Why I Don't Do Elf On The Shelf For My Kids


creepy little cretin

Because I don't f*#king want to.


Being a mom is hard.

I feel like that statement I just wrote was the most sanctimonious, contemptuous thing I've ever written in the whole wide world.

And yet I refuse to take it back.

Or rather, let me clarify: people who create stupid ass shit like Elf on The Shelf make being a mom hard.

And I'm not even refraining from this elf business because it's just one.more.thing. moms get guilted into doing (which it is) but because I'm taking a stand and saying enough is enough! How is this still a thing anyway? Don't "the latest and greatest" eventually die and go away just to be replaced by something else just as late and great? Why hasn't this elf succumbed to the realities of show business like Lite Brite, Bop It and the pocket rocket? Why is he still here? Legit question, and I demand an answer.

But this post so isn't about Elf on a shelf. Like I said, I don't do it because I don't bloody want to. No explanation needed, and none will be given. (To my children at least.)

kid: mooooooom, why don't we get to do elf on a shelf? All my friends do.
me: all your friends also eat their vegetables.
kid: no they don't. my friend Jimmy from class only eats ding-dongs and pizza pockets, he told me.
me: Jimmy is dumb, and so are elves on shelves.

Case closed!

Look. My kids want everrryyyytthhiinnnggg. There is literally nothing they see on TV commercials that they don't "want." Obviously, they don't get everything they want, and why should they? I do enough godforsaken stuff around this house for them and it wasn't too long ago that I was wiping their butts. Do they get love, food, affection and a stringent bedtime? Of course. Do they get playStations, elves on shelves and iphones? Of course not. I know I've become a ceaseless, dead horse beater on the subject, but shucks people, us moms deserve a smidge of sanity also!

Which makes me beg the question...why do you who do elf on the shelf, do it? I'm not judging by any means (that's a lie, I totally am. I am, I can't help it. why why why??) but what payoff do you get? You have to get some kind of clincher to keep doing it. And to name it. And to position it in certain positions so your child won't wake up broken-hearted. And to not accidentally throw it away.

I feel like such a winner mother that I didn't fall into this faddish trap. I am so much better than ya'll.

My kid wanted a fidget spinner once. I wrote an entire post about why he would never, and I mean never, get one.

He now has five fidget spinners.

I basically know nothing and have no legitimate advice.



  1. Hahaha those things are creepy AF! My entire facebook is filled with people posting about those stupid things.

  2. I did the elf on the shelf a FEW times last year. The kids didn't understand why he didn't move every night:) It has been in a cabinet since last year and they keep leaving it open for him to do things. But it isn't happening!! I'm not getting rid of the stupid thing this year !!

  3. I'm not a mom, but my opinions on the elf vary?! Like, I can see the brilliance in the "idea", but man, what a HASSLE!

    and i still don't know what a fidget spinner is. and i'm ok with that.

  4. while I like the idea of elf on a shelf, I totally know if I was a mom, it would last about 3 days, and then it would break its leg and never move again...

  5. Hallejah-freaking-luah! I posted on facebook last year that I am anti-elf on the shelf and I think that it's incredibly stupid waste of time of for those of us moms who do work full-time we shouldn't be guilted into doing it when we can barely make dinner each night and keep the house together and clean and I seriously got ATTACKED by other moms who were so 'insulted' by my suggestion that it was a waste of time and that I was 'mom-shaming' by suggesting moms who did it made the rest of us look bad. I will never understand how this is a helpful or teaching a life-skill-building thing for your children other than to try and make the 'santa is watching' more lifelike to scare your kids to being obedient. Which, I might add if that's how you get your kids to be obedient says something about your parenting and ability to discipline your children. Your children should be scared of you (not in an abusive way by any means) as a parent from the aspect that you make the rules and they have to follow them. Boom. End of story. They shouldn't be motivated by a magical individual who while I believe in the spirit of santa claus is not meant to bring fear to children that if they're not good they don't get presents, but as a force for good and giving and kindness. Rant over :) p.s. I love your blog and your opinions and I wish you would post more but I gave up blogging almost a year ago so I can't really throw stones :)

  6. I am seriously laughing out loud about the fidget spinner because #SAME!! Haha I totally love this post and agree!! Cannot do it, won't do it, nope.

  7. Another winning post, as usual! I'm not a mom but for the life of me, I can't get the point of stupid Elf on The Shelf. I'm one of those weirdos who think Christmas is about Christ, warm fuzzies, giving, and being good–not what some dumb secular object "does" around the house or tells another secular, mythical gift giver.

    This was awesome: Just because something exists, doesn't mean your kid has to have it. I was raised this way and my husband and I are ready to keep that tradition going and never succumb to societal pressures. If we ever get a "But Jimmy has X that you don't want to give me," we'll reply with, "Jimmy's parents are dumb and only got him X so he stays far from them."

    Keep blogging!! (PS- I saw on your IG you're off to Paradise, as you do every ear [>> AWESOME!], so you may not blog for a while. Please post pictures and tips! My husband and I love Hawaii and I'd love any tips you have since you visit so often!)

  8. Hahaha! I love this, but I also love Elf on the Shelf. I have actually enjoyed it and don't really go all out with his placement every night. Our son loves it and it's fun to see him every morning "searching for Jay!"


  9. تخزين اثاث من المهام التى تهتم بيها افضل شركة تخزين اثاث بالرياض فى توفير اقوى الامكانيات والمستودعات التى تساعد فى الحفاظ على الاثاث

    تقوم شركتنا ايضا بشراء جميع الاثاث المستعمل فهى افضل شركة شراء اثاث مستعمل بالرياض

    افضل شركة نقل عفش بينبع

    افضل شركة نقل عفش بالمدينة المنورة

  10. نفهم كيف يمكن أن يشكل لديك بيت مثالي ونظيف فالخدمات التي نقدمها مصممة لإنقاذ الازعاج من التنظيف لأننا نضمن أن الخدمات التي نقدمها علي مستوى عالي من النظافة والتي يبحثون عنها الزبائن فسنوات الخبرة التي امتلاكنها لدينا من اعمال النظافة لدي الزبائن أجبرتنا أن نأخذ مهمتنا على محمل الجد وإعطاء الضمان الموائم علي الشغل المقدم وهو ما يقصد أنه أثناء هذا الوقت نحن سوف نكون سعداء لتقديم خدمة تطهير مثالية
    شركة النجوم لخدمات التنظيف
    شركة تنظيف فلل بالرياض
    شركة عزل خزانات بالرياض
    شركة جلي بلاط بالرياض


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