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8.27.2014

Ten years ago, at approx. 5-ish, I married my husband.

That's like, being married for a decade. To the same person. 

And only kissing and only cuddling and only lovemaking with one person. (So he says.)

Also, only arguing with and throwing dishes at and only spending one person's money. 

Pancake, two sides.

I've never come on here and expressed how amazing and wonderful and OMG perfect my marriage is. I've done quite the opposite, actually. I've been honest, saying how sometimes? Rob and I fight like no married couple should ever fight. We say things no married couple should ever say. Yes, I pack up and go to my mom's house on occasion. Yes, I've thought about (and drawn up) divorce papers. I've thought about what it would be like as a single mother living in an apartment with my two boys and what I would do with them when I had to go back to work. I've searched the internet for affordable condos and browsed Tinder to see what's potentially out there. 

(Ok fine, so I totally didn't browse Tinder. But I do constantly check out TinderLines.com because OMG hilarious.)

I've done all that. We haven't had a smooth ride. We've been on the brink a time or two or fifty. Yet, here we are, ten years later, still holding on and still trucking through. And you know what? I'm proud of that fact. I'm proud that we could have so easily called it quits so many times. Proud that when more and more people are giving up, letting go, we have still held on. Proud that neither one of us has made the choice to turn outside our marriage and betray our wedding vows.

I'm proud that I've been married for a decade.

I used to believe in soul mates. I believed in it so much, that when my husband told me he didn't believe like I did, I was livid. We were in the early stages of dating (I should also note I was 21 and naive) and when I heard him utter the words "don't really believe in it" I seriously considered breaking up with him. Because, how dare some man not be with me and think I'm his one and only soul mate on the entire planet! But you know what? After being married for ten years? My idea of "soul mates" has changed drastically.

Now, I believe a real soul mate is someone who works through life with you. Someone who never gives up, even when it's really really really hard. Someone who forsakes temptations that would ruin a relationship and someone who is strong enough to take the hard hits and still be there whenever you need them.

A soul mate to me isn't being lucky enough to find that "one and only in a million" anymore. It's finding someone who chooses to be your soul mate. Because in the game of marriage, every single day is a choice. A choice to do right by your partner. A choice to respect them and be loyal to them. A choice not to cheat when the opportunity arises. A choice to still put in the effort when all you want to do is quit.

Ours isn't the typical love story. But we're still here, ten years later, one decade later, pushing through.

Has to count for something, no?

Love you husband.

22 comments:

  1. Can I just say how much I love this? I love that it's honest and raw and not like the typical anniversary post. No one has the perfect life or the perfect marriage. I love that your write the truth, the good, bad and ugly. We should all take a page from you.
    On that note, happy 10 years of marriage!

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  2. Such a freaking huge accomplishment. Congrats to you guys!

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  3. Congrats on your decade of marriage! That is a long freaking time! :)

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  4. Definitely something to be proud of! Congrats girl and I always love how you keep it honest.
    Carlee
    Little Sloth

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  5. I love your honesty, it is so refreshing! Happy anniversary :) You should be VERY proud of your marriage!!

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  6. I'm getting married in April and boyfriend and I had our first knock-down, curse-out fight last night about it. It was awesome. We made up like a half hour later. Thanks for keeping it real .. it's nice to know what I'm getting mysefl into. LOL.

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  7. Happy Anniversary!!! And Congrats on 10 years!!! Love your honesty!!!

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  8. Happy anniversary! Xoxo

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  9. As someone who just got engaged, I love the honesty of this post! While I'm all for the lovey dove cheesy stuff, that can create unrealistic expectations for a marriage! I will remember this post the first time i hit a bump in the road in my future marriage!! Thank you!

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  10. Hope you're sending him ten cat pictures today

    No, really, like the weird, scary, funny feline meme pictures.

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  11. I love this....so honest and real! That's true love:) Congrats on 10 years! And I completely agree with Caroline;)

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  12. I love how honest and real that you are. You and your hubby have a real marriage and the fact that you haven't given up is amazing!! Happy 10 Years!

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  13. Sounds like me and my husband. Although we've only been married just over a year (together 5 years). I hope I can say the same as you 9 years from now!

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  14. I love your honesty and how real you are. My husband and I have been on the edge a few times.. Its a great feeling to look back and realize that we made it through those rough times! Congrats on your 10 years of marriage!

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  15. My husband and I celebrated 10 years yesterday as well! Definite ups and downs over the years, but it only makes us stronger. Congrats to you guys and cheers to the years to come!

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  16. Attended an event here sponsored by the company. The reception hour was held in one of the rooms next to the hall. I loved their buttery mashed sweet potato.
    Philadelphia venues

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  17. Love that you keep it real about your relationship. I think many people (especially with social media) share/overshare what they WANT people to think their relationship is like. Perfect. & who's is?? Seriously. I had to check my reality a while back. I love seeing posts like this about REAL relationships and REAL people. It gives me hope and it makes me feel normal.

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  18. I love this post. Amen for honest marriage posts. They are really helping me as a newlywed because there are already so many times I have felt inadequate!

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  19. Love this Ravie and love you guys.

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  20. I love this. I love seeing honest marriage posts. We all know it's not always rainbows and sunshine when it comes to marriage. The important thing is you're not giving up on each other. Happy 10 years! Here's to many more!

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  21. A lot of people these days would say that being married to the same man/woman for a solid five years is a feat, and it's the truth. You outnumbered a percentage of the world's population, so consider yourselves both lucky and blessed. We seldom know of couples in the newer generation that last this long in marriage, so honour and treasure this gift.

    Congratulations on your 10th wedding anniversary!

    Cheers,
    Jae of SCATTERBRAIN

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  22. Happy ten years! Marriage is most definitely a choice, and I'm happy y'all choose to wortk through things.

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