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11.27.2012

Ok so here's the deal. I'm only four, obviously not old enough to get in a car and drive away forever from this madness that is my life, (but apparently old enough to know what a hangover is, side eye mom) however, I do have a few years of wisdom under my belt. I know my mom has come here a few times with her "I confess sesh" malarky, but now it's my turn. And I have a few confessions I would like to get off my back. 

Forgive me father for I have sinned*. 

I confess: I'm having major mommy issues. These days, I can't even recognize her. I go to bed with a blonde haired mommy and wake up to a black haired one. That shit is scary for a tyke my age! Bangs, no bangs, Snooki tan one day and Casper the next? Wtf mom? Can we say identity crisis? For the love...

I confess: Mommy tries to trick me into eating healthy by mixing spinach into my pusghetti. Who does she think I am anyway? I'm a little smarter then that, lady. How about I "trick" you into putting lemonade in your drink instead of vodka? See how well that works?

I confess: Listen up fellow four year olds, this one's for you: never, ever, under any circumstances, admit fault. If you have a dog? Blame the dog. A younger brother? Better yet. Even if she saw you? Blame it on the invisible friend you have been forced to create as a result of mommy's extreme insanity. Trust me, if your mommy is anything like mine? She'll give you a kiss and smile at your imaginary friend on the way out. 

I confess: Skittles are not m&m's. I repeat, skittles are not m&m's!

I confess: I'm really a bleeding heart liberal. I mean, free toys? Sign a half-pint up! But please, please don't tell my mommy. I'm scared that she will erase all my tivoed South Park episodes to make more room for Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. You know how them republicans can be greedy selfish &#$^@%*#.

I confess: I honestly think that Dr. Phil is my real dad.

*and by sinned, I mean I ate one too many double 
stuff oreos and throwed up in my bed. Twice.

One more quick I confess: Mommy had to clean it all up. Twice! lol!

29 comments:

  1. OMG hilarious!!

    Love the nails, handsome guy.

    I'm a bit heartbroken that you're a bleeding liberal. Good thing you are so darn cute!

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  2. Hahaha this is great and he is such a little cutie pie!

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  3. HA ha ha ha - I think you're boys are even more hysterical than you!! Now that's pretty funny!

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  4. Kiddie confess sesh=guaranteed laugh! Thanks ;)

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  5. hilarious! love these posts, they make me smile early in the day :)
    the sweet life of a southern wife

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  6. just logged into blogger. scrolled through blogs reading titles. and then say yours and said in my head "yessss" i LOVE posts from your angel babies. and ok i realize im doing this backwards because im commenting before i am reading it. but its my world i do what i want! xooxo

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  7. These are my favorite!!! Hysterical.

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  8. Hahaha hilarious!! Gunner writes an amazing post again!

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  9. So funny, posts "by" your kids are my favorite!

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  10. Mmmmm Oreos. Now I need an Oreo.

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  11. Oh G-Man. I can't wait to feed you double-stuffed oreos and watch South Park with you in January!

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  12. you rock gunz! hawaii in less than two weeks!

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  13. how awesome would it be if he grew up and wrote a book? then he could use all of the money he earned to pay other people's way, right? ;)

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  14. Adorable!! Hopefully they weren't the Christmas kind... that'd be quite the sight!

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  15. hahah this is awesome. love it. and the nails

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  16. So funny, what a charmer!!! :) Love that picture! Sorry about the oreo puke that can't have been fun ;)

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  17. such a rockstar you are gunner. mummy can be your cleaner once in a while, lol!!!

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  18. Can my babies PLEASE be like your babies?
    well not anytime soon. I'm 18.

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  19. He is adorable and I love the painted nails! My three year old boy had blue painted toes all summer.

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  20. I call dibs on Dr. Drew!!!! :)

    Really cute. Please tell Gunner I can't keep Oreos in the house either because I would eat them until I threw up... twice.

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  21. Bahaha "mommy issues". That's malarkey ;)

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  22. Dammit, I hate when I eat too many double stuffed oreos. They're just so addicting though, I get it!

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  23. I can relate to the hair confession. My mom had hair down past her waist when I was little. She left me and my sister at my grandmother's house (I was around 4) & came back with a perm that didn't reach her shoulders. I remember crying and I evidently asked her to put it back. And to top it off, I only talked to her feet for four days.

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  24. Gunner I adore you and your liberal self. You are almost funnier than your mama. ;)

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