced!
Poor baby. Scratch that...Poor Mommy!
I laughed so hard when you posted this on IG. I seriously would've KILLED my hubby had he ever even thought about taking scissors to my kids' heads!!!! HOw in the world are you gonna repair this "style"?
Oh my goodness! I'm proud of you for not committing homicide when you saw this! He's still so cute he just has a little extra "flair" now!
I. Just. Died. Your comparisons are spot on. I love your sense of humor.. in all seriousness..
I saw your post on instgram and HAD to read this. I still can't stop laughing. He's still so presh! (Even if he does look exactly like Lloyd.)
seriously dying laughing!!!!! I'm glad my comparison made it to le ole blog. ;) just put a beanie on him till it grows out. hahahaha. i want to see it in person!
I'm crying from laughing so hard! I'm surprised you didn't kill Rob. At least he is still totally cute, even with a bowl hair cut :D
OMG! BEST HAIRCUT EVER!!! I actually used to cut my girls' hair like that when they were toddlers. I thought it was cute then, but now? Not so much. Oops.
omg, sooo funny! he is still a cutie though!
omg, rob made him look 'special'! poor thing! love how he doesn't realize how ridiculous it looks. i'm sorry for you, i would be dying too! can't wait to see how you fix it!
This is hilarious! I love the way you word things! :)
Oh my heck! I would die! That is hilarious though, once you showed the dumb and dumber pic I was rolling, of course reading this at work I look like a fool laughing to myself but I couldnt hold it in!
I agree with Melissa. Loser anon...
Ok, this just made my day!! Your son is crazy adorable, even with his Lloyd haircut!
But, for real, the town coroner would be signing my husband's death certificate if he ever did this! My youngest daughter has the cutest, sweetest little ringlets and I will stab anyone that even asks about cutting it! Including her.
So glad I found this blog! When I get on my laptop, I will for sure be following!
- Marissa @ Confessions of a Failing Domestic Goddess
I shouldn't laugh, I really shouldn't because I would be having a meltdown if I were you and I laughed so hard when I saw it on Instagram last night lol!
I would FREAK out if my husband did that to my son's hair. There has been no mention of Rob's whereabouts........
Well said Melissa!
VERY well said Melissa. Anon needs to get a life.
BAHAH! Being a hairstylist I see this ALL the time...but its usually the child that makes the mistake. Once you take care of the "mullet" situation...I don't think it will look that bad. Just spike up the front till it grows out a little. Hes still hansom as ever tho...just a little uneven.
awwwwww. I love the picture comparisons though!!
First of all please frame this picture at his wedding. Second of all THIS is exactly why I told my husband he is not allowed to cut our son's hair, I will pay the $15 to get it professionally done every few months.
This is amazing. I just cant help smiling. Sorry girl! :)
OMG Its hair. Time to move on. No dad wants their son to look like a girl. Seem like he took matters into his own hands. Maybe it was time to cut the superficial apron strings and let him look like a boy for a while...sounds like it wasn't going to get done any other way. Now you have no choice but to cut it all. Hope he never reads this blog post about how ugly his mom thinks he is without the perfect hair. Must say, I think he is absolutely adorable in all those pictures. Shaved head, jagged bangs and all.
Okay honestly? I'm dying with laughter right now. On a serious note though, my son's ringlets are halfway down his back now and no matter how much everyone wants to cut it they know better than to try....ill shank someone. No joke.
Sorry this happened AGAIN :(
i just laughed so so hard.
My husband did this one time with my daughter, took her to get HER VERY FIRST HAIRCUT without me when I was at work - to this day he still doesnt understand why that pissed me off - on another note - I mentioned you in my blog again as to how I found I wore yoga pants, I hope that is ok!
I just blew snot bubbles and snorted. But don't feel bad. My son when he was 4, I was washing his hair and it started coming out. This continued on for about five minutes until there was a total bald spot. I freaked out. Researched conditions in children where they lose there hair. I thought my kid had an incurable disease. Took him to the doctor and when the doctor asked if he was okay and further questions, found out he had shaved his head with my wassa grooming device. One co-pay of 50 bucks and a sucker later, I decided that such instruments should be stored in a safe place. Took about 6 months for his hair to grow back.
I always love when you stop by ;)
And fret not. I will grow it back out.
It took me approx. 15 minutes to read this post because I was laughing so hard.. then I had to stop laughing because I was pretty sure I ruptured something near my spleen-al region.. then I started laughing again. TOO funny.
OK this isn't funny..................but seriously, it is soooooooo funny!
Thank you so much for this post! I haven't laughed that hard all day!!
Oh good lord, what was he thinking?!? Not even an even trim. Men.
But honestly, I giggled the whole time I read this! My Dad almost chopped off my brothers ringlets when he was 2!
OH MY GOSH... Aww!!! Wow.... There are just no words! At least his cute curly locks will grow back :/
Poor kid.
omg. rob is sleeping in his truck isn't he?
SO funny! My blog
Men are so STUPID!!! Poor baby! He does have some thick hair! Thank god he's young & didn't have to go to school like that...one time when I cut my bangs...haha! He's still freaking adorable & I just want to squeeze him! xo
OMG I am crying I'm laughing so hard right now!!! That poor baby (and poor mommy!!)....not sure what poor Rob was thinking, but I'll bet he's wishing he could turn back time now! lol Thank you for such a funny post...even if it was at the expense of your sweet little boy's hair!!
O M G. Did Rob not learn the last time?! He has some major balls.
Why would you feel compelled to leave negtive comments on a blog? Why do you even read the damn blog if you are so judgmental of its author? That's just weird!
My husband asked if this is what's happening now weed is legalized in Washington ;) Lol...on a side note, I'm amazed how many people mentioned murder in these comments...I read the best ones aloud to my husband so he can learn now (pre-kids) NEVER TO DO THIS. Or I can justifiably murder him. I mean...fix...it...
This is probably the most hilarious thing I've read all week. I feel bad for laughing at your misfortune, but the comparison to Larry Christmas is just pure gold.
Did Rob at least ADMIT that he did a terrible job?
Oh my god Raven. I go off the blog radar for a day and I miss this blogging gold? Never again. I'm CRYING I'm laughing so hard. Best. Post. Ever. Rob--you should open up your own shop.
I'm crying laughing, OMG! This reminds me of the time that I cut my sister's hair in the shape of a mullet with an extra long rat tail.
Hahahahahahahaha omg this is the best post I've EVER read!!!! He's still cute as a button though!! :)
Coming from me, the mom of a blonde, floppy haired surfer boy (toddler). My heart broke for you. I cannot lie...then it laughed. How vain are we!! It'll grow back...sometime and in the meantime he's still a cutie.
so...i totally just nerdy laughed at your picture of lloyd and your son. oh your poor baby!
ROB DID THIS? I'm dying. His little toothy smile...Llyod Christmas... Oh dear. This is too much. It will grow fast!
Ew Anon take your troll ass elsewhere! Frack I hate internet trolls!!!!!!!
^ Amen! I HATE INTERNET TROLLS!
HAHAHA Hilarious!! This just made my day. Is it creepy that I am saving the picture of him compared to Loyd in case I need a laugh in the next day or two?! My boy has long hair too - and i'm pretty sure my reaction would be the same as yours. Amazing post.
Why would anyone put their personal life on the INTERNET for the world to read if they can't take the good AND the bad? I come here for the same reason you do. I am nosy and I like to see how others live. And I have my opinions about it. If you only want good comments, don't allow Anonymous comments. It's a very simple, easy fix....For bloggers that don't get off on the drama.
OMG!!! Came to enter a giveaway. Staying forever! This post is hysterical!!!
hahhaah!!! I am so sorry for his hair loss, but oh my goodness this post is HILARIOUS! I read it, laughed out loud, and then promptly sent it around to all the people in my office asking what was so funny.
(I probably shouldn't be reading these at work but that's for another day)
Holy shit I am crying I am laughing so hard!!!! WHYYYYYYYYYYY?? He looks exactly like Lloyd I am so sorry.
hahahahahahahahahaha omg this is absolutely hysterical. I figured by the way the post was going that it was going to be bad, but he does look just like Lloyd and I can NOT stop laughing.
Is your husband proud of his work?!
At first, I was speechless, too. But then I laughed so hard, I may have peed on my couch. I'll just blame it on the dog tomorrow.
I did this to my own son when he was three years old and it was my husband who yelled at ME. But his bangs were more Mamie Eisenhower than 'Dumb and Dumber' and it was two days before his birthday party. It was really, really bad.
Thanks for the laugh.
OMG. I laughed for 20 minutes! LOVE it!
OH. MY. WOAH. I did this to myself when I was younger. But reading this post, definitely gave me the laugh that I needed. Cute face indeed - poor thing has no idea how horrible he looks. I can't even scroll up and look at him without laughing.
This has been my favorite post of yours! Thanks so much for the laugh! I just can't stop picturing his adorable little face just smiling away, completely oblivious to the horrible haircut he just received! Loved this!
OMG! I just about died laughing while reading this! I just started following your blog through GFC today and of course this is the post I see first. My son was born with no hair, but now has the thickest, most gorgeous head of hair like your son. . He is actually getting a trim tonight, but I will be in attendance and one of my best friends is doing it. She knows how attached I am to that hair!!! Check out my blog @ http://redvelvetrooster.com to see what I am talking about. Your little boy is precious, even with the awful hair cuts!!!
Laughing so hard I'm crying. Oh my gawd I seriously have tears rolling down my freaking face. I would die! But - he's still effing adorable!!!!!!!!
OH my goodness. I am laughing so hard right now. Hard to stop. Your hubby really has a way with those scissors!
I just read this post from the link on today's post (March 14th) and I have never laughed so loud and hard at a blog post as I did just now, reading (and watching) about your youngest son's hair transformation. That is some funny shit!
OH MY GOSH!! absolutely dying over here! Can't stop laughing and I KNOW my husband is going to be rolling as well. Thanks for the laugh!!
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