Is YOUR blog all about you?

8.22.2011

While perusing the web-o-sphere a while ago, I was searching for ways to "create a more successful blog" and such, and I came upon an article that was pretty interesting. Under the line "How to Make Readers Love You and Your Blog" were such tidbits as

"Unless you're writing your blog as a journal of sorts, chronicling what you had for breakfast, your blog should be about other people"

and

"If your blog is a vanity blog, and you aren't interested in solving other people's problems, then you can quit reading this now and go write about your cat. You probably won't have many readers, and many of them won't be coming back, but hey, you and your cat will be happy!"

and

"If all you do is write about you, no one is going to come back to your blog. No one wants to hear just about you."


{crickets)


Well shit. 


Guess I'm in trouble.

but then, oh BUT THEN...

I read this little ditty...

"Oh, but people want to read about all the interesting things I do!

Well, maybe, but you better be damned interesting!"


Phew! Now I feel better. I mean, damned interesting? If that doesn't describe me to a T, then I'm not sure what does. 

vanity blog, vanity blog, vanity blog, nobody likes a vanity blog...

Ok fine. In an effort to prove to everyone that I am not, in fact, a vanity blogger, I will try to "act interested in solving other people's problems" because God knows I don't want ya'll to lose interest and never come back to visit me because "no one wants to hear about just me" and "I really don't want to write all about my cat."

Wait a minute, I don't have a cat!

F%#$ this advice!

But I still want to help you all.

So I'm going to give you my helpful morsels of advice in my own vain manner.

1} Just because you look like a supermodel whilst expecting bambino (as I clearly do, duh) do not assume you will look so great after said bambino. They suck all the beauty right out of you. And even leave you with a little extra cellulite and fat rolls.

Babies are the best.

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2} Don't ever call Dr. Laura. She will make you feel like shit and call you a "lazy parent."
(I am still reeling from that one.)

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3} Wearing your j.simps weave and a sequin shirt = no bueno. Both will be ruined by the end of the night. Forever.

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4} Don't let your child play with the dishwasher Electrasol tabs, even if he begs and says it makes him "feel happy." Big ugly rash will appear. (Seriously, who knew that letting your two year old rub chemical deposits all over his face would irritate him? Not me. At least I didn't let him eat it. Points for me.)

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4} When that same child falls down during the winter and can't get back up due to many thick layers of clothing, make sure to take a picture first before you help him up. You need to collect material for their graduation reel.

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5} Don't run over your dog. All it will do it shorten his life and make you feel like shit.

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(r.i.p. sweet Indy)

6} When your sister takes a bad fall after getting off the ski lift and has to be transported down the mountain by the emergency crew, don't just sit back, laugh and take lots of pictures. Said sister might not talk to you on the car ride home.

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(come on though, that is pretty funny, don't you think?)

8} Don't give your husband the camera on vacation, or you will get a whole lot of pictures like so...

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(trust me, I am just as horrified as you by this picture)

7} And finally, when you and friends are out on the river late at night, don't think that taking the little blow-up boat for a spin is a good idea. Especially after you have enjoyed one too many adult beverages. On the same token, don't assume either that stripping naked and jumping in the water will be fun. It may sound like a good idea at the time, but trust me, the current is strong, and you will have to be rescued by boat and that is NOT a good thing. Especially when naked. 

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Hope I was of some help to you.


And if I wasn't?


I may have to go buy a cat.



70 comments:

  1. LOLLLLLLLLLLLL! These all had me rolling Raven. LMAO. You don't have to worry...Your blog will always entertain. There is no way it can't. Especially with pictures of your sweet little tush in water. LMAO. Literally!

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  2. As if I didn't love your blog enough- this just made me love it 10X more.

    I can't breathe I'm laughing so hard! :)

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  3. I need to never read your blog around other people again because my super loud hysterical laughter is trying to come out, and keeping it in causes me to make REALLY weird faces #weirdgirl #officefreak

    I love you so much you could write about what you ate for breakfast, and I'd read it.

    I absolutely write a vanity blog. FML

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  4. I grew up in Connecticut, so I have tons of pictures of me as a baby where my mom dressed me up as a sausage, then pilled me on top of my friend in the sled. (Like http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lqcjwcZ8lv1qaitqho1_500.jpg)and I turned out completely fine.


    :)

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  5. Oh my gosh. No wonder I am stuck at 59 readers - and no one is coming around...I write a vanity blog. I have pictures of myself all over it. Great. Just great.

    However, I love you and your blog - so keep writing your blog and if you tell me what you ate for breakfast, I'd probably go buy it. Today. To eat it tomorrow. Cause I wanna be just like you. : )

    xoxo,
    Savs
    http://southernsavannah.blogspot.com

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  6. Hahahahahaha, Ahhhhhh, Raven! I literally choked on my diet coke with the dishwashing tablet rash. Hahahaha. "But mom, it makes me feel happy." Hi.lar.ious.

    Oh and I made your butt picture my desktop wallpaper? Creepy? #sowhat

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  7. When I saw your tweet, I was a little worried because I thought you might be calling people out...but you had me dying instead. I've been trying not to laugh out loud since I share an office with someone...and, you could be a video vixen with that booty (meant in the most complimentary way possible, of course!)I think 90% of the blogs I read are about themselves, and I like it that way.

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  8. hahahahahahha that is classic! Great advice ;) lol

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  9. If we want advice or help with problems, we can read Dave Ramsey's blog. I come here for the laughs!! Good job Raven. :)

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  10. bahahaha! hillarious! I love your advice and will keep it in mind

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  11. I love you!! You are hysterical! Girl DONT YOU DARE GO GET A CAT. You are simply fantastic.

    LOL'd at your jsimps weave and butt shot. Hysterical.

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  12. bahahaha this might be my favorite post ever. vanity bloggers, blog on!

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  13. LOLOLOLOL!!!!! So awesome, this blog had me laughing histerically and yes you helped, will a) definitely NOT be calling Dr Laura for parenting advice, and b) NOT be allowing my youngest to play with detergent packs. Keep em coming I love it!!!

    Tiara

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  14. This is awesome.

    My favorite part of this is that in the first picture your son is standing fully clothed inside the shower. Clearly I have not been using all of my options when trying to find ways to confine my children. Will be testing this tonight.

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  15. This was HYSTERICAL!! I'm laughing on a Monday at work!! Job well done!

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  16. I'm pissed. I just left you a really long comment with a story and everything and Blogger gave me an error message when I hit submit. I'm not retyping all that. I'll VN you.

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  17. Bahahahaha. Oh my goodness you make me laugh.

    My husband takes awful pictures of me all the time. Usually he cuts my head off and all you can see is my chest. What I don't understand about it is I don't even have boobs. Enough for him I guess....

    Anyways back to you, I wouldn't change a thing about you or your blog. One of my absolute favorites!

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  18. Okay..

    kid in too many clothes on ground= adorable. so adorable that I snorted.

    hubby's pic from vacay = i spit water out of my mouth mid drink.


    I love your blog.

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  19. What a hysterical post!!! You totally had me cracking up...and I want to hear more about your Dr. Laura call. Seriously.

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  20. oh hey girl blog crush.

    now i have to get a freaking cat. dammnit. i hate cats.


    see you at the pet store

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  21. I love that your blog talks about you and your family! If I read one more blog post with a bunch of stupid pininterest pictures I'm going to go crazy....so boring. I want to hear about people's real lives, the good, bad and funny :)

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  22. I think I am the most vain blogger there is. Shit.

    Thanks for the tips!

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  23. I'm dying! I know better than to read your blog at work now... Too much laughing and snorting at work scares patients away!! I love the first pic with your child locked in the shower! :) Good Idea!!

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  24. haha what is the point of a blog if you can't write about yourself?! DISLIKE... I guess I need to improve on that too- loved your advice...if anything it was very entertaining!! Ill be coming back for more advice!

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  25. OMGoooood Gosh Mama... soooo funny. I love your cute bum even more now! This is awesome.

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  26. Right now I'm that weird girl sitting alone in the student union, eating french fries, and laughing her ass off. Thanks, Raven. Now the entire college probably thinks I'm completely nuts. Whatev.
    You are so effin' hilarious though, keep up the vanity blogging because it's great!

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  27. This post made me laugh so hard. You were seriously a supermodel while pregnant, I hope i look that good one day!!!! :-) The butt picture-hilarious so love it haha. Who cares about vanity blogging, I guess that's what I do to since I document everything that I eat & drink as well, whatev.

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  28. ROFL!!! I agree, we need to hear about Dr. Laura?? You are one brave girl if you called her for advice.

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  29. I happen to love reading about what you ate for breakfast, haha! No but seriously.. I think this makes all of us vanity bloggers. I know I am, oops!

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  30. I love reading all about you and wouldn't want you to change a thing.

    also, someone I MISSED that you were pregnant.

    HOW DID I MISS THAT??!?!?

    I don't know. ughhh.

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  31. I think we all write "vanity" blogs. I mean, we gotta show the rest of the world about how awesome we are lol. My hubby takes pictures like that of me like every time I give him my camera.

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  32. Love. Love. Love this post! You make me feel 'normal' ;). xoxo

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  33. First. In love with your bathroom- love love the tile.2nd- you don't need to buy a cat. XO

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  34. I seriously cannot stop laughing! This is SO dang funny! I think I'll use all your advice...I LOVE it. Hahaha!

    -Ali

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  35. That article is full of SH(% haha People LOVE to read about other people's lives!!!! A Blog stalkers dream!

    No seriously what the heck would ppl write about if they didn't write about their kids or experiences?? Or share beauty tips?

    Heart you!

    PS what happened to Andy? please say you didnt run him over and end his life or I may cry...hopefully when you wrote RIP he just passed away from Old age??

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  36. as juvinile once said, "girl you look good won't you back that ass up"

    nice booootayyy! hahah i loved this post

    i read this post on my phone and before i scrolled down completely, i thought there was peanut butter all over your weave. but im happy to know it was just a shirt haha

    who is Dr. Laura!?!

    OH and this post made me really think about this one blogger who is such a vanity blogger. i feel like i am gossipping right now but LITERALLY..im like...STOP STOP STOP noone cares!!

    dont ever change your blog! you da best!! :-D

    xoxox

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  37. You and your blog are the best!! I get such a huge smile every day I read!! xxoo

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  38. I can't even breathe right now... Every time I read your posts, I am in tears with laughter!!
    Oh, and FYI- You are absolutely gorgeous pre- AND post- baby!! But it's definitely true {for most of us} that they suck the beauty right out of you!
    Have a fabulous day!

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  39. That girl crush; just got bigger. I heart your sense of humor and the ability to share your experiences without any hesitation.

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  40. You and your blog always ALWAYS always put a smile on my face!!!! I love your blog and your "vain manner"!!!!!

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  41. Ummm, I wanna know WhooooTF ISN'T a vanity blogger? Blog however you friggin feel like bloggin. The butt shot is hilarious! You are beautimous before and after your baybays. :)

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  42. Genius. Simply genius...

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  43. seriously, you get the award for the most entertaining blog ever! you are such a breath of fresh air! love, love, love your blog!

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  44. ummm girl at least your booty looks great!

    lungfam.blogspot.com

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  45. HAHA!!! girl....pppllleeeeaaassseeee! I LOVE reading about ya and all of your adventures...even the snake stories. You are always keepin it real and thats what make your blog SO awesome!

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  46. Phew! I'm glad you FINALLY put some advice on your blog! I ALMOST un-followed you!
    **I think we need to hear about Dr. Laura...

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  47. i laughed so hard;
    i love the little kid in the background of your prego pic!
    lock em in the shower why you take a picture ;)

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  48. I think I just died I laughed so hard. a drunk naked rescue? it's a good night in my book!

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  49. omg, this post was the best! you seriously made my day! nice booty btw! :)

    xoyeanxo

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  50. I love your vanity blog.

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  51. You are Chelsea Handler of the blogging world! hehe

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  52. Totally agree with Val! But if you did have to get a cat maybe it could just be an "outdoor" cat. That's kind of like not having a cat, right?

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  53. love love love your blog, dont change a thing!! vanity smanity, lol. but seriously love your words of wisdom, i will never (thanks to you) let my kids play with Electrasol tabs, who knew?

    ps who the hell is dr. laura???

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  54. hahahaha, i LOVE this post!! and, for the record, everyone is different. we all like to read [and write] about all kinds of different things. i mean, it's what makes the world go 'round, duh! so, i don't think you should EVER feel pressured to write about any particular thing. 'cause then, you just wouldn't be being you. and that's what's most important. =]

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  55. Amazing, loved it all. Who's Dr Laura? Obviously she's misinformed :)

    Tabitha
    My-cliffnotes.blogspot.com

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  56. Ok, you totally have to blog about Dr. Laura one day soon and how you were her BIGGEST FAN until she called you out. HAHAHAHAHAH!!! That was one of the funniest calls I have gotten from you is after you got off the phone with her. If only she hadn't just switched to XM - nothing I would have loved hearing more, only because i would have TOTALLY been able to see the look on your face while she was talking. I kind of miss her. =(

    - Rach

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  57. Holy cow, this was good! I can always count on you for a laugh. Those are really dumb tips for blog writing. If you aren't writing about yourself, what would you write about? Maybe I'm vain but I thought that was the point. You always make me laugh and I want to read about YOU. Great advice. By the way, you have a lovely butt and Dr. Laura is c&*t, everyone knows that. :)

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  58. I think you need to blog about Dr.Laura...sounds interesting...

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  59. haha! these are awesome...especially the pictures of you in the pool...you definitely don't need cats if your husband is your photographer...hilarious and interesting post!

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  60. Stumbled upon your blog and so glad I did! You're hilarious and your boys are seriously adorable. I swear I have a very similar picture of my older son with a rash on his face...it was from razor burn...my hubby and I thought it would be so cute to get him one of those fake shaving kits for kids. But then we failed to instruct him never to use daddy's REAL razor. Youch! His poor cheeks were red for days! oops!

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  61. hahahahahahaha


    i really don't know what else to say. i'm laughing too hard.

    that snow picture is HILARIOUS!

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  62. I just found your blog from the Bargain Blonde - you are HILARIOUS!! Loved this post!

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  63. I'm pretty sure everyone's blogs are about themselves! But really great pointers! Hahahahaha. Hilarious, as usual.

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  64. This IS great. My food blog is actually a vanity vlog about me and the shit I shove in my mouth. True story!! Nothing wrong with a little self love right? I'm undecided on whether people keep coming back for me or the food. Hmmm. My favorite thing about this post of yours? The butt pic. Fabbbbbbbbbbbulous. I like where your husband's head is.

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  65. Best. Post. Ever.

    That's it. I don't really need to read anything else... ever... ;)

    So I haven't been very good at blogging in my own world, nor very good at reading other blogs. But I haven't forgotten you, and I'd never read this post before.

    You're awesome. Seriously. Your sense of humor is inspiring--which is hard to do, (not to mention, explain). Thanks for that HUGE smile, and skip in my step.

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