Just An Added Bonus

#word. photo from my fitness pinterest board

Since getting serious about getting fit, I've been noticing a lot of people talk about Shakeology on instagram. I saw all these women in amazing shape rave about the shakes and how it has given them mass energy and helped propel them into losing weight.

Now let me just stop here and say I don't believe in any quick fixes. If you have been around this blog long enough, you know I've tried some pretty silly things before, and obviously, quick fixes never work. Which is why I've gone back to the tried and true method of eating healthy and working out. It's been just over two months since I started getting serious, and I haven't missed a workout once (M-F). I've been eating really clean (for the most part, I definitely allow myself a few snacks here and there) and even though it's only been two months, I can definitely see improvement. What I'm doing is working, and it motivates me to keep it up. 

That said, I am all for extensions to help aid in my weight loss. I know working out and eating right is the bulk of it, but I also know other things can help the progress. So when I started hearing all about Shakeology, I was interested. 

Shakeology has been all the rage lately, being blasted all over social media. It's exploding and for good reason. It's super nutritious, incredibly filling and tastes amazing. Yet, don't all "shake companies" say that?? Truth is, they do. Basically, you can find out every single thing you need to know right here

Look. Yes, I am a Beachbody "coach" (I have no idea why they call it that) and I sell the stuff. I have a website here where you can order Shakeology. That said, I don't have a quota I have to meet monthly. There are no fees for me to sell Shakeology except for a monthly $14.00 charge to keep my website up and running. If no one ever orders Shakeology from me, no skin off my back. I'm not trying to recruit anyone to sign up nor will I ever beg for your money. All I'm here to do is talk about my experience with the stuff and how it has been impacting my life and my weight loss goals and if anyone out there decides to try it out themselves, well then, yay! If not, yay also! Everyone has to do what works for them.

For me, I've been making a chocolate shake with PB2 and almond milk, once a day. I don't substitute mine for a meal, because I like to eat my meals, not drink them. But let me tell you from experience, I am full after I drink a shake. And it gives me crazy energy. I usually make mine right after I do my workout, and I'm walking on top for hours. My stomach feels heavy, in a good way, like I just ate an entire Italian meal except I only had a low calorie very high nutritious shake.

Bottom line, I'm a fan. I've tried tons of fads and quick fixes and obviously none of it worked. I should have known better anyway, as when I was my thinnest and most in shape, I was working out religiously and eating super healthy. Now that I have found Shakeology as a add-on to my weight loss, I am in seventh heaven. 

IF you want, you can order some here. If you don't, please don't. 

I promise I won't be madz.

Happy weekend friends.


Shit My Kid Says

Gunner: Can I say bad words?
Me: No.
Gunner: Well Tanner cusses, I hear'd him. So if he can, then I can.
Me: That's bullshit. And if you say that again, I'll pop your ass.

Gunner: Can we go to McDonalds and get a happy meal?
Me: No.
Gunner: Whyyyyyyyyyy?
Me: Because McDonalds will kill you.
Gunner: He will?!
Me: I mean the chicken nuggets will kill you.
Gunner: They will?!
Me: Yes. 
Gunner: But…the chicken nuggets are so…small.

Colt: Mom?
Me: What.
Colt: Mom??
Me: What.
Colt: Mommy?
Colt: Ummm…mom? Mom?
Me: My God WHAT kid spit it out!!!!
Colt: Nuffing. I mean, I just love you. 
Me: Oh. Thanks.
Colt: That's all I wanted to say.
Me: (hangs head in shame)

Gunner: Today in school we learned about fairness.
Me: And what did you learn about being fair?
Gunner: That we all have a job to do and it's our job to do our own job and we shouldn't expect anyone else to do our job for us because we need to do our own job.
Me: Damn I love Republican teachers.

Gunner: I want to play soccer.
Me: Soccer is boring.
Gunner: You're boring.
Me: No, watching you play soccer would be boring.
Gunner: Watching you watch Dr. Phil all day is boring.
Me: Touche. Soccer it is.

Colt: Mommy, I'm a kitty.
Me: Awww. I love kitties.
Colt: Mom, kitty wants a cookie.
Me: Son, mommy wants a Ferrari.

Gunner: Mommy, what's breakfast?
Me: What do you mean?
Gunner: Some of the kids in my class talk about breakfast.
Me: Breakfast is a fable. It's make-believe. Breakfast is for kids whose mommies get up at the ass crack of dawn and make them nasty lumpy pancakes and give them gag-inducing pulpy juice and then those mommies are monsters all day long because they are over-stressed and over-tired and are just bad, evil people.
Gunner: Is that why you are the best mommy ever? Because you sleep 'til lunchtime?
Me: God bless you child.

Ranch Doesn't Look Good In A Bikini

Some things stick in my head forever, things I've heard once and never have forgotten, things like, "No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted" and "You ain't no hoe if you don't go down below" and "You can't outwork a bad diet." 

You can't outwork a bad diet.

That one has definitely stuck with me. Remember last week when I talked about my workout routine? How I explained how much I hate and despise working out yet do it anyway, and how doing so makes me eat super healthy because I won't let all that hard work go to waste by eating shit?

It's because I know that no matter how hard I work out, if I eat bad, unhealthy foods, my hard work in the gym will be useless. And I refuse to do something I inherently loathe five days a week and not reap any benefits. I'm much too smart for that.


I've been changing my eating habits drastically. First off, I haven't been finishing my kids' food. I don't eat their last chicken nugget or the rest of their pancakes or God forbid finish off their mac and cheese. I want to, believe me, I want to. But I don't. Because I know I will never get the body I want by eating randomly and without thought. I will never get there by thinking "might as well not let it go to waste." Because let's be honest here: those leftovers look much better in the trash then they do on my thighs. 

I've also been eating a mostly vegetarian diet. I would say I eat meat (only organic chicken or turkey) a maximum of once a week. My ultimate goal is to be completely meat-free. I haven't had red meat in over two months, and to all my vegetarian readers out there…I don't think chicken or turkey is any better than red meat! I really don't! I only admitted to eating it so my sister wouldn't call me out in the comments. Because yes, Rachel, I have had a few buffalo chicken wraps at your house, and yes they were delicious but I haven't watched Food Inc. lately nor re-read Skinny Bitch but I plan to and when I do, please stock up on tofu for me!

When it comes to dairy, I stay away from cows milk. I get my lattes made with almond milk and I don't eat cheddar cheese. I've tried, God trust me I've tried but I just can't seem to give up feta or goat cheese. I've tried vegan cheeses and I about vomed right then and there. Feta and goat, forever my kryptonite. And right now, I'm okay with that. I'm also okay with fish now and then. If I know where it came from and that it wasn't genetically modified. 

Another change I have made is nothing fried, absolutely no fast food and zero sodas. Water water water and more water.

So what do I eat exactly?

Vegetables. Tons of vegetables. Vegetables are my favorite food group, honest to God. There isn't a single vegetable you could put in front of me that I wouldn't eat. Onions, peppers, asparagus, zucchini, green beans, broccoli…I love it all. When it comes to fruit? I'm really not a huge fan. My favorite fruits are tomatoes and avocados (which I eat daily) and both those seem much more like a veggie anyway.

Beans. All kinds of beans. Quinoa. Grains. Lettuce. And all that other boring stuff people tell you they eat when they are on some kind of strict diet and all you can think is pizzaburgerstacoschocolate.

But it's the truth. It's what I eat. Because I can't eat pizza and burgers and tacos and chocolate on the regular and get to my goal of being thin and bikini-ready. I just can't. I haven't had one of my signature goat cheese veggie pizzas in months. (Besides that one time. That one time Rachel! And they were tiny!) 

I haven't had bread or bagels or pasta in weeks. 

I've been eating clean. And in some ways it sucks, because I want pizza and burgers and tacos and chocolate but I want to be hott (yes two t's!) this summer so much more!

So below…exactly what I have been eating:

1. A quick concoction I threw together. Quinoa, beans, sautéed veggies and an all organic natural peanut sauce. (I am very weary about sauces in general…most are high in all sorts of terrible things. I usually look for the words "all natural, organic and gluten free.")

2. Rockfish tacos. Edit/add to your liking/diet. Always add avocados!

3. Spaghetti squash tex mex. To die for! So. much. flavor. One of my favorites.

4. Mexican bean salad. With this, I add the bean salad to my usual batch of sautéed veggies (onions, peppers, green onions, tomatoes and mushrooms) and put it in a whole grain wrap (max wrap 120 cals) and add a little feta cheese and Sriracha sauce. SO GOOD!

1&2. Salads. Lots and lots of salads. I'm not lying either when I say I really enjoy salad. Would I be lying if I said I prefer salad over deep dish veggie pizza with everything? F*ck yes. But I can't be a skinny bitch with deep dish pizza so this is where we are.

What do I put on top of my organic mixed greens? Tomatoes, black beans, feta cheese and the most amazing salad toppings ever. I also always make my own salad dressing, because store bought salad dressing is drenched in the devil.

I just mix equal parts olive oil and balsamic vinegar with a spoonful of minced garlic. Beats ranch dressing anytime. And ok so that was totally a lie but ranch doesn't look good in a bikini.

And now here we are. I have been eating the way I described above for well over a couple months. I have been working out the way I described here for well over a couple months. And results I am seeing. 

The results are slow, they aren't immediate. But I am seeing progress and I know for a fact if I keep it up then I will be one of those skinny bitches I have always dreamed of being.

Hey. Dreams are different for every individual person.

I've never claimed to be some inspirational "doing it for the health!" guru and I won't pretend now.

I just want to be mother*cking hot.

And because every good health slash fitness post needs before photos…

here are mine:

Let me just say right away, I know I'm not fat. I'm not hating on my body as in "woe is me" I'm a horrible ogre. I have my good attributes and my bad.

My current problem areas are my stomach, my arms and my thighs. My best angle is from the side, as it hides my straight-on sore sights. I won't go into much detail about my strength training (you can read about that here) but I definitely up my weights and make my workout count.

Basically, I want all my exes to be jealous and my husband to be slack-jawed.



A Little Family Update

- Gunner has been insisting on dressing himself every morning. Much to my dismay, obviously, as I am completely looks obsessed and measure my love for my children based entirely on their physical appearance. It's been hard to love him less when he dresses like a complete goober but such is life.

-Colt is still cool as school. My favorite. And treated as such.

- The adorable girl in the above pic is my niece and second cousin, Lila. As I've stated before, my first cousin Terra married Rob's brother. Terra was actually in my wedding as a bridesmaid but had a boyfriend at the time, and she didn't end up dating Rob's brother until a few months later. We keep it all in the family over here!

- My sister Rachel's girls. Three under three. The daughters I never had. Ha! Just kidding. What I really mean is the daughters I never personally wanted but get to hang out with and cuddle and give copious amounts of cookies to and then leave them with their mom and go home without any daughters. That's totally what I meant.

But omg I love those girls. Especially the little one. Most definitely especially the little one.

- Oh and guess what. My favorite sister is finally pregnant!!! It's a girl and she is naming her Raven!!! Ok so I might have made that last part up (it's too soon to know the sex) but a favorite auntie can hope, right Boobie? They are in the process of building a new home and I've already given my specs as to what I demand my guest room be like. Bay window, central air, beachy colors and the master bedroom. I don't think it's too much to ask.

In all seriousness, congratulations Boobie and Tony! I am so excited to see my new niece or nephew! I'm just as excited to photograph the birth and refrigerate the placenta for you two to BBQ up and eat on your babies first anniversary! Yummy!


Finally, I wanted to give you guys an update as to the vlog Rob and I are recording. I asked on instagram for you guys to ask Rob and I any questions, and we would answer any and all. 

I tried. 

I tried hard. It was our first attempt at our second joint vlog and I had high hopes. 

Yet, the whole thing blew up in my face. Because WE ARE THAT COUPLE.

You know the one. 

As seen below…

Yes, that couple.

I make no hidden agendas to our real marital status.


Goodbye and happy weekend. 

ps. I am still working on getting Rob and I to record 
a non R-rated vlog answering every single one of your 
questions. I swear come hell or high water I will either 
drug him or threaten him until he obliges. Pinky. 


My Top Three in Beauty

Another quick beauty post on three of my absolute must-haves...

When I instagrammed the above photo yesterday, I got a few inquiries about what I was wearing on my face to make it highlight and "glow." Let me introduce you to one of my favorite products ever:

Nars Copacabana Illuminator. I'm sure eeeeeeeeeeveryone has heard about the obsessive cult product Nars Orgasm Illuminator, which I have and love btw, however, whenever I wear the Copacabana I get the most compliments. It gives you that dewy glow on your cheeks, nose and forehead and it looks amazing over makeup or just dabbed on your cheeks when you wake up in the morning and want to look fresh. Most definitely one of my must-have beauty products.

Bed Head After Party. I have been obsessed with this hair product since I was a teenager, no lie. I started dying and bleaching my hair at 15 years old, and after a few years, I realized I needed something strong and amazing to keep my damaged hair in check. Since I was 18, I have probably bought approx. 30 of these bottles, two a year. Whenever I get close to being out, I get all stressy and immediately high tail it to Target or my grocery store and pick up a new bottle. THIS STUFF IS AMAZING. It's a smoothing cream that does exactly what it says, and it has helped my frizzy dried damaged hair look soft and flowy for the past decade a half. 

Finally, lashes. I've been obsessed with long, luscious lashes for as long as I can remember. I've tried probably 50% of the mascaras Ulta sells as well as getting lash extension a few times. And as much as I loved the look of lash extensions, I did notice they damaged my natural lashes a little bit. So I decided to stop with the faux lashes and that's when I was introduced to Younique Moonstruck 3D Fiber Lashes

And seriously OMG. After trying it once, I was amazed. Not a joke, the 3D Fiber Lashes gave me the exact same result as getting lash extensions put on. Lash extensions can cost $100 or more, and the 3D Fiber Lashes only cost $29. Steal.

You put on the fiber lashes like you would any normal mascara. You wash it off at night like you would any normal mascara. No damage whatsoever to your natural lashes and when you apply the product, you get a 300% increase in volume and length. No more fake lashes and extensions, this product is legit and works. Before is an untouched photo of me wearing the 3D Fiber Lashes…

I'm telling you, I am a fan and have never come across any mascara product that gives me the results that the 3D Fiber Lashes do. You can get yours here, but only if you want tons of compliments every day about your super amazing lashes. (You also check out the Facebook page here where the seller shares info about new products, specials and giveaways.)

And there we have it. Three of my must-have beauty products of like, ever.


One Last Plug

So I wasn't going to post today but figured why not get one last sponsored plug in 
before the campaign I'm participating in closes in 24 hours. 

Moms. Cereal. Superheroes. Free Comics. 

Click here for all the details!