Don't Quote The Raven

10.22.2014

Some Pretty Random Randoms

love/hate elbow patch sweater found here

- So this one time, like last month, my husband dropped me off at a trailer park and I had to walk to the nearest McDonalds and call my dad on the pay phone to come and pick me up. One might think that situation is cause for divorce but for me, it's just another Thursday. And fine, to be fair, I admit I jumped out of the moving vehicle but the fact still remains that he drove off and left me. So rude.

- I am seriously obsessed with practical jokes. Obsessed. Some people don't like them because it makes them feel uncomfortable (pussies) but I relish in them. And even my kids aren't off limits. Life is short. We might as well laugh at other people.

- Sometimes, I fantasize about the director of the CDC. (Just google him.) Not really sure why, probs has something to do with the current Ebola situation and men in power. Plus, he totally reminds me of a less attractive version of Jim Caviezel. 

- I've mentioned a time or six how I despise wearing bras. I only wear one if I'm meeting with my kids' Christian school teacher or my grandpa. Besides, when you pay five grand for the goodies, you really don't need the restriction. #fakeboobprobs

- I've been accused of being an alcoholic from time to time, and it used to really worry me, until one day I was jonesing for a drink and realized the only thing we had left in the house was Monarch vodka. In case you don't know, Monarch vodka is the equivalent of rubbing alcohol. And instead of opening it up and pouring myself one, I gave it the Mr. Yuck face and chucked it in the garbage. I may have my vices, but no way was I drinking that bunk. So see? A true drunk wouldn't discriminate and would chug away on whatever was available. But not me. I suffered through a dry night. So totally not an alcoholic.

- Speaking of alcohol, last night I instagrammed this photo...


and immediately I got the following text messages...

:: this one from my sister (she's in blue) ::


:: then this one from my cousin Lindsey (she's in blue) ::


and then when I sent those screenshots to my bestie Bre, saying how offended I was that my family thinks I'm completely off my rocker, she responded with the following...

:: Bre is in blue ::


What the hell?! I admit I like to party now and then, but come on. That much vodka would put even Charlie Sheen in the loony bin! I guess now I know what my family really thinks about me.

Guess who won't be getting any Jello shots next time they come and visit...

10.21.2014

The Dark Side of Blogging (Hint: It's The Fun Side)


Everyone starts a blog (or so I assume) because they want people to read what they are writing. They want people to notice them, to take interest in them, to bookmark their URL and come back often. 

And sure, we all want words of affirmation. They're nice. They're pretty. But I mean, seriously, one can only hear how unbelievably gorgeous they are a certain number of times a day until it starts to become really annoying. I get it, ok? I do have a mirror in my house. Criminy

Yet many bloggers out there get discouraged and frustrated by the dark side of blogging, aka the anonymous "cowards and chicken people" (thanks Ellen) that give their one cent opinion without backup. Without authority. And quite honestly, without balls.

The ones that comment on your blog anonymously. The ones that create fake social media accounts just to chastise you. The ones that make up super ridiculous pseudo usernames and then post harebrained commentary on goofy sites that have no basis whatsoever. (Just fyi: I wasn't taken out of public school because I had a few pregnancy scares. Actually, I never even fornicated until my senior year at private Christian school. So there.)

And the funniest part is so many bloggers try and claim they don't pay attention to the negativity, that they don't read.

No, no. Lies, all lies. You do. You definitely do. You do because you can't not. You do because that urge is the exact same urge that prompted you to start an online diary in the first place. You are interested in and want to know what people think about you. 

You read, I read, We all read.

Now, I have always maintained that I really, no really don't give a shit what outsiders think about me, and by outsiders, I mean people who are completely asinine. People who have no positive bearings on my life. I always "consider my source" when processing if the information is valid enough to be a blip on my radar.

Look. We all gotta get in where we fit in. There is a place on the internets for everyone. A place for pedophiles to congregate (burn in hell), a place for adult humans who are obsessed with action figures, a place for decent bloggers to write and earn some bucks and a place where the undesirables go and spew all their anonymous idiocrasy.

Listen. I love a good debate. I love and respect opposing opinions. I welcome contending rebuttals, no matter how adverse. It's part of what makes this whole writing thing fun and interesting!

It's the anonymity part that I don't respect. I mean, here I am, writing my feelings and opinions that are open and subject to criticism, with my dippy mug and email address right there on clear display, yet so many who want to interject a thought or feedback are doing so under a false pretense.

It's just silly. I don't bite. I don't censor my writing nor do I censor my feedback section, because I welcome both sides equally. I may be mean and scary during a game of Pictionary, but I assure you I am just a simple, sweet, understanding (most likely buzzed) girl behind a computer.

If someone writes in the comment section, "you are such a nasty whore who needs to stick your body in a garbage disposal so it matches your face," and they have a name and e-mail address attached, I can totally respect that! Because then I can actually correspond and reply with something along the lines of, "you're actually only half right. I was a whore, but now I'm totally not. I sometimes wish I was still a whore, but you know, marriage and all that stuff. As for the garbage disposal business...wouldn't that hurt?!" And then from there we could have a grown-up back and forth conversation.

It's when the unidentified anons crackalack that really chaps my big, yet firm bouncy buns. However I must say, you all give me crazy laughs. Almost better than my snicker Pinterest board and there is some funny shiz over there.

Own your shit! I own mine. Bring yourself up to my playing field. Don't be the pitiful one on the sidelines throwing stones and hiding your face behind a Scream mask. 

I promise, give you my word...I won't get offended and cry or lash out and track you down at your residence and nunchuck your ass. 

Unless you really, really want me to. 

In that case I have to warn you...

if that scenario occurs, you may just come to love me. 

Smooches.

10.14.2014

Read

^^ all above books are sequels I need to read (besides Clan of the Cave Bear)

It's time again for another book post. I swear, sometimes I feel as if I'm the Mario Andretti of book reading, and other times I find myself reading chapters two or three times just to refresh my memory because it's been so long since I picked up the book and my brain forgot what I had previously read.

Nevertheless, reading is still one of my all time favorite things in ever. So below are a few books I have finished and my relaying thoughts on each.

So I actually first read this book when it came out in 2011 and I read it again just last month. I liked it even better the second time, as it is a nice relief from all the popular dystopian and fantasy books out right now.

Room is about a woman who is trapped in an eleven-by-eleven-foot space. She was abducted by a man 7 years ago and has been held captive ever since. She subsequently gave birth to a son in the room (by product of him continuously raping her) and that room is all her son has ever known his entire life.

I don't want to spoil the ending so I won't give anything else away, but even with the darkness and the disturbing factor of Room, it was a page-turner and one I couldn't put down. Very interesting psychological conduct and reading in this one.

Obviously I've read Gone Girl and loved it. 

Dark Places is one of two books Gillian Flynn wrote prior to Gone Girl, and it kept me just as on edge. Gillian Flynn has a darkness to her writing, sometimes a little raunchiness, and I love it.

This book is a crime thriller that will have you reading whenever you get a spare minute. The characters are so real, the setting and the life situations are so easy to imagine happening in real life which just makes it that much more freaky.

Dark Places is a dark book but one you will devour in a matter of hours.

Then there is Gillian Flynn's other pre-Gone Girl novel, Sharp Objects.

Just as great, just as suspenseful, absolutely a page-turner with a totally unexpected ending. I honestly can't say which book of hers I liked the most...all three are all so engrossing and entertaining and edge-of-your-seat fantastic that all I can say is read them all!

I wrote about The Maze Runner series in my last read post. I loved the series. Absolutely loved the series from start to finish. And I thought I had finished it when I read the third book however I realized the author had penned a sequel after the series had ended.

And I don't know about you, but my brain doesn't work that way. I can't get all invested and lovey-dovey with the characters in an entire series and then be expected to read a book that happened PRE? No. I didn't like it and that is exactly why I didn't read Kill Order for a few months. 

Then I was at Target doing the usual, throwing a bunch of useless crap into my shopping cart and this book happened to make the cut.

Which I am completely glad it did, because I really really enjoyed reading this. It gave me a lot of good background to the series I loved, and I even really started to feel for the characters in this prequel. Trust a bish, if you loved The Maze Runner, read this!

Then we have The Eye of Minds, by the same author who wrote The Maze Runner series. 

I admit I picked it up because I was just so in love with TMR, not having any idea what it was even about. And then I realized what it was all about, which is a total gaming book.

Gaming as in futuristic video games. Something I would never ever think I would be into (however I also never thought I would be into alien books and The 5th Wave was such an amazingly awesome book) and imagine my surprise when I realized I loved it. So much so that I pre-ordered the sequel from Amazon two months prior to it being released. 

James Dashner's style of writing is infectious. He could make any topic interesting, as I learned with The Eye of Minds. I mean, I loathe video games. And I loved this book.

Which brings us to the series I am currently reading, The Mortal Instruments series.

I finished the first book, City of Bones, and at the risk of sounding like a broken record, I held off on reading this series because I never thought I would be into reading about demons and vampires and werewolves. Like, ever.

Yet here I am. Halfway through the second book in the series and I am so totally into it and invested and caught up in this incredible world of Shadowhunters and fantasy that I get shivers thinking about the unread books on my shelf waiting to be devoured. 

I LOVE THIS SERIES! It's just amazing how reading books transports you into another world. I love it. I love it and I never want to stop.

++++++++++++++++++++++

Side note: 
books being made into movies.

Gone Girl. LOVED the book. Saw the movie last weekend and just...I don't even quite know. Usually, I love watching the movie after I read the book, but this time? Not so much. I kind of didn't enjoy the movie at all. Which is still weird to me, because I can't quite put my finger on why. 

I do know I definitely do not want to watch it again.

The Maze Runner. Has anyone seen the movie? I haven't. Just because I haven't made it to the theater to watch it and I'm kind of waiting to buy it on pay-per-view so I can watch it in the comfort of my own home, where I can pause the movie when I have to pee. Anyway, totally excited to see this movie!

+++++++++++++++++++++++

I have so many books on my Goodreads list to read that I feel like I'm racing to the finish and I need to get them all read before I die. 

So many books, so little time.

Ugh.

10.13.2014

So Offended. No, But Really.



Alright, I had to.

After reading one of my favorite ever blogs, I saw a link to this site titled Humans Against Harassment. Look, I'm totally against harassment. I hate bullying, people who antagonize and shitty peeps in general.

However, you know what I hate even more? 

People who completely blow things out of proportion. People who make the biggest damn deal out of something that doesn't deserve it. People who have absolutely nothing better to do in their lives than create unnecessary drama to try and make themselves feel important. 

For example: women who hold up signs saying they were "scared" after being "harassed" on the streets. 

"Street harassment" they are calling it. Like, it has an official name. I'm sure the creator of said site hopes the phrase will make it into the dictionary just as fast as "selfie" and "bromance" did. 

And what exactly is "street harassment?" Basically, it's compliments from the opposite sex. 

And look. Before we get all crazy here, I'm not advocating real harassment. Someone who follows a woman home? Yes, harassment and a stalker, totally punishable by law. Someone who is relentless and doesn't quit when a woman says "shut the f*ck up?" Yes, harassment and deserves a kick to the genitals.

But when some random dude on the street gives a whistle or shouts out a "hey hottie!" So not harassment. Last time I checked, that was an acclamation. But I know that's boring and makes for a lame blog, so let's title it something catchy and round up all the extremist fems and boom. Success!

Because what. A simple "thanks" wouldn't suffice? Are you so incredibly offended that a stranger on the street found you somewhat attractive? And even if you were peeved a little, so what? It was a blip in your entire 24 hour day. Move on. Don't make a huge deal out of it. But nooooooo. That wouldn't cause an outcry. That would't give you the attention you so desperately need. 

Instead, you take a marker to a piece of paper and write a sob story about being called "sexy" and submit it to some pathetic website that panders to people just like you who obviously have issues.

Because let me ask you this. What if the male paying you a compliment is extremely incredibly OMG gorgeous? I mean, I highly doubt if any of you crazy f-nazis heard the words "dayum girl, that body be rockin'!" come from Ryan Gosling's mouth, you wouldn't be crying "violation! How dare you! My rights! I'm woman hear me roar!"

No. You would be so flattered and most likely tell every person within a fifty mile radius that Ryan Gosling found you hot.

Is it only "harassment" if you aren't attracted to the guy or the cat-caller is butt ugly? 'Cause that seems pretty sexist to me. 

And look again. I get it. You're just trying to walk to the nearest Starbucks and you get inundated with random unwelcome comments. It can be annoying. 

So can getting a curly fry in your straight-cut fries at Carls Jr. So can toilet paper stuck to the bottom of your shoe. I mean for sakes...stale cheetos is probably the most annoying thing on the entire planet. But should I create an entire website because of it? Should I give traction to and make it such a huge deal because someone went all mean girl on me back in tenth grade?

No. Because that would be pretty silly.

And like for serious. There are so many more important issues to give our time and dedication to than getting our wittle feelings hurt 'cause someone with a pickle thought we weren't so horrendous in appearance to completely ignore us and GOD FORBID give you a little bit of affirmation. 

What's next?

Someone will start a cause to call middle schoolers "purple penguins" instead of "boys and girls?"

Oh wait.
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