Sh*t My Kid Says

12.11.2017


::Talking to Gunner about the movie Zootopia and the theme of not letting anyone ever tell you that you can't do something::

me: so whenever someone says you can't do something, don't listen to them.

gunner: ok, so when you tell me I can't do something, I just won't listen to you.

me: no, that's different. nice try smartass. 

*******

::After the boys got a haircut::

me: you boys look sharp!

gunner: what does that mean?

me: it means you look flyyyyyyy.

gunner: I don't understand anything you are saying.

me: I mean damn boy you be lookin' foine! 

gunner: what is wrong with you.

******* 

gunner: can I take my pocket knife to school?

me: no son, that is criminal.

gunner: what does criminal mean?

me: it means slow drivers, open mouth eaters, loud theater talkers, redheads. 

gunner: what are redheads?

me: criminals.

*******

::As Rob and I were sitting together at the dinner table::

gunner: can we go open that package the UPS guy brought earlier?

me: {gives him my evil wide eye look that says he's in trouble}

gunner: what? you told me not to tell dad how many times he comes during the week and I didn't.

me: thanks for doing me a solid there.

rob: your mom told you not to tell me what?

me: rob stop it. inappropriate.

*******

::we got chicks and are hoping for fresh eggs soon::

gunner: how do we know if the eggs they poop out are eating eggs or their babies?

me: um, I think we know by how many spots they have on them? like if a ladybug has odd number spots, it's a girl and if they have even number spots, it's a boy. or like how I once heard that you can tell if a bee is a boy or girl by how many stripes they have, or kinda like how you can tell if a llama is pregnant by how many lady lumps she has? That's how you can tell.

gunner: I'm asking dad.

*******

And a few past conversations that I'm including here in the "hall of fame" of sh*t my kids say because it's been a while, and I like halls of fame. And I like to think I live there. With my crown and endless supply of Tito's.

me: I'm a homebody.

gunner: what does that mean?

me: it means I would rather be at home most of the time rather than any place else.

gunner: I'm a homebody too. I'm definitely not a schoolbody.

*******

colt: mommy, I'm a kitty.

me: awww. I love kitties.

colt: mom, kitty wants a cookie.

me: son, mommy wants a Ferrari.

*******

::When I was in a pinch to get Gunner dressed and out the door as we were way late for school::

gunner: I hate this shirt! this is a girl shirt.

me: no it's not, it's a unisex shirt.

gunner: what is a unisex shirt?

me: it means it's appropriate for both girls and boys.

gunner: but it has a princess on it.

me: that's not a princess. it's just a really pretty boy who grew his hair out long.

gunner: he has boobs.

*******

colt: werkjdsf lfdv lzdfkgjubfdgh dkjebzx

me: what?

colt: oisdfb wiu fkjhsdbwe vkjzsd

me: what??

gunner: he said he wants some juice and a waffle.

me: oh. ok. thanks.


*******

side note: how do you know if the eggs they poop out are eggs you fry up and make into a bacon sandwich or if they are fluffy feathery babies? I legit am confused. I can make the best vodka soda from scratch but honestly don't know how to answer this question for my 9 year old.

48 comments:

  1. I love these posts, but to be fair, it's "shit I say to my kids" mostly LOL

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yeah, I second the first anonymous. Why don't you just start a hall of fame for your own quotes about yourself? This isn't really about your kids..

    ReplyDelete
  3. SesliChat Türkiye Odaları

    Sesli Chat Türkiye Sitesi

    Sesli Chat Türkiye

    Türkiye Sesli Chat

    Türkiye SesliChat Sitesi

    Türkiye Sesli Chat Odası

    Sitemiz Türkiye alt yapısı ile kurulmuş en büyük sesli chat sitelerinden biridir. Sizler de sitemizi ziyaret ederek Doyumsuz bir sohbet ortamına katılabilirsiniz. İyi sohbetler dileriz. seslidekor.com

    ReplyDelete
  4. Made me laugh out loud. Also, if there is no rooster, there will be no baby chick. Ka-peesh?

    ReplyDelete
  5. web based shopping in Mumbai will give you access to multitudinous plans and accumulations at the snaps of your mouse. shirt printing singapore

    ReplyDelete
  6. المؤسسة تسعي طول الوقت وبخطوات دؤوبة لتقديم مختلَف الخدمات التي ترتبط براحة الزبائن وتجعل حياتهم سواء في منازلهم أو في أماكن عملهم حياة مبسطة هادئة وخالية من هموم التفكير في مسؤليات مثل مسؤلية النظافة والعناية بأماكن تواجدهم.
    افضل شركة مكافحة حشرات
    شركة مكافحة النمل الابيض بالرياض
    شركة مكافحة حشرات بالرياض
    شركة رش مبيدات بالرياض
    شركة رش دفان بالرياض

    ReplyDelete
  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thanks for sharing this post, keep going on

    click here
    click here
    click here
    click here
    click here

    Regards
    jack efron

    ReplyDelete
  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Great information, I was searching for this kind of information, thank you very much for sharing with us. i also have some links to share mcafee.com/activate

    www.mcafee.com/activate

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thanks for the valuable information and insights you have so provided here...sohpet odalari

    ReplyDelete

  12. Your website is really cool and this is a great inspiring articlesohpet odalari

    ReplyDelete
  13. I love your post, I notice you have a Twitter account, you can get a Twitter Promotion but you can buy instagram likes and more for photos you have.

    ReplyDelete
  14. This one is good. Keep up the good work I also visit here: and I get lot of information.escort forum

    ReplyDelete
  15. Thank you for taking the time to publish this information very useful!Global Online Speed Networking

    ReplyDelete
  16. I’d have got to talk to you here. Which isn’t some thing I do! I enjoy reading an article that should get people to think. Also, thank you for allowing me to comment! allbarefootrunninggenuine.com

    ReplyDelete
  17. Nice Informative Blog having nice sharing.I am an sweetheart of your respective web page. Safeguard up the beneficial work..ottawa carpet cleaning

    ReplyDelete
  18. Ephedrine HCL is the most incredible fat burner without a doubt. Ephedrine HCL fat burner capsules work tremendously marked! Using ephedrine, my wife and I have expert-fiscal.com

    ReplyDelete
  19. بشكل عام ، صيانة السيارات ليست السعي المفضل لغالبية مالكي المركبات. ومع ذلك ، فإن الصيانة الدورية أمر بالغ الأهمية عندما يتعلق الأمر بالحفاظ على سيارتك تعمل بسلاسة دون الحاجة إلى إصلاحات غير ضرورية تظهر إذا تركت الخدمات المجدولة تمر عليك. الصيانة الاستباقية هي أفضل طريقة لجعل حياة مالك السيارة أسهل بكثير. يجب أن يكون لديك فكرة عامة عما هو متوقع في كل فترة خدمة رئيسية وهذه المقالة هي كل شيء عن ذلك.

    نظرًا لاختلاف المواصفات من مصنع لآخر ، فمن الضروري مراجعة دليل المالك الخاص بك واستشارة فني محترف. لكن ما يلي هو المعيار المعقول في معظم الماركات والموديلات.

    قم بتغيير زيت المحرك بانتظام

    يُشار إلى الزيت بشكل مناسب تمامًا على أنه دم حياة المحرك. التشحيم المناسب يعادل صحة المحرك ؛ ومن ثم يجب استبدال زيت المحرك وفلتر الزيت بانتظام. في المتوسط ??، بالنسبة لمحرك بنزين نموذجي ، يجب تغيير زيت المحرك وكذلك الفلتر ، كل 3000 إلى 5000 ميل تقريبًا. تسمح بعض الزيوت الاصطناعية الحديثة بحماية تصل إلى 7500 ميل بين البدائل ، ولكن فقط في ظل ظروف قيادة مثالية. نظرًا لأن معظم محركات الأقراص التي يتخذها الأشخاص عبارة عن رحلات قصيرة في حركة المرور المتقطعة ، فمن الأفضل دائمًا تغيير الزيت أكثر من الحد الأقصى للفترة الموصى بها.

    فيما يلي بعض خدمات الفحص الأساسية الخاصة بك.

    خدمة 15000 ميل

    يجب أن تأتي خدمتك الرئيسية الأولى في حوالي اثني عشر شهرًا أو 15000 ميل بعد شراء سيارتك. إنه إجراء أساسي نسبيًا نظرًا لحياة حديثة لسيارتك ومكوناتها. حاول تغيير زيت المحرك وفلتر الزيت ، جنبًا إلى جنب مع فلتر هواء المقصورة وفلتر هواء المحرك.

    يضمن فلتر هواء المحرك الجديد المسافة المثلى للوقود ويحافظ على ملوثات المحرك عند الحد الأدنى ، بينما يساعد مرشح الهواء داخل المقصورة الجديد في الحفاظ على الجزء الداخلي لسيارتك بعيدًا عن الغبار والملوثات. يجب أيضًا فحص شفرات المساحات واستبدالها حسب الحاجة في هذه المرحلة ، خاصة قبل حلول فصل الشتاء. يعد فهم كل الأشياء في خدمتك التي تبلغ 15000 ميل أمرًا ضروريًا ، حيث سيتم تكرار هذه الدورة التدريبية في جميع الخدمات الرئيسية.

    خدمة 30000 ميل

    بالإضافة إلى الأشياء التي تم استبدالها في خدمة 15000 ميل ، يلزم وجود فلتر وقود جديد للحفاظ على عمل المحرك بشكل جيد. يجب أيضًا تغيير سائل تبريد المحرك في وقت واحد لضمان عدم ارتفاع درجة حرارة محرك السيارة. يجب التخلص من سوائل ناقل الحركة والتوجيه المعزز وتغييرها. تفقد هذه السوائل فعاليتها بمرور الوقت وتتوقف عن العمل بالنسبة للركاب العادي. يمكن استخدام هذه السوائل لمدة عامين تقريبًا. كرر هذه الخدمة كل 30000 ميل للحفاظ على سيارتك في حالة جيدة.

    خدمة 45000 ميل

    تتضمن هذه الخدمة عناصر صيانة مألوفة يتم تغييرها عادةً ، على سبيل المثال ، فلتر الزيت وتغيير الزيت ، ولكن التركيز الإضافي للخدمة يجب أن يكون على طريقة إشعال السيارة. تعتبر شمعات الإشعال من مكونات المحرك المهمة التي تحتاج إلى تغيير على مسافة 45000 ميل أو بعد ثلاث سنوات. قد تتسبب شمعات الإشعال البالية في حدوث خلل في الأسطوانات وتلف الأسطوانات ، مما يؤدي إلى إتلاف عمر المحرك وأدائه. يجب تركيب نظام إدارة اشتعال جديد يقوم بتشغيل شمعات الإشعال للتأكد من أن نظام الإشعال بأكمله يعمل بشكل صحيح.

    ستساعدك خدمات تنظيف السيارات الاحترافية في كالجاري على فترات منتظمة في الحفاظ على أداء سيارتك وطول عمرها بشكل صحيح.


    صيانة مرسيدس الرياض

    صيانة بي ام دبليو

    صيانة رنج روفر

    ورشة اصلاح سيارات

    ReplyDelete
  20. Great Topic! I have been reading this content for the last night.It was really helpful and informative for me and all the readers.If you are looking to buy an online Content Writing Services In Faisalabad service at an affordable and reasonable price.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Thanks for sharing this nice blog!I have been reading this blog for the last night.It was really helpful and informative for me and all the readers.If you are looking to buy an online summer eid dresses for men collection at an affordable and reasonable price.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Adopt full aluminium alloy panel structure, anodized surface process, ultra-narrow frame, rounded corner design, fashion and beautiful appearance
    4mm tempered glass with anti glare 3.Advanced IR 20 touching technology.
    The OPS host module adopts plug structure design, internal Inter standard 80pin interface, without any external power line and signal line,
    which is convenient for inspection,
    maintenance and upgrade, and achieves the aesthetic effect of the machine
    Front side interface: Public USB*3,Touch-USB*1,HDMI*1
    Front 8 buttons: POWER ,Input ,Menu, V+, V-, ECO, Home, PC-POWER(Power button for OPS PC only)
    Front side speakers, Prevents noise distortion due to embedding
    Adopt a high-performance infrared touch technology with anti-blocking and anti-stain functions,
    and the touch reception will not affect normal writing after blocking at single or multiple infrared transmitting points;

    https://www.gladwingroup.com/interactive-led-flat-panel-display-supreme-9-series.php
    aakash gupta

    ReplyDelete
  23. ANGELINA SMITH

    smithangelina2311@gmail.com


    https://www.gladwingroup.com/interactive-led-flat-panel-display-supreme-9-series.php

    interactive-led-flat-panel-display-supreme-9-series

    ((Interactive LED give you full mouse control of your PC or MAC from the large LED touch screen. Control any application that is running on your computer and use our software to annotate, collaborate cast and more. Onboard Android gives you access to 100s of Apps to install onto the LED from the Touch IT App Store. The LED comes with 10pt Multi-Touch, 3 Year On Site Warranty (USA and Canada) and a 50 000 hour lifespan....BUY IT...THANKS)))))))

    ReplyDelete
  24. I WANT TO SAY THAT THIS BLOG IS VERY NICE AND SO MUCH THINGS TO KNOW. THANK YOU FOR THIS KIND OF POST.
    안전놀이터

    ReplyDelete
  25. AnonymousJune 27, 2022

    how do you know if the eggs they poop out are eggs you fry up and make into a bacon sandwich or if they are fluffy feathery babies? I legit am confused. I can make the best vodka soda from scratch but honestly don't know how to answer this question for my 9 year old.
    factory sewing
    usa sewing factory

    ReplyDelete
  26. AnonymousJuly 05, 2023

    https://rowadel-3alam.com/

    ReplyDelete
  27. I absolutely love the way you've captured the essence of in your latest post! Your vivid descriptions and stunning photographs transported me there, even if just for a moment.
    Python Basic Course
    Python Advance Course
    IOT Course For Beginners
    AI and 3D Designing Course

    ReplyDelete
  28. Keep up the nice quality writing, it’s rare to see a great blog like this

    ReplyDelete
  29. I like this, Such smart blog work and reporting! Im impressed with this, Thanks

    ReplyDelete
  30. Thanks for this wonderful read. It is always so lovely. I will keep supporting you

    ReplyDelete
  31. You have touched some nice factors here. Any way keep up writing good

    ReplyDelete
  32. Way cool! Some very valid points!

    ReplyDelete
  33. I appreciate you penning this article plus the rest of the site is also really good.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Very nice post. I definitely appreciate this website. Stick with it!

    ReplyDelete
  35. I absolutely believe that this web site needs a lot more attention.

    ReplyDelete
  36. I’ll probably be back again to read through more, thanks for the advice!

    ReplyDelete
  37. I truly enjoy looking at on this web site, it contains fantastic articles

    ReplyDelete
  38. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I trulу apρreciate youг efforts

    ReplyDelete
  39. Love visiting your blog. I would like to thank you for sharing this post.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Amazing performance located on doing this website online. Keep doing it

    ReplyDelete
  41. Coinbase Wallet is designed for users who want to store their cryptocurrencies securely while having the flexibility to interact with decentralized applications (dApps) and non-fungible tokens (NFTs). It supports a wide range of cryptocurrencies and provides a user-friendly interface that simplifies the management of digital assets.

    ReplyDelete

Please, tell me what you think! I love reading your thoughts and opinions, and I find some of my favorite blogs through my comments!