Sometimes Marriage Sucks

2.26.2013

from our wedding in 2004

I've made no secret of the fact that Rob and I do not have the perfect marriage. We try hard to regularly see our counselor, whom, by the way, has made a world of difference in our relationship. To anyone who scoffs at seeing a third party to help a marriage, well, let's just say it works, from personal experience.

There are a lot of things about Rob that really chap my ass. And as much as I want to rattle them off to you now, bullet point style, I hear the words our counselor always says echoing in my ears. See, there have been many times where we started a session raging mad, and as soon as we sat down, I would start right in on "well this is why I hate him today and he did this and this and I am just so mad right now so please just let me vent" and every time, she would cut me off and make me tell her three things I love about Rob. Three things that made me want to marry him. Three things that make him a valuable partner. Three reasons he is a fabulous father. 

And it pisses. me. off. I want to tell her all the bad things he did that week. I want to tell her how horrible he is because of x y and z. But she doesn't let me just sit there and bitch about my husband. Her job is to help us come together, help us create a better relationship, and she knows that by me spewing negativity, it helps nothing. By me criticizing his every move, it doesn't rectify any situation. So as much as I want to tell you all what angers me about Rob (like the fact that he can be totally inappropriate in public at times, or how he wakes me up in the middle of night just because he can't sleep, or that he never comments on my appearance i.e. when I leave home with black hair and come back with it blonde, he doesn't say a word, I mean, really?) I will hold my tongue and keep it to myself. (He also deletes my shows from the DVR without asking me first. Makes me livid. K I'm done now.)

But the thing is, I'm sure there are a lot of things about me that piss Rob off. I can sometimes have a princess complex and expect him to bow at my feet no matter what I do, and as Dr. Phil once said, "if there is one thing in this world you do not want to do, it is to marry a 'princess'. They will f*ck you up."

Ok, so maybe he didn't say that last part but Rob sure did.

I know sometimes on here it can seem like Rob and I have the perfect marriage. We vacation together, hang out on secluded beaches during the summer together, have fun parenting our children together, but would it surprise you if I said I have actually went and paid for divorce papers? I'm not sure if I was authentically going to follow through or if I was trying to make a point (did you know it costs over $100 to get divorce papers from the courthouse? Egads!) but whatever the reason, something made me drive down there and request the papers. I can say without any hesitation today that I am so happy to be married to my husband, we did work through that particular situation and I can't forsee any circumstances in the future that would make me want to fork over the cash for those papers ever again. And lucky for me, my husband would say the same.

Besides, it would be much cheaper for him to keep me around than to boot me out, wink face.

But we fight. There have been dishes thrown across the room and holes in the wall. I've packed up my kids and driven to my moms house at 9 at night. There have been many things we've said that we wish we could take back. Our marriage is not perfect and I challenge you to find one that is.

What I'm really trying to say is what I think we all know: Marriage is hard. But if you work through the hard, and if you put your spouse first, and if you duck under those dishes being flown at your head, you may see yourself celebrating fifty years of holy matrimony.

However, I swear to God, if Rob ever deletes another episode of the Real Housewives of Wherever without my permission, I'll be all, "what golf clubs??"

Wasn't me.