While perusing the web-o-sphere a while ago, I was searching for ways to "create a more successful blog" and such, and I came upon an article that was pretty interesting. Under the line "How to Make Readers Love You and Your Blog" were such tidbits as
"Unless you're writing your blog as a journal of sorts, chronicling what you had for breakfast, your blog should be about other people"
"If your blog is a vanity blog, and you aren't interested in solving other people's problems, then you can quit reading this now and go write about your cat. You probably won't have many readers, and many of them won't be coming back, but hey, you and your cat will be happy!"
"If all you do is write about you, no one is going to come back to your blog. No one wants to hear just about you."
Guess I'm in trouble.
but then, oh BUT THEN...
I read this little ditty...
"Oh, but people want to read about all the interesting things I do!
Well, maybe, but you better be damned interesting!"
Phew! Now I feel better. I mean, damned interesting? If that doesn't describe me to a T, then I'm not sure what does.
vanity blog, vanity blog, vanity blog, nobody likes a vanity blog...
Ok fine. In an effort to prove to everyone that I am not, in fact, a vanity blogger, I will try to "act interested in solving other people's problems" because God knows I don't want ya'll to lose interest and never come back to visit me because "no one wants to hear about just me" and "I really don't want to write all about my cat."
Wait a minute, I don't have a cat!
F%#$ this advice!
But I still want to help you all.
So I'm going to give you my helpful morsels of advice in my own vain manner.
1} Just because you look like a supermodel whilst expecting bambino (as I clearly do, duh) do not assume you will look so great after said bambino. They suck all the beauty right out of you. And even leave you with a little extra cellulite and fat rolls.
Babies are the best.
2} Don't ever call Dr. Laura. She will make you feel like shit and call you a "lazy parent."
(I am still reeling from that one.)
3} Wearing your j.simps weave and a sequin shirt = no bueno. Both will be ruined by the end of the night. Forever.
4} Don't let your child play with the dishwasher Electrasol tabs, even if he begs and says it makes him "feel happy." Big ugly rash will appear. (Seriously, who knew that letting your two year old rub chemical deposits all over his face would irritate him? Not me. At least I didn't let him eat it. Points for me.)
4} When that same child falls down during the winter and can't get back up due to many thick layers of clothing, make sure to take a picture first before you help him up. You need to collect material for their graduation reel.
5} Don't run over your dog. All it will do it shorten his life and make you feel like shit.
(r.i.p. sweet Indy)
6} When your sister takes a bad fall after getting off the ski lift and has to be transported down the mountain by the emergency crew, don't just sit back, laugh and take lots of pictures. Said sister might not talk to you on the car ride home.
(come on though, that is pretty funny, don't you think?)
8} Don't give your husband the camera on vacation, or you will get a whole lot of pictures like so...
(trust me, I am just as horrified as you by this picture)
7} And finally, when you and friends are out on the river late at night, don't think that taking the little blow-up boat for a spin is a good idea. Especially after you have enjoyed one too many adult beverages. On the same token, don't assume either that stripping naked and jumping in the water will be fun. It may sound like a good idea at the time, but trust me, the current is strong, and you will have to be rescued by boat and that is NOT a good thing. Especially when naked.
Hope I was of some help to you.
And if I wasn't?
I may have to go buy a cat.