Ten years ago, at approx. 5-ish, I married my husband.
That's like, being married for a decade. To the same person.
And only kissing and only cuddling and only lovemaking with one person. (So he says.)
Also, only arguing with and throwing dishes at and only spending one person's money.
Pancake, two sides.
I've never come on here and expressed how amazing and wonderful and OMG perfect my marriage is. I've done quite the opposite, actually. I've been honest, saying how sometimes? Rob and I fight like no married couple should ever fight. We say things no married couple should ever say. Yes, I pack up and go to my mom's house on occasion. Yes, I've thought about (and drawn up) divorce papers. I've thought about what it would be like as a single mother living in an apartment with my two boys and what I would do with them when I had to go back to work. I've searched the internet for affordable condos and browsed Tinder to see what's potentially out there.
(Ok fine, so I totally didn't browse Tinder. But I do constantly check out TinderLines.com because OMG hilarious.)
I've done all that. We haven't had a smooth ride. We've been on the brink a time or two or fifty. Yet, here we are, ten years later, still holding on and still trucking through. And you know what? I'm proud of that fact. I'm proud that we could have so easily called it quits so many times. Proud that when more and more people are giving up, letting go, we have still held on. Proud that neither one of us has made the choice to turn outside our marriage and betray our wedding vows.
I'm proud that I've been married for a decade.
I used to believe in soul mates. I believed in it so much, that when my husband told me he didn't believe like I did, I was livid. We were in the early stages of dating (I should also note I was 21 and naive) and when I heard him utter the words "don't really believe in it" I seriously considered breaking up with him. Because, how dare some man not be with me and think I'm his one and only soul mate on the entire planet! But you know what? After being married for ten years? My idea of "soul mates" has changed drastically.
Now, I believe a real soul mate is someone who works through life with you. Someone who never gives up, even when it's really really really hard. Someone who forsakes temptations that would ruin a relationship and someone who is strong enough to take the hard hits and still be there whenever you need them.
A soul mate to me isn't being lucky enough to find that "one and only in a million" anymore. It's finding someone who chooses to be your soul mate. Because in the game of marriage, every single day is a choice. A choice to do right by your partner. A choice to respect them and be loyal to them. A choice not to cheat when the opportunity arises. A choice to still put in the effort when all you want to do is quit.
Ours isn't the typical love story. But we're still here, ten years later, one decade later, pushing through.
Has to count for something, no?
Love you husband.