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2.18.2013
Ok let's try this again. I broke my cardinal rule of blogging last night which is "write drunk, edit sober" (I'll let you guess what part of that rule I broke * hint * duh) so now, in the light of day, with a clear head, I am back to bring you those "modeling" photos I talked about in this post. 

Here's the backstory real quick: 

A few years ago, Rob and I went to the Dominican Republic. It was basically the worst vacation ever. A whole bunch of chaos ensued (you can read about it here) but one particular event really took the cake. We were hanging out on the beach, relaxing, minding our own biz, when a man walks up and asks if he can take our photo. Since I'm used to people asking to take my picture on the beach in my bikini all the time, I said "sure!", posed a little pose and the camera man showed me the photo he had taken. "Cute!" I exclaim, and then I make the grave mistake of rambling off the following: "I love pictures! I always take tons and tons of photos while on vacation but my camera got stolen the first night we were here and I'm just so sad because seriously dude you have no idea how much I love pictures and especially pictures of myself on vacation on the beach in my bikini. Help me I'm poor."

Like a moth to a flame, my lips to a vodka bottle and a liberal to an unnecessary cause, local camera man saw a door wide open and he ran with it. Hard and fast. "Well then, let me just take a few more pictures of you pretty girl!" and he then begins to instruct me and Rob to "put your arm around his neck right there, slowly lean into your wife, yes yes, just like that, now look into each others eyes, sloooooowly come in for a kiss, ok good now you get down on one knee, wife you lean behind him and slowly caress his neck with your hand."

Um. 

WTF?

See, if you know Rob and I at all, we are most definitely not the lovey-dovey, look into each others eyes romantic couples photos on the beach kind of people. I felt very awkward and oh yes, extremely embarrassed as there were hundreds of other people on the beach with us. Staring. I can just imagine what they must have been saying under their breath, things like "who do these kool kats think they are? Brad and Angelina? Ha!" and "oh wow, talk about secondhand embarrassment for those poor saps."

You might be wondering why I didn't just say no, walk away, stop the madness. Because I am a people pleaser at the core. I hate saying no, and I feel bad inside when I disappoint others. Doesn't matter if I've never met the dude with the camera on the beach, he asked (very intently) to take my picture. In my bikini. And I just couldn't deny him that opportunity.

Great! Couples photoshoot is over! Phew. 

Nope. 

"Let me take picture of you? Only you? Please? Just one. Only one! Promise. Pretty please?!" 

f*ck.

So I did. The instructions that I got from him were nothing short of what a soft p*rn directer might say. Lay down on the sand like this, run your fingers through your hair like that, look into the distance, chest out (I swear) and so on.

I'm not even going to go into how I got suckered into buying the printed from a home printer, grossly over-photoshopped photos on thin glossy paper for $80. If you don't already, you would definitely think I was the silliest thing to ever walk this Earth.

In an effort to redeem myself, I will now show you those photos.

* snort *

I'm pretty sure this is the same photo as the one above, just flipped horizontally, in which he tried to sell me both photos seperately.

this one is my favorite.

We're sexy and we know it.

Or something like that.


When I reverted my original post this morning back to draft,
 I accidentally deleted all previous comments. Sorry :(

27 comments:

  1. Uhhhh OKAY EXCEPT YOU'RE A FREAKING BABE. Can I have your body? K thanks.

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  2. if you only you knew then that these pictures would become the best blog post ever! ;)

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  3. Wow that sounds like my luck. I have wanted to go to DR but now Im thinking thats not at all what I want my experience to be like and after all being spoiled from Excellence Playa Mujeres I dont think it would work so thanks for the heads up

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  4. Hahahaha, this is something I totally would've done. been uber uncomfortable, but god forbid I hurt a stranger's feelings!

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  5. Omg I totally would've done the same thing bc I can't say no. I would've rolled around in the sand and paid for all the "prints" just so I wouldn't seem mean... Bless. At least you've got some hawt pictures though!!!

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  6. These looks super cute anyway! Don't feel bad. I agreed to pose for some random person in Central Park last February. He was supposed to e-mail them to me (free), but of course I never got them. My photo is promoting God knows what!

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  7. Hahahaha I love the photoshop job! Hilarious. You look VERY tan!

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  8. haha omg this story is so funny--but honestly, I think anyone would probably have felt so awkward they would have done the same thing--pose! At least you look great in the pictures--you'll have very SEKSIIIIIIIII pictures to show the grandkids one day! haha ;-)

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  9. I was just in Mexico photographing a wedding with my boss, and a photographer tried to get us to do very similar poses. Which was awkward because a) the whole reason we were there in the first place was the couple thought the on staff photographers were crappy, and b) my boss and I are married to other people. But it was also hilarious. And also, if you're going to get your pictures taken on the beach at least you look super hot in your suits!

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  10. This story is hilarious!! The photos are good though!!! :)

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  11. This... is pure comedy. Wow. Ha, so awkward! Anytime anything embarrassing/weird/hilarious/whoops-did-I-really-do-that happens to me, I just write it off as "another story to tell." It's done wonders ;)

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  12. Regardless of how it went, the pictures are fantastic! If I looked like you, I would pose naked - or well almost!!

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  13. Haha! You really can't blame the photographer - you are freaking gorgeoussssss!! & besides y'all are sexy & you know it so that's even better. ;) xoxo

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  14. Haha! You're funny! This is so hilarious that it happened to you! But you're z babe! Rock it ;)

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  15. The funniest part is theres a few girls I know that "model" and their pictures look like like this but maybe a little more edited.

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  16. You look fantastic in that bathing suit!

    Sheree
    The Hartungs Blog
    thehartungs.blogspot.ca

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  17. hahaha,
    glad that you're a people pleaser so we get the chance to see photos like these of you and Rob.
    but anyway, damnit you look great in bikini

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  18. What a memory! At least you have a few pictures to show for the trip. lol =)

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  19. LOL, Your unintentional Sport's Illustrated moment! You have a rockin body, you go gurl with your hawwwt self!

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  20. If it helps, you look totally hott! People get suckered into stuff, I can't say I haven't before. Live and learn, don't be too hard on yourself :)

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  21. Do u think this men kept the photos and masterbates to them?

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  22. I STILL can't believe you did this!! I would have told him to take a hike!! You are so weird how you won't say no. Good thing no one asked if they could braid your hair! I bet if the guy who stole your camera offered to sell it back you would buy it because "maybe it wasn't him and you didn't want to offend him." ;) for some reason, I think I remember you saying that situation almost happened.

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  23. "Since I'm used to people asking to take my picture on the beach in bikini" hahaha too good. I still think you should feel flattered that he asked. I mean flabby granny wouldn't have been asked so I say soak it all in.

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  24. This was amazing! I found your blog through the Month of Advertising on 9 blogs giveaway and I am so glad I did, I love it and I am now following you!

    xx
    Kelly
    Sparkles and Shoes

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  25. These. Are. Priceless. You did a fabulous job, Dahlin', and I think $80 was worth it ;)

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  26. Good to know where the Barnes & Noble photo came from! I will now continue to stalk your boobs er blog, I meant blog!

    xo
    Ange
    Hairspray and High Heels

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