Sh*t My Kid Says


gunner: I hate these pink pants.
me: they aren't pink, they are light maroon.
gunner: huh? what is maroon?
me: maroon is an offset of pink. a distant cousin of sorts.
gunner: I hate these pink pants!

me: before I met daddy I lived in a house by myself.
gunner: you lived by yourself? you didn't have any friends?
me: I had friends but I lived alone.
gunner: oh. that's really sad.

as I was styling gunner's hair before school:
gunner: I don't want a mohawk.
me: too bad. you have to make yourself look presentable before you go places.
gunner: but you never make yourself look pretty before we go places?

colt: werkjdsf lfdv lzdfkgjubfdgh dkjebzx
me: what?
colt: oisdfb wiu fkjhsdbwe vkjzsd
me: what??
gunner: he said he wants some juice and a waffle.
me: oh. ok. thanks.

gunner: can we fly my kite today?
me: no, it's too windy.
the next day...
gunner: can we fly my kite today?
me: no, it's not windy enough.
gunner: mom now I think you are just being lazy.

colt: I'm mad at you!
me: that's ok.
colt: I don't like you!
me: that's ok too.
colt: I don't want you to be my mom!
me: haaaaaa!!! sucka you go boy! you go find someone else who wants to be your mom and tend to your snot nose and wipe your butt. good luck!

me: so gunner, what did you learn in school today?
gunner: I'm not telling you.
me: ok. so what was your snack today?
gunner: I'm not telling you.
me: ok. so we have to stop by Target and I don't want to hear a word out of you.
gunner: we learned about the republic of Mississippi and how many stars there are in the sky and I chose chocolate pudding as my snack now do I get to pick out at a toy?

Just a day in the life.

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  1. so adorable and funny, love the one about finding a new mom- sarcasm, so funny!:)

  2. Oh your boys kill me with your cuteness!!! hilarious. :) xx

  3. *their cuteness! Not that you're not cute too :/ *awkward* haha

  4. Oh my goodness, kids say the funniest things!

  5. haha! That is hilarious! I still die over the video with the pen! whaaa whaa da f___ was that? haha

  6. you have such a cute family!

  7. They are just too cute!!Love the last one, he wised up fast!

  8. hahaha kids they sure are funny!! i about died when gunner said that you never make yourself pretty to go places. lol

  9. I love that he thinks it's "really sad" that you lived alone, WITHOUT Dad. Imagine the horror!!?

  10. Haha these are great! Working with kids I hear the craziest things!

  11. Your kids are absolutely hilarious! They sound so sweet and so ornery!

  12. gunner does say the funniest things.... "granny call me when you get to work so I know you made it safely" that one still kills me!

  13. Those boys sound hilarious! My son told me "Mom, I love you. Wanna know why? Because you're not a b*tch." Well thanks man.

  14. hahah! The kite one had me laughing out loud!

  15. This is just all kinds of funny!

  16. hahaha priceless! I love all the random stuff kids say, too cute! I love that Gunner translated Colts request for you, too funny! Thank goodness for older brothers!

  17. I just love this.

  18. I LOVE this! So great. I nanny for a 4 year old (almost 5) and she says some of the most awesome things. And sometimes not so much, but I appreciate the honesty:)

  19. Ah, your boys are so sweet!

    I can't wait for these types of convos with my son =)

  20. I just want to borrow them for one day! You can come with them, we'll go on an outting and do something fun-- like the Zoo. One of those IG pics that you posted.. Coltie looked like a little bunny. Cuteness overload.

  21. Kids are hilarious, they say the funniest things.

  22. I can only imagine the laughs I would get from living at your house! You can post these posts all the time...I think they are amazing.


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