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12.03.2012

I graduated from a private Christian school. There were thirteen kids in my graduating class. I wasn't always so sheltered, as I attended public school up until my parents forced me to transfer halfway through tenth grade. But that is neither here nor there, and I wouldn't want to say anything that would taint y'alls image of me. (snort!) 

Life at private school was...interesting. I got in trouble for many things, a few of them being, in no particular order: wearing more then one earring in each ear, using the office phone to make my tanning appointments, wearing a skirt that was .87643 inches too short per dress code, hot tubbing with the opposite sex (no, we didn't have a hot tub on premises, they found out by a note I passed under the table), highlighting my hair, making out in the art closet and one very, very unfortunate incident with a *Redbook magazine. 

See, what happened was at lunch time, a few girls piled into my candy apple red Ford Probe and someone picked up a Redbook magazine that was laying on the dash. That someone then proceeded to read out loud an article on "what sexual favor men love most and how to do it right." Turns out a certain prude in attendance was highly offended by said article, and when we returned back to school from lunch, she went and told on us.

The girl who read the article out loud was called to the principals office, and because the magazine belonged to me, I was also in trouble. I will never forget, sitting there in front of the principal, trying in vain not to bust out laughing as my accomplice burst into tears. And then, oh and then we were forced to apologize to the entire school for permitting something so sinful to take place. Into a microphone, at Wednesday's chapel service. Try not laughing at that one.

Oh yes, and then there was that one time, when me and the supposed "bad boy" of our school made out for hours on end downstairs at my grandparents house. I left the room and assumed he was following me, until I looked back and saw through the open crack of the door, there he was, kneeling at the edge of the bed, on his knees, hands clasped, in which I can only conclude he was asking God for forgiveness. To this day, the question that haunts me is, was I that bad? Or was I that good?

I could not make this shit up if I tried. 

Now I know what you are thinking. That my experience at private school and the tight restrictions is what made me the rebellious crazy person I was for the first part of my early twenties. But remember, I got sent there in the first place because I was a rebellious crazy person. So, mom and dad, looks like your private school money was well spent. How you like them apples?

Besides. Some of the worst (read best) people I know came from that school.



*The Redbook in question was my moms.
**Hell yes I memorized that article.


57 comments:

  1. OMG you crack me up! I went to 12 years of catholic school, and I might have been a little better than you, and I might have married that boy that I made out with.. but oh well we all cant be as amazing as you! and As for the magazine... I thing we could all use a good article like that!

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  2. my cousin had a similar experience and had to apologize to her school for wearing a shirt that was too low cut...my grandmother took her out of school the next day and she started public school after that. I couldn't imagine being in private school. my absolute favorite part of this entire post though is the boy praying after you left the room. perfection. haha

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  3. bahahahahahahahahahahah man i love you raven - freakin hilarious! I went to a public school so everything mentioned above was the norm, but you make it sound so naughty lol
    :)
    xx

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  4. Christian school made me a little more rebellious too! Especially after I graduated!

    When we got out skirts hemmed, they had to be sewn longer then arms length, so I raised my shoulders up when they were measuring-I had the shortest skirt in Christian school! Winning! Wink wink


    ¸.•*¨) Brooke¸.•*¨)

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  5. hahahaha. Adore this post, love. If you get a sec, I'd love to hear your thoughts on my latest. xo

    www.fashboulevard.blogspot.com

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  6. HAHA This is amazing! I never went to private school, but I had plenty of friends who did and they all did the same things. Good for you, I say!

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  7. LMAO. Too much! I can't take it! lol

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    1. Oh, how sad this is all so true and not in the slightest an exaggeration. But just think what you would have been like had you NOT been in private school!! Making out with a boy may have been the prudest thing you had done otherwise, so yes, mom and dad, money well spent. ;) I am sure the other parents would disagree though... Good thing Boobs and I are such angels and spared them the expense.

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    2. No clue how this posted as a reply...

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  8. that is hilarious. I went to an all girls private school but my class was 200. But I definitely had some of those things that happened too! I actually loved it. I can't even put my finger on why but I just did.

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  9. Hahaha.....I, too, went to a Private, Catholic school with NO BOYS!!!! Let me just say that most of the girls ended up being complete sluts and/or drug addicts for a few short years, but that doesn't mean we didn't have fun!!! I got in trouble for bringing Cosmo to school (shame, shame), and had to have a meeting with the principal and my mother because the Assistant Basketball Coach asked me for my BEEPER number (so cool). Oh, and I got in trouble for having a beeper in my skirt pocket.

    Oh, the stories...I can't wait to send my daughter there someday. ;)

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  10. Dying...dying...dying! These stories...they don't get much better than that! Hahaha

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  11. You crack me up...love ya girl!

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  12. I went to a private Christian school, but it wasn't quite that strict. Although, the only detention I ever got was for my dress being an inch two short, even though I had leggings on...Ridiculous. But your stories are hilarious!

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  13. Wow... to the whole post. This is hilarious!

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  14. Haha! This post cracked me up! I graduated from a small private school too! I will never forget when I wore a shirt on a field trip that they felt was too low cut and the teacher made me wear one of her husband's old t-shirts! It was a size 4X!!! I was SOO pissed and refused to get out of the bus!

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  15. I have never laughed so hard. This is great!

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  16. AHAHAHA I love this post because I can so relate to it! I went to public school my whole life and then was sent to private school for HS (mine had 125 kids in my graduating class though so it wasn't that small). I was sent to the principals office numerous times, once because my AIM screename was "Bacardi Bri" and some girls mom told on me for mentioning alcohol. Another time the girls on the cheerleading squad said I was "spreading rumors" about them so of course, back to the principals office I go. THE BEST of all though was when I was sent to the principals office because of rumors that I was "doing inappropriate things" with my boyfriend in his truck during halftime at the football game (that he had been playing in!). REALLY?!?! I love laughing at the stories now, and I'm so glad you shared yours!

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  17. Omg! I went to a catholic all girls school and I feel you on this. I went to Catholic school for 13 years. My husband went to public. Needless to say, we will be sending our kids to PUBLIC. I got in trouble for the things you are mentioning in exactly the same way. It was ridiculous. And now I have constant Catholic guilt throughout my whole life. Actually, I commented before on your anxiety post ( i too have anxiety). I think this is in direct correlation to Catholic guilt. Have you ever thought about that? I don't think its 100% of why I have anxiety,but it certainly makes things a lot harder. Ugh!

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  18. You are absolutely hilarious :D I always wondered what it would have been like if I went to a private school haha!

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  19. Oh, Catholic school. All about forgiveness, the love of Jesus...and, let's be real. It was mostly about legalism and public humiliation... ;) I went to a really small one, too. With 28 kids in the whole grade it made boyfriend picking really slim as a 5th grader. I don't remember being scandalous (you're so brave), but I remember getting detention because my friends and I switched identities on the substitute one day. And I cried once when I had to confess to my teacher that my cat chewed up one of her books she let me borrow. I WAS SO COOL.

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  20. I went to a private Christian college...lets just say once you're there it's interesting to see how people act haha. They're are the definite "good" kids and then the totally rebellious ones. I think I was somewhere in the middle but it's funny how people would portray themselves at school and then outside of school. Think holding their hands in the air praising Jesus at chapel and then I'd see them a few nights later drunk at a bar making out with some random chick...lol.

    Anyway, loved this post and you are hilarious!

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  21. I went to a charter high school that basically had no rules, and people didn't really weren't all too rebelious because of it...my best friend however went to a strict catholic high school, and everyone was super rebelious because of it--she even shockingly had like 5-6 girls get pregnant in her graduating class!

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  22. This is hilarious! I went a private Christian college my freshman year after attending public school and had some similar ridiculous experiences haha
    I transferred the heck out of there after a year.
    xo, Blake
    collegiatemisadventures.blogspot.com

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  23. HYSTERICAL. I went to a private Christian school from 3rd grade to 6th grade. I was nearly sent home for wearing lavender nail polish and not having my shirt tucked into my mom jeans.

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  24. Thank you for briefly taking my mind off the fact I was just let go from my job today. This was hilarious. And you should share that article as a follow up story tomorrow.

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  25. This is hysterical! Your Redbook incident brought back memories of when I brought my dad's Playboy to school in 6th grade (since some of the older boys at school didn't believe that I knew what Playboy was). Boy did I get in huge trouble for that one!

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  26. Wow, this is eerily similar to my experience with a small private Christian school! I graduated in a class of 13 as well. My "worst" incident to them was that during track practice, they would drop us off in the country and we would have to run back to the school (3+ miles). Me and 3 friends took off our shirts and ran in our sports bras and shorts (knee length shorts mind you, even for practice). Someone told a teacher that we were STREAKING! Got suspended 3 days for that. What a joke!

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  27. You sound like my long lost twin! I also went to a small Christian school (forced by my parents because I just wanted to be normal and go to school with everyone else in town) and graduated from a class of 10! I was on the sports teams because there were no try outs, and even though I sucked, I was on the team.

    I also had a stage of rebellion in college and my early 20's which I attribute to being so sheltered and finally being "set free". I have a few great friends still from that small school and I'm glad for some of the values instilled in me while attending the school, but I still wish I could have just attended a normal high school in town and experienced "real high school" but I really think that that sheltering your kids by sending them to private school will give them more of a curiosity of what's out there and more of a desire to be a part of it.

    My 2 cents..

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  28. My brother got kicked out of a Christian school because he told everyone be wanted to be a truck driver when he grew up. HA! Apparently, that made him a bad influence on everyone else.

    He ended up not being a truck driver, though. But he is a plumber. So, ya know....

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  29. The guy was praying?! I just can not get over that! hahaha

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  30. Haha funny! My husband also went to a private Christian school here in WA. When I hear some of his stories I'm appalled. LOL it just cracks me up the things they got in trouble for...

    It sounded like the staff was more concerned with discipling (over the stupidest stuff) than teaching. I feel like I graduated with a better background academically than him. He loved his experience there though for the most part! LOL

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  31. oh my goodness- we had weds chapel service, too! but i was always too afraid to get in trouble at my private school since the principle handed out swats aka spankings.... what the hell?! BUT, luckily, i was forced into the traumatic world of public schooling in seventh grade..so it went something like this: innocent ashley thinks making out is akin to having sex- entering into a world where its the NORM for girls to give blow jobs...

    ya... fun times...

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  32. Oh my gosh, this is hilarious. And holy shit, 13 graduating students in your class?! Mine had 666 (and our mascot was the DIABLOS aka devils...coincidence??).

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  33. this is seriously hilarious!

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  34. Love the black hair! However, you may want to go back to blond or at least streaks if/when you ever get those pesky gray hairs popping in! Nothing shows your grays better than black hair! (You probably have a while to go before that is a concern..)

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  35. Oh man!!! I am a product of the public school system I can not IMAGINE private school like that, I think they'd have thrown me out hahaha!

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  36. Oh girl. I can so relate. I had to publicly apologize to the honor society kids because I told on someone bc they were talking shit about another girl and how she dressed. So instead of THEM having to apologize for THAT, I had to apologize. For making them look bad. Oh how I wish we could sit down, have a drink and share stories! LOL

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  37. ALSO. Once I got in trouble for rolling up my long ass cheerleading skirt and going to Hardees before a game. The horror...

    I may have to blog about this also!

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  38. So the question is...... Will you send your children to a private school???

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  39. I went to a private Christian school until I was in high school. I remember getting in trouble for stupid stuff all the time. I was so happy when I finally got to go to public school for high school. (And then I never got into trouble again.)

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  40. So true, I went to a private Catholic all girls school and this could not be more accurate! I love your blog and I am now following you!

    xx
    Kelly
    Sparkles and Shoes

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  41. Haha, this made me laugh so hard! Thanks for sharing your experience.
    (polishandsugar@gmail.com)

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  42. Sounds like such a strict school, but I would have loved to go to a private school over my crappy public school. :) Such a great post! Thanks for sharing.
    http://shannonhearts.blogspot.com/

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  43. Hahaha so funny!!! Love this post! I'm sure I would have gotten in just as much trouble!

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  44. Funny story, my parents sent me to a Christian school for Pre-K and then pulled me to go to Public school because they realized the Christian school was nutz. Thanks mom and dad!

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  45. HILARIOUS!!!! I went to a small Catholic HS as well (not as small as 13 though). I always got told my skirt was too short (and even started a little trend muahahahahaha) and was once thrown out of church bc I got caught kicking my friends feet under the pew in front of me. Very proud moments of my HS years:)

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  46. haha! This sounds exactly like the Christian school I went to. Except I went there from preschool - 12th grade. I graduated with 16 people and I also got in trouble for having too many piercings in my ears and short skirts. :)

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  47. Definitely didn't have any problems like this at my Christian college. They didn't care what we wore, didn't make us go to chapel--the only rules people got in trouble for breaking were no alcohol on campus, no bottle bombs, and no stealing statues and stuff like that. But there were also both students and professors who had a real heart for serving God and helping those who need help. I'm glad I went!

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  48. My class had 8 in my Christian school. Also I got suspended from school because I took a picture of a friend smoking a ciggarette. My punishment was not going to the 4 day spiritual retreat at a camp. Bummer. .... :) and half my class dropped out in high school because they got knocked up. Lmao. Amazeballs.

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  49. I love this...because it sounds exactly like my private christian school experience. I unfortunately did actually get expelled for a semester for [gasp] having sex with my boyfriend over the summer - boys talk - who knew! I had to endure over 2 hours of grilling by 2 male principals and two female principals until I caved on the info once the men left the room. And I too had to stand in front of a group of my peers (my entire youth group) and apologize for what I had done (all the while they knew they were doing the same thing and I had just gotten caught). Sure, I shouldn't have been having sex at 16 but the way things were handled in 1995 by that school were horrible!!

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