Don't Quote The Raven

10.21.2014

The Dark Side of Blogging (Hint: It's The Fun Side)


Everyone starts a blog (or so I assume) because they want people to read what they are writing. They want people to notice them, to take interest in them, to bookmark their URL and come back often. 

And sure, we all want words of affirmation. They're nice. They're pretty. But I mean, seriously, one can only hear how unbelievably gorgeous they are a certain number of times a day until it starts to become really annoying. I get it, ok? I do have a mirror in my house. Criminy

Yet many bloggers out there get discouraged and frustrated by the dark side of blogging, aka the anonymous "cowards and chicken people" (thanks Ellen) that give their one cent opinion without backup. Without authority. And quite honestly, without balls.

The ones that comment on your blog anonymously. The ones that create fake social media accounts just to chastise you. The ones that make up super ridiculous pseudo usernames and then post harebrained commentary on goofy sites that have no basis whatsoever. (Just fyi: I wasn't taken out of public school because I had a few pregnancy scares. Actually, I never even fornicated until my senior year at private Christian school. So there.)

And the funniest part is so many bloggers try and claim they don't pay attention to the negativity, that they don't read.

No, no. Lies, all lies. You do. You definitely do. You do because you can't not. You do because that urge is the exact same urge that prompted you to start an online diary in the first place. You are interested in and want to know what people think about you. 

You read, I read, We all read.

Now, I have always maintained that I really, no really don't give a shit what outsiders think about me, and by outsiders, I mean people who are completely asinine. People who have no positive bearings on my life. I always "consider my source" when processing if the information is valid enough to be a blip on my radar.

Look. We all gotta get in where we fit in. There is a place on the internets for everyone. A place for pedophiles to congregate (burn in hell), a place for adult humans who are obsessed with action figures, a place for decent bloggers to write and earn some bucks and a place where the undesirables go and spew all their anonymous idiocrasy.

Listen. I love a good debate. I love and respect opposing opinions. I welcome contending rebuttals, no matter how adverse. It's part of what makes this whole writing thing fun and interesting!

It's the anonymity part that I don't respect. I mean, here I am, writing my feelings and opinions that are open and subject to criticism, with my dippy mug and email address right there on clear display, yet so many who want to interject a thought or feedback are doing so under a false pretense.

It's just silly. I don't bite. I don't censor my writing nor do I censor my feedback section, because I welcome both sides equally. I may be mean and scary during a game of Pictionary, but I assure you I am just a simple, sweet, understanding (most likely buzzed) girl behind a computer.

If someone writes in the comment section, "you are such a nasty whore who needs to stick your body in a garbage disposal so it matches your face," and they have a name and e-mail address attached, I can totally respect that! Because then I can actually correspond and reply with something along the lines of, "you're actually only half right. I was a whore, but now I'm totally not. I sometimes wish I was still a whore, but you know, marriage and all that stuff. As for the garbage disposal business...wouldn't that hurt?!" And then from there we could have a grown-up back and forth conversation.

It's when the unidentified anons crackalack that really chaps my big, yet firm bouncy buns. However I must say, you all give me crazy laughs. Almost better than my snicker Pinterest board and there is some funny shiz over there.

Own your shit! I own mine. Bring yourself up to my playing field. Don't be the pitiful one on the sidelines throwing stones and hiding your face behind a Scream mask. 

I promise, give you my word...I won't get offended and cry or lash out and track you down at your residence and nunchuck your ass. 

Unless you really, really want me to. 

In that case I have to warn you...

if that scenario occurs, you may just come to love me. 

Smooches.

10.14.2014

Read

^^ all above books are sequels I need to read (besides Clan of the Cave Bear)

It's time again for another book post. I swear, sometimes I feel as if I'm the Mario Andretti of book reading, and other times I find myself reading chapters two or three times just to refresh my memory because it's been so long since I picked up the book and my brain forgot what I had previously read.

Nevertheless, reading is still one of my all time favorite things in ever. So below are a few books I have finished and my relaying thoughts on each.

So I actually first read this book when it came out in 2011 and I read it again just last month. I liked it even better the second time, as it is a nice relief from all the popular dystopian and fantasy books out right now.

Room is about a woman who is trapped in an eleven-by-eleven-foot space. She was abducted by a man 7 years ago and has been held captive ever since. She subsequently gave birth to a son in the room (by product of him continuously raping her) and that room is all her son has ever known his entire life.

I don't want to spoil the ending so I won't give anything else away, but even with the darkness and the disturbing factor of Room, it was a page-turner and one I couldn't put down. Very interesting psychological conduct and reading in this one.

Obviously I've read Gone Girl and loved it. 

Dark Places is one of two books Gillian Flynn wrote prior to Gone Girl, and it kept me just as on edge. Gillian Flynn has a darkness to her writing, sometimes a little raunchiness, and I love it.

This book is a crime thriller that will have you reading whenever you get a spare minute. The characters are so real, the setting and the life situations are so easy to imagine happening in real life which just makes it that much more freaky.

Dark Places is a dark book but one you will devour in a matter of hours.

Then there is Gillian Flynn's other pre-Gone Girl novel, Sharp Objects.

Just as great, just as suspenseful, absolutely a page-turner with a totally unexpected ending. I honestly can't say which book of hers I liked the most...all three are all so engrossing and entertaining and edge-of-your-seat fantastic that all I can say is read them all!

I wrote about The Maze Runner series in my last read post. I loved the series. Absolutely loved the series from start to finish. And I thought I had finished it when I read the third book however I realized the author had penned a sequel after the series had ended.

And I don't know about you, but my brain doesn't work that way. I can't get all invested and lovey-dovey with the characters in an entire series and then be expected to read a book that happened PRE? No. I didn't like it and that is exactly why I didn't read Kill Order for a few months. 

Then I was at Target doing the usual, throwing a bunch of useless crap into my shopping cart and this book happened to make the cut.

Which I am completely glad it did, because I really really enjoyed reading this. It gave me a lot of good background to the series I loved, and I even really started to feel for the characters in this prequel. Trust a bish, if you loved The Maze Runner, read this!

Then we have The Eye of Minds, by the same author who wrote The Maze Runner series. 

I admit I picked it up because I was just so in love with TMR, not having any idea what it was even about. And then I realized what it was all about, which is a total gaming book.

Gaming as in futuristic video games. Something I would never ever think I would be into (however I also never thought I would be into alien books and The 5th Wave was such an amazingly awesome book) and imagine my surprise when I realized I loved it. So much so that I pre-ordered the sequel from Amazon two months prior to it being released. 

James Dashner's style of writing is infectious. He could make any topic interesting, as I learned with The Eye of Minds. I mean, I loathe video games. And I loved this book.

Which brings us to the series I am currently reading, The Mortal Instruments series.

I finished the first book, City of Bones, and at the risk of sounding like a broken record, I held off on reading this series because I never thought I would be into reading about demons and vampires and werewolves. Like, ever.

Yet here I am. Halfway through the second book in the series and I am so totally into it and invested and caught up in this incredible world of Shadowhunters and fantasy that I get shivers thinking about the unread books on my shelf waiting to be devoured. 

I LOVE THIS SERIES! It's just amazing how reading books transports you into another world. I love it. I love it and I never want to stop.

++++++++++++++++++++++

Side note: 
books being made into movies.

Gone Girl. LOVED the book. Saw the movie last weekend and just...I don't even quite know. Usually, I love watching the movie after I read the book, but this time? Not so much. I kind of didn't enjoy the movie at all. Which is still weird to me, because I can't quite put my finger on why. 

I do know I definitely do not want to watch it again.

The Maze Runner. Has anyone seen the movie? I haven't. Just because I haven't made it to the theater to watch it and I'm kind of waiting to buy it on pay-per-view so I can watch it in the comfort of my own home, where I can pause the movie when I have to pee. Anyway, totally excited to see this movie!

+++++++++++++++++++++++

I have so many books on my Goodreads list to read that I feel like I'm racing to the finish and I need to get them all read before I die. 

So many books, so little time.

Ugh.

10.13.2014

So Offended. No, But Really.



Alright, I had to.

After reading one of my favorite ever blogs, I saw a link to this site titled Humans Against Harassment. Look, I'm totally against harassment. I hate bullying, people who antagonize and shitty peeps in general.

However, you know what I hate even more? 

People who completely blow things out of proportion. People who make the biggest damn deal out of something that doesn't deserve it. People who have absolutely nothing better to do in their lives than create unnecessary drama to try and make themselves feel important. 

For example: women who hold up signs saying they were "scared" after being "harassed" on the streets. 

"Street harassment" they are calling it. Like, it has an official name. I'm sure the creator of said site hopes the phrase will make it into the dictionary just as fast as "selfie" and "bromance" did. 

And what exactly is "street harassment?" Basically, it's compliments from the opposite sex. 

And look. Before we get all crazy here, I'm not advocating real harassment. Someone who follows a woman home? Yes, harassment and a stalker, totally punishable by law. Someone who is relentless and doesn't quit when a woman says "shut the f*ck up?" Yes, harassment and deserves a kick to the genitals.

But when some random dude on the street gives a whistle or shouts out a "hey hottie!" So not harassment. Last time I checked, that was an acclamation. But I know that's boring and makes for a lame blog, so let's title it something catchy and round up all the extremist fems and boom. Success!

Because what. A simple "thanks" wouldn't suffice? Are you so incredibly offended that a stranger on the street found you somewhat attractive? And even if you were peeved a little, so what? It was a blip in your entire 24 hour day. Move on. Don't make a huge deal out of it. But nooooooo. That wouldn't cause an outcry. That would't give you the attention you so desperately need. 

Instead, you take a marker to a piece of paper and write a sob story about being called "sexy" and submit it to some pathetic website that panders to people just like you who obviously have issues.

Because let me ask you this. What if the male paying you a compliment is extremely incredibly OMG gorgeous? I mean, I highly doubt if any of you crazy f-nazis heard the words "dayum girl, that body be rockin'!" come from Ryan Gosling's mouth, you wouldn't be crying "violation! How dare you! My rights! I'm woman hear me roar!"

No. You would be so flattered and most likely tell every person within a fifty mile radius that Ryan Gosling found you hot.

Is it only "harassment" if you aren't attracted to the guy or the cat-caller is butt ugly? 'Cause that seems pretty sexist to me. 

And look again. I get it. You're just trying to walk to the nearest Starbucks and you get inundated with random unwelcome comments. It can be annoying. 

So can getting a curly fry in your straight-cut fries at Carls Jr. So can toilet paper stuck to the bottom of your shoe. I mean for sakes...stale cheetos is probably the most annoying thing on the entire planet. But should I create an entire website because of it? Should I give traction to and make it such a huge deal because someone went all mean girl on me back in tenth grade?

No. Because that would be pretty silly.

And like for serious. There are so many more important issues to give our time and dedication to than getting our wittle feelings hurt 'cause someone with a pickle thought we weren't so horrendous in appearance to completely ignore us and GOD FORBID give you a little bit of affirmation. 

What's next?

Someone will start a cause to call middle schoolers "purple penguins" instead of "boys and girls?"

Oh wait.

10.09.2014

True Story


Let's just get it out there. Chuck E. Cheese is a disaster. Unless you have an affinity for drug deals underneath the animatronic show, contracting herpes or really, really bad pizza, most people avoid the place like Planned Parenthood on a Saturday.

Rob and I didn't plan to take our kids to Chuck E. Cheese, no, instead we took them to the much more socially acceptable local trampoline park, which turned out to be closed because it was a Sunday - a weekend day - aka a day all kids are out of school - aka one very bad business decision because hello! it's the weekend and when else are kids supposed to break an ankle jumping into the foam pit…however that is neither here nor there and the moral of the story is the tramp park was closed, our kids were pretty upset and after ten minutes of begging to go to Chuck E. Cheese instead we gave in like most incompetent parents these days who would rather just say yes than expend energy actually, like, parenting.

So there we were. It was shoulder-to-shoulder traffic, much like Vegas on New Years Eve except Rob wasn't drunk. (I was, in case you missed that. Turns out, plastic Starbucks containers with "water" is perfectly acceptable for a high-class joint like Chucks.) Somehow, Rob and I got split up, with him in one corner of the place with one kid while I was on the other side with my 5 year old.

There is this game similar to jump rope. You stand on a platform and when the digital lights circle around, you "jump" over them. The line was five deep. My precious little angel baby was waiting patiently, super excited to try his turn and win a few tickets that at best would get him a piece of gum. (You know how they do there -- get your kids all uber excited about winning all these prize tickets and then when they get to the counter to claim their reward, their only options are paperclips or superglue, unless you pony up twenty extra bucks and then they get to pick out an amazing toy that would cost you $6.99 at Target.)

Back to the story. Gunner's turn was coming up. We had been waiting a while and there was only one person in front of him. A girl, about nine years old. She stepped up to the platform and took her turn. When her time ran out, she reached into her pocket and plunked in another token. Alright, no big. So she got a little overly juiced up and wanted to continue on her winning streak. After her second turn was over, I was astounded when she reached into her pocket yet again and plunked yet another token into the machine.

You know when you say something to your dog that really entices them such as "want a treat?!" and they kind of cock their head to the side like so? Yeah, that. That is what I did as I watched this little hussy in front of me overstay her welcome. And then Gunner looking up at me with his angel eyes wondering why he wasn't getting a rightfully deserved turn to jump rope his way to a plastic superhero toy marked up 2000% really lit a fire inside of me.

Of course, given that I'm a decent human and forgiving the fact that this female was only in the single digit age bracket, I politely waited for her to finish her third turn and caught her attention right before she was about to reach into her pocket again for a token.

"Hi there, would it be okay for my son to have a turn now? He's been waiting in line for a while."

Homegirl looked right at me, gave me her best you disgust me look and turned back around to play another turn.

That dog-head-cocked-to-the-side thing? Imagine if that dog was possessed, about to have an exorcism performed on him. Also see : Oh haaaaaaiiiillllllll no girlfriend!

So I took a step forward and stood between the jump rope machine and the hustler. Still nicely, still politely, still giving this young lady the benefit of the doubt. I mean, maybe her mother watched The View while pregnant, you never know. And once again, I declared, "you don't understand. My son has been waiting patiently in line and it's his turn. You had three turns and now it's his turn."

What came next I am still trying to grapple with. I mean, I didn't walk into Chuck E. Cheese's thinking we were at some upscale Build-A-Bear workshop. I knew what I was facing. For God's sake, I snuck in vodka in a Starbuck's container! Still. Still. I wasn't expecting to hear the following:

"Go ahead ugly. You look like the Kardashian with the big nose."

Right about now would usually be the time I would pull out my numchucks and karate a bitch, but I was just so…...I mean.…..did she just…...???

Oh. my. gawd. 

She said I look like Khloe Kardashian.

Forget my kid and his jump rope aspirations.

This is the BEST. DAY. EVER.

Like, ever.

(Please God let her have been referring to Khloe and not Bruce.)



*this was a repost from a year ago,
but the memory still remains ingrained in my head.

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