Here We Go Again With The Weather Complainers

10.17.2018

Ain't nobody got time 4 this except the person that wrote it. Photo via this article

Here they come, yo. Hide your hot cocoa, hide your snowblowers and hide your intelligence, because you are about to get accosted with the most obvious, mundane, self-observable information of your life.

We're talking serious secret insider information here.

Are you ready? Ok here it is.

What if I told you...that sometimes, in certain climates across the country...little white tufts of moisture form and fall down from the sky to create a phenomenon known as snow.

Did you get that? Are you still with me? Is your mind blown yet?

Dun dun duuuun....

May I present to you: The Weather Complainers. (Or TWC for short.)

As we settle into fall, the weather complainers come back out of hibernation and with a vengeance. They took a brief break, you see, after complaining about how hot it was all summer long. And complain they did.

Some of my facebook friends were so incredibly hot this past summer that they "literally felt like they were in the depths of hell." Some others didn't dare venture out on a particularly hot day because they "didn't want to literally melt." And still some others just took the good 'ol tried-and-true weather complaining route and grumbled on and on and on and on...and on and on because *gasp* it was hot for days/weeks/months in a row! I mean, you would think they'd been born only the prior Spring and had never experienced a hot summer in their life! Yet, every single summer, it's the same.old.thing.

So hot so dying send help.

However, you can only complain for so many days hours minutes seconds allthefreakingtime before you need to take a breather. I assume once all TWC realized that all the complaining they were doing wasn't going to magically fix the weather and make it not so hot, they receded back to the coolest air conditioned parts of their homes and took a long needed nap.

But now...oh BUT NOW we are heading into fall, a whole new weather category, which brings with it a whole new opportunity for TWC to come out full force. What could they possibly have to complain about?

Let's see...

There is the uber popular "I hate it when it's so cool in the morning so you dress in a sweater but then it's scorching hot by noon and you wish you were wearing a thong bikini" take, or how about "I like this nice weather, but I can see where it's heading, and where it's headed to is a place I do not like" (because TWC can't just sit and enjoy the niceness the fall weather brings, no, instead they have to complain about what is to come, aka bitter coldness) OR they will just complain incessantly about "alllllll theeeeeee raaaaaaaiiinnnn, rain rain go away" when - wait a minute - weren't ya'll just complaining one season ago that it was just too hot to live, survive and breath?!

Yes, yes they were. But that's the thing about them weather complainers, they never stop. They are never happy. They are never satisfied and they will always, always find something to complain about when it comes to something as distinctly uncontrollable as the weather.

But the absolute worst has got to be when winter rolls around. This is when the lowest, most unfavorable, reckless, rudimentary, two-bit bellyachers come out in full force. And Lord Almighty the complaints.

They take it to a WHOLE. NEW. LEVEL.

You thought TWC could bring it...well, you ain't seen nothing yet. Because with winter brings something so outrageous, so scandalous and so offensive that it speaks to the very dark and dreary depths of TWC souls.

SNOW.

In their words, they "just can't." Can't 'what' remains to be seen. Can't believe that seasons change? Can't believe that cold stuff comes down from the sky? Can't reach inside themselves and see how completely dimwitted and dull they have to be to spend so much of their time on Earth - yes, the SAME Earth that gives them unfavorable weather - bitching and moaning about such a simple, unchangeable entity?

It's in times like these, when I open my social media feed and see someone has posted a photo of freshly fallen snow with the caption, "uhhhh, what is this white stuff??" or simply put "it is SO COLD" as their status update that I often wonder how they aren't employed as full time weather complainers at NASA.

It's too hot for them in the summer and it's too cold for them in the winter. You can't win with them, yet they always come out as the losers.

I do think in certain situations that letting someone else know about the weather is a noble thing, a needed thing, a required thing even. For instance, if someone is completely blind and they are about to go for a walk around the neighborhood, then yes, letting that person know that it snowed last night and the sidewalks might be slippery is probably the right thing to do in that situation.

However, for the rest of us non-blind, eagle-eyed people, I can't stress enough to you that telling me "it is so cold" outside will neither make it warmer for you or me and when you post a photo of snow and act like you have no idea what it is, where it came from or why it made its descent onto your front lawn, well then... I just come out of that situation thinking you're a little bit dumb, for lack of a better word.

I just pray to the heavens I never get stuck inside an elevator with a weather complainer.

And lastly, but certainly not of least importance, is that if you are talking to someone about the weather, then you, my friend, are on the dull side of a rubber ball. Talking to someone else about the weather is kind of the default topic of conversation people have when a) there is nothing else to talk about or b) neither party really wants to be talking to the other one anyway.

It's like, "oh hey. It snowed outside, the sky is blue and crack is whack."

Deep stuff, man.


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