Listen. I love reality tv. I watch them all. Survivor, The Amazing Race, Big Brother (thank GOD surfer dude is adios), MTV's The Challenge (hello CT), The Kardashions, and every single city of The Real Housewives. I love it. And I think one of the biggest reasons I love reality tv so is because when I watch it, I feel so much better about myself. You know what I mean?
Which got me thinking. As much as I would love the notoriety and the fame of being on a reality tv series (oh I so would), below are a few reasons I am thankful I haven't become famous after releasing my homemade sex tape. Yet.
• If I had my own reality tv show, everyone would discover my deep, dark secret...I cry during Dr. Phil. But since I don't, let's pretend you never heard that.
• If I had my own reality tv show, ya'll would be subjected to my naked cooking. And naked cleaning. And naked 4-wheeling. What? We make our own rules out here in the country.
• If I had my own reality tv show, you might all hate me when you realize I sleep in 'til 9 am. Sorry not sorry but I'm not the ninny who didn't tinfoil my children's windows.
• If I had my own reality tv show, Honey Boo Boo would be S.O.L. Because there is only room for one biscuit in this business.
• If I had my own reality tv show, I'm pretty sure my parents would never speak to me again. There are some things that seriously need to be kept hidden.
• If I had my own reality tv show, I probably wouldn't sing Britney's "I'm not a girl, not yet a woman" out loud anymore. Actually, I would. I totally would. Talk about ratings gold.
• If I had my own reality tv show, I'd probably never eat. Because nothing and I mean nothing is more disgusting then seeing - and hearing! - people eat. On the plus side I'd be a real
hungry skinny bitch...
• If I had my own reality tv show, I'm pretty sure it would get cancelled after one week due to acts of violence, nudity, profanity and x-rated material.