Who, me? Crazy? I wish I could blame my meds, but no, just like a third of the population, I have a chemical imbalance that needs assistance to function properly. My story starts about eleven years ago. I've had eleven years to accurately explain how I felt, and why I decided to go on medication, and the best way I can describe it is to say that my brain felt like it consisted of clouds. Brain fog, I like to call it. I remember sitting in a chinese restaurant with my mom and just feeling completely out of it. We were having a conversation at the table, but it was like an out of body experience. I was there, but I wasn't. It was that brain in the clouds thing again, and it was starting to happen more and more frequently. 

It wasn't only the brain fog that was hindering me. There were true moments of anxiety also. For example, there were times I would be driving down the highway and would suddenly feel like I was going to pass out at the wheel, and I would have to pull over as fast as possible. There were times at night when I was trying to fall asleep and my heart would be pounding so hard and I just felt so...uneasy. So weird. So not right. 

So not right is a pretty good way to put it.

Now let me tell you, before all this started to happen? I was so against illegal legal drugs. I did not want to take any kind of "mood altering" medication. I thought it was for weak people who just couldn't deal with life. How wrong I was. After the first week or two of taking an anti-anxiety? Huge difference. The brain in the clouds thing disappeared. The feeling like I was going to pass out while driving thing disappeared. I could sleep at night without freaking out. I was little more, shall we say...normal. More right.

I continued taking my anti-anxiety meds until I became pregnant with Gunner. I quit cold turkey and honestly didn't have any side effects. I'm not sure if it had to do with the influx of hormones and other things going on in my body from being pregnant, but I didn't have that let-down from getting off the medication. After Gunner was born, I went back on the meds off and on, and by off and on, I mean I wasn't very disciplined in taking them properly. I missed a day here, a few days there, etc. From what I can recall, my anxiety was minimal during that period. Two years later I got pregnant again with Colt, went off them completely (I didn't trust taking any drugs during pregnancy) and all was well.

Not exactly sure when it started up again, but a few months after Colt was born, the anxiety kicked back into high gear, so back to the doc I went and got back on my trusty ol' pills. It's been two years since then, and I can't imagine I will ever go off them again. My doctor told me that most people who start taking them for extended periods of time usually never get back off them. Which is totally ok with me, considering I am a total basketcase without.

There have been a few times I went off them for a couple days, not on purpose per say, but I just didn't refill my prescription in time and a few days lapsed and let me tell you, by day three? The effects were OMG whoa. I felt out of it times ten. When I stood up/sat down too fast, it felt like I was coming down from a rollercoaster, the whole stomach dropping thing and all. It was horrible. There is a reason the doctors say not to stop abruptly, and it's a good one.

There was an instance about a month ago. My insurance suddenly changed policies on me at the last minute, and with doctor scheduling conflicts, I went four whole days without my meds. It. was. brutal. I'm not a crier, and by day four? I was crying over everything. My mom called me and when I saw her number on caller ID, I couldn't answer because I knew she would nonchalantly ask me how I was doing, as she does every day. The lump in my throat was so huge that I knew I would bust into tears the second I answered. My husband came home and asked what was wrong. I could barely get the words out because of the crying. I was watching TV and cried over a Pantene commercial. You know that part at the end where they say "you're worth it?" Yeah, ugly tears pursued. It was insane to me. I was so incredibly over the top emotional that if I wasn't a hard-core believer in the power of *crazy meds before, I was now. For life.

Side note: my sister made a little comment about how when I was off my meds for those four days, I was actually capable of feeling real human emotions. That maybe the pills had pushed all my emotions and feelings into oblivion and once off them, they were able to come out and I wasn't a non-caring cold-hearted b*#ch. My response? I'd rather be an emotionless wench than a wacko sympathetic freak who cries over shampoo commercials. End side note.

As for side effects? There is a whole list of things that could potentially go berserk, but for me, I don't really experience any side effects. Besides being sane. And the fact that drinking on my meds makes me get buzzed twice as fast. Which is a good thing if you ask me. 

And there you have it. My experience with the crazies. If you have any other questions, leave them here and I will answer in the comments.

What about you? Any good/bad/life-changing/shampoo-commerical-crying experiences with the magic pills? Please share! We can all be crazy together.