Getting My Skin Summer Ready

They say, a bikini body is made in the winter. Not like, twelve days before summer which is kind of what I have done the past few years. And I say past few years because before that? Like before I had kids and even after I had my first? I worked out all the time. Before kids was easy, but even while pregnant with Gunner, I worked out at least five days a week, never missing a one. After he was born? Five days a week, never missing a one

Colt was the one who did me in. I don't care what they say, going from one kid to two is a huh-uge adjustment. I've gotten back on track a few times here and there, but I've learned by and long the only way to get results and keep them is to eat less, move more. So revolutionary I know, but trust a bish...I've tried it all. 

So now that that's settled, let's talk about how I'm preparing my skin to look it's best this summer. A few of these things I have talked about before, but I feel they are so important and so vital so stellar skin care that I'm mentioning them again now. 

1. Dry brushing.
I've talk abut this in length before here, and it is something I have stuck with ever since. Dry brushing has completely transformed my skin, period, and so many women I know swear by this technique. It's exactly how it sounds...you take a body brush, get in the shower (before you turn the water on) and use the brush all over your body, paying particular attention to your legs. The goal is a few things: 

a) to diminish cellulite. And let's be honest, isn't that the most important thing? The theory is this: your skin is your biggest canvas, and when you stimulate the skin thru dry brushing, it helps rid itself of toxins. Cellulite is toxic. It is accumulated in your body's fat cells as they are unable to be eliminated. Dry brushing helps smooth the skin and gives it a more, well, smooth appearance. 

b) increase circulation. Just like when you stimulate and increase circulation in other body parts (ahem), the same thing goes with increasing circulation in your skin. It makes the blood flow more, which results is softer, healthier looking skin. I cannot stress how this has changed my skin as whole...my husband tells me daily how much softer my skin has become since I started. Scaly skin? Dry brush. You will have scales no more, promise. 

The entire premise is to brush towards the heart. Get the skin and inner workings stimulated and pumping towards that heart. 

c) it helps shed dead skin cells. Dry brushing takes away the ashy appearance of skin and improves it's texture and cell renewal. Slather on some lotion when you are done taking a shower and omg, you will never, ever skip dry brushing again.

Some good informative articles of dry brushing can be found here and here

Also, this is my favorite dry brush EVER

2. Hot/cold water therapy.
Listen. At first, this may sound a bit out there, but after trying it? And after reading why it works? You will never stop this tradition. 

What is it exactly? Again, it's just how it sounds: while in the shower (most people do this at the very end of their shower), you turn the water to extremes: as hot as you can handle and then as cold as you can handle. I personally only do this to my lower half - my legs specifically, because they are my biggest problem area. 

Hot/cold water therapy benefits you in that "when the body is subjected to cold external temperatures, the flow of circulation is directed inward toward the internal organs. As the outside temperature gets hot, the flow of circulation goes outward toward the skin. Alternating hot and cold makes the circulation move in and out like an accordian. This has the effect of unblocking stuck flows, increasing the rate of detoxification and moving nutrients more readily to various parts of the body." (via healthfree)

You guys. Read this article also. It perfectly explains how cold water has negative energy removal effects, and how alternating between hot and cold water stimulates the skin and makes it glow and rid itself of dangerous toxins. Trust me, stimulating the skin has enormous effects!

3. Moisturize. 
I know this one seems obvious, but I swear by lathering my entire body in lotion every single day. My favorite example is how when I was pregnant, I was told over and over again that no matter what I did, stretch marks were just a part of the game. You were either going to get them or you weren't.

Maybe, maybe not. All I know is that I slathered body lotion all over my body my entire pregnancy. I didn't get one stretch mark. I compare this to taking a rubber band. It stretches in and out: don't moisturize the rubber band at all and when it stretches out, it will get cracks here and there. Moisture and lube the rubber band? It will stretch out and return to it's normal size, without any cracks and abrasions. This is a theory that has been in my head since the second I found out I was pregnant and I stand by it to this day. Moisturizing with lotion every single day and on every inch of you body is not something to dismiss!

This is what I do every day:

Get in the shower with the water off, take my dry brush and spend about three minutes on my entire body, paying special attention to my legs. I then turn on the water and take a loofah to my skin, exfoliating all the dead skin cells and rubbing off everything the dry brushing just eliminated.

I then do my usual thing in the shower and right before I'm ready to get out, I alternate between freezing cold water and semi-scalding hot water...as cold and as hot as I can take it...and do this about 3-4 times on each side: front of my legs and back of my legs. I always end on the cold water cycle as cold water is the best to eliminate toxins. 

I get out of the shower, blow kiss myself in the mirror and then get to work slathering on the body lotion. I never miss a morning and it has become a favorite daily routine of mine. 

So there you go. Summer skin ready in three easy steps. 

See you in 90 degrees.


A Few Things Before The Weekend

- Stitchfix kicked it out of the park this month! I asked for a cute cropped jean jacket and a cute cropped jean jacket is what I got! I can't wait to wear it this summer with my bikini and Uggs! 

I also got the cutest elephant print top that will be perfect for the Natural Products Expo West that I will be attending next weekend in LA. Super cute, super professional, super kinda not me but kinda still me so I shall rock that blouse (I hate that word, so uppity and stupid) in style.

Also, the black top and black pants I am wearing in the photos above? I got from a previous Stitchfix box. I'm telling you, if you haven't already, you have to sign up for this program. It's only $20 a month, however, whatever items you decide to keep for the month, that $20 goes towards the price of that item. You just fill out a detailed questionnaire of your exact style and price point, and a personal stylist will send you five items once a month to your front door. You keep what you want, send back what you don't, in a prepaid package that's included. I would say on average I keep about 2-3 items from each shipment. They also send accessories and jewelry and you can request a certain item (like I did with the jean jacket) and boom bam bang - shows up at your place every 4 weeks. (You can read about my first ever fix here.)

1 / 2 / 3 / 4

- It's never too early for me to start thinking about summer and boating and beaching and loud music and cocktails and just...I honestly think this cold dark weather is making me for reals though depressed. So depressed. I need sun to be happy! So in the meantime, I was browsing bikini coverups online (because every girl needs a totally fabulous one...or thirty) and found these...

1. Surf Gypsy crochet cover up found here.
2. Trina Turk Pop Wave cover up found here.
3. Wildfox Couture Mai Tai cover up found here.
4. Steve Madden Mesh cover up found here.

And all under $140!

- And finally, I randomly chose a winner from the My Skin Secrets post and Emily Winn you are the winner! I will contact you via email and get you in touch with Britney so you can choose your free product! Congrats! (And GUYS. I am not lying when I say the microdermabrasion paste is AMAZING. I've been using it over a month now and it has literally changed my skin. You will notice right away when you get in the shower and wash it off...your skin comes out feeling smooth at butter. Try it and tell me I'm lying! So much cheaper than a visit to the dermatologist!)

Have a good weekend! I plan on continuing being depressed that it's not 95 and sunny out, having drinks tomorrow night with my husband and a BBQ at my house Saturday with Seth and Jaianne! Remember them? 

Only the cutest couple to ever walk the earth. They get married in less then 5 months and are also building a house only minutes from me! 



We're Only Mean Girls If You Push Our Buttons

"You can't sit with us."

Playfully thrown around by every girl ever. Most are joking, some are serious. I assume the serious ones are total bitches and no one wants to sit with them anyway so psshhh bye.

However I absolutely believe there is a time and place for "you can't sit with us" to be implemented. Let me tell you this: no one gets along with everyone. And if you say you do, you're lying. Or either really really really boring and with no original thought ever in the world. And in that case, you don't have a table to talk of so double psshhh bye.

Let me be clear outright: I am one of the nicest people you will ever meet. Maybe not initially, when you first see me, I admit I can come across as a little snotty and stuck-up. I'm also super honest if I forgot to mention? Anyway. I totally and completely acknowledge at first meet, I can seem a tad pretentious. A little haughty. But let me tell you why! It's because in my experience, I have come across so many for real snotty and haughty girls that I automatically put my guard up and model that iPhone emoticon girl with the crossed arms. She = me.

However! No matter where I am, who I'm with, what situation I'm in...if anyone approaches me and says hello, I automatically turn to mush and am all, "hiiiiiiiii girl! What's your name? Wanna come over to my house for a drink? Wanna go bikini shopping together? Wanna be besties?! Forever and ever amen?" And I kid you not. That's just the truth! I may put up a front, but once you get behind the curtain, I am kumbaya, one love, group text, sister wives, let's have a sleepover together and paint each other's toes kind of person. 

It's my nature to be all loving and smothering to my newest friend of the week. (For reals though, I have some of the best besties ever, and they never fail me. And I hope I never fail them!) But like I've stated before, there are a few things that are non-negotionables when it comes to my friendship:

- we can't have the same "good side" when taking selfies.
- you are easily offended. If I have to explain and apologize for the super offensive jibe I just made at your expense, we cannot be friends.
- if you aren't aware of your eye crust, you cannot sit with me!
- are you a crier? A god forbid shoudler crier?! Swerve. 
- if I hate her, you hate her. No questions asked. 
- we have to be able to have an entire text convo made up entirely of emoticons.
- does seeing my boobs make you uncomfortable? If so, we can't be friends.
- there may come a time I need to borrow your panties. If you can't hack that, adios.

Other than that, I'm relatively not that picky. 

But ok here comes the important part. The part where Mean Girls made a super important point.

Me and my friends are amazing. Just as I assume you and your friends are as well. However, once you cross that line - and there is a line - you be ousted! Not only that, but "you can't sit with us" never took on the meaning it does now. 

Like say for example: me and my friends are at the bar ordering a drink. We look over and see you and your sidekick so obviously whispering and gossiping in our direction. Now, I don't judge those of you that gossip...I do the same. The difference is, I do so in a classy, uptown kind of way.

So when you are so obviously snarling in our direction, without even trying to hide your wily ways, you better bet your ass we are going to approach you and ask what the hell you are staring at. And when Stacee does, like she did last weekend, and you respond with, "what? I don't even know what you are talking about?" you best believe I will come here where you so obviously read and say to you, "listen you rake, you only wish you could sit at our table."

It's the little things, like when I invite you into my home and you steal my makeup brushes. Or when you show up somewhere wearing the same suede fringe boots as me. Or when we're in the Dominican Republic and you leave me stranded on some remote island with a dude named Willie.

Things like those are just indefensible. No excuse. There are consequences for your actions. And yeah girl, no, you can't sit with us. 



Hot Mess Express. All Aboard!

On yesterday's blog post, anonymous posed the ever so eloquent question (that they later deleted), "do you really think you're hot shit?" And I suppose the polite thing to do would be to answer that question. You ready anon?

Yes. My answer is yes, I really do think I'm hot shit. As my instagram tagline has read for months now.

But see here's the thing...I don't think I'm supermodel gorgeous by any means. I could never be on the cover of a magazine (unless we're talking like, Penthouse, and even then I'd probably get a quarter size inside insert at best) nor could I walk the runway for New York Fashion Week. Ain't ever gonna happen for me and I absolutely embrace that fact.

Because I know I'm not completely out of the game. I may not be supermodel status, but I also know I'm no Lena Dunham. See, I'm what some like to call "trashy hot." You know, the one who is stumbling down the beach with half an ass cheek hanging out, not quite sure where she's going, yet who looks like a total knockout doing so. The one who may have had a shot too many, but my shirt is tight and my boobs are big so I still come out ahead. 

I never get compared to Gisele or any of the Victoria's Secret models, but I do constantly hear I resemble that hot mess Brandi from Storage Wars. (I did a blog post on the similarities between the two of us here.) She isn't what model scouts look for in a prospect but she is and has remained at the top of the list when it comes to what men find sexy. Does it have something to do with her big huge boobs and raunchy attitude? Perhaps. But but...does it matter? 

I like holes in my jeans. I like short shorts. I like tight pants and revealing bikinis and skimpy skirts. I like not wearing a bra and I like getting attention for all of it. And if that makes me trashy then I like being trashy. Capital "T" give it to me I'll wear it loud and proud.

Does this mean I can't attend a high class event with the President of the United States and act every bit a lady? Of course not. I can hang with the best of them. Does this mean I won't sneak in a few mini bottles and take mini shots every time I go to the bathroom? Silly...I may be trashy but I'm no blockhead.

And I really don't want to hear "men bang the trashies but marry the classies" 'cause no sweetie, trashies can be as loyal and faithful as they come, but I bet they are way more fun in bed and I guarantee they can rock a studded cutoff jean short better than some 9 to 5 stuffy cardigan wearing honey.

I mean, I've gotten in trouble twice for my attire at the country club. Trouble, as in I was asked to leave the premises and please don't come back until I'm dressed "appropriately," whatever that means.  However, I later found out that the one who complained about my inappropriate clothing choice was an older gentlewoman that was displeased with her husband staring at my rack as they were trying to eat their dinner. So basically, I was dressed too provocative (my tank top wasn't even spaghetti straps! Gosh!) aka "trashy" and men were looking.

Sue me. 

And I ain't even mad about it! 'Cause "trashy" to that broad was "sexy" to her husband and I ain't even trying to get intimate with women so I'll take the male's perspective any day. (Side note: in no way am I condoning nor am I the type that would ever try to get a taken man to stray. Those women types are disgusting and deserve to have Lena Dunham sit on their face as punishment. I'm just pointing out that when women screech "trashy! She's so trashy!" it's usually code for "I'm insecure and want to eliminate that person from my man's eye view." Also known as: not my problem.)

More specifically, I may be a shoddy one, but in a group setting, I'm always the hottest shoddy. 

And truthfully? I'm totally okay with that. In fact, I'm borderline proud of it. I may just tattoo that ish on my derriere, right next to my husband's name on my left butt cheek. 

Speaking of being classy, I read once in a an article where the author said "classy girls should never pose with a drink in their hand. It's just not very becoming or attractive."

Listen skank. I'll pose with as many drinks in my hand as I want and I guarantee my picture will get more likes than yours.

What's that??