If only!

2.25.2014

 So here's one for ya. You know how sometimes my husband works out of town? When he's gone, I always make my sister Boobie come stay with me. She sleeps downstairs in my bed and I sleep upstairs in the guest bed (only because my kids are upstairs also and they can be noisy sometimes, so since Boobie is doing me a favor of staying with me so I don't get killed alone by a serial murderer, I figure the least I can do is give her my room and let her sleep in peace). 

Well last night my husband decided to drive home at 2 in the morning and surprise me. He went around to the back of the house and tried to open our bedroom door. It was locked. (Which it usually never is.)
And that? Happened to be very, very, VERY unfortunate. 


See, he was going to sneak into our bedroom, strip naked 
and crawl into bed with MY SISTER!!! 


Oh Lord God up in Heaven, had that actually come to fruition it would have made my life complete and I could have died happy right then and there.

Guys, it would have been perfect. My sister is a heavy sleeper, the room is pitch dark, and I know how my husband likes to slither in and spoon up. I have no idea why the stars didn't align last night and allow this to happen, but in retrospect? It's probably better this way. I mean, I'm pretty sure that my sister would have screamed bloody murder and died from a heart attack, but not before punching my husband in the face, then I would be upstairs hearing the screams going on downstairs, and I would automatically assume that my worst nightmare is coming true and the serial murderer has arrived and I too would have died of a heart attack. 

However I still think it would have been worth it. 

61 comments:

  1. Hahahaha!! Oh my LANTA! Freakin' hilarious!! That would've been...AWFUL haha!
    Someone was watching out for your husband's face, your sister's heart, and your nightmare's! :)

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  2. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I think your "what could have happened" is EXACTLY what would have happened! Could you imagine Boobs and her horror of anything anyway, and to have someone sneak in and probably put a hand in an inappropriate place, and scream and start yelling, you would have probably hidden upstairs and hoped they didn't come find you and BB satisfied the murderers hunger. Oh my gosh - as happy as I am it didn't happen, I also wish it had. Although, then you may have permanently lost your sub-in wife. HA - IF ONLY!!!!!

    - Rach

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  3. Hahahaha. Oh my gosh, Raven!! That would have been awful. Y'all all would have died of heart attacks and the kids would have been left wondering why everyone was dead on the bedroom floor and daddy was naked. Hahaha. Oh the rumors! : )

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  4. OMGSH!!!!! I am about to have a panic attack just thinking of that happening!!! are you kidding me??!!!!!! I absolutely would have had permanent trauma if I had not died of a heart attack because as rachel pointed out I am already scared of the dark!!!!

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  5. omg!!!! just read megans post above mine. HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!! =) =) =)

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  6. Freaking hilarious!!!!! I was cracking up!

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  7. Oh my goodness, HILARIOUS girl! That would have been too funny!

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  8. Lol. That would have been priceless!

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  9. This is the funniest thing I've heard today!

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  10. hahaha oh my goodness!! that would have been HILARIOUS!

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  11. hahahaha you always have the best stories! i (legit) always laugh out loud. =)

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  12. hahaha this is the funniest thing I heard all day!!!

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  13. Okay so I just found your blog like 10 minutes ago. And can I just say this shit cracks me the hell up! No really you might be my favorite blog read at the moment. And now that I completely sound like a psycho with some wired girl crush I'm gonna stop. Anyway, new follower here (duh obviously).

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  14. HAHAHA, Knowing Brit, being woken up in the middle of the night (she was still sick, right?) she would have punched him out and ran without noticing it was Rob. Then you would have come down with a gun. NICE!

    Once he came home, did you make Brit move to the livingroom or upstairs so you two could take the bed? Or did you send her all the way home.

    Hilarious.

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  15. You are my fave at the moment! you are hilarious

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  16. how funny!! "luckily" that didn't happen! :)

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  17. Oh my WORD, that is too funny! Doesn't he know that she stays with you and sleeps in YOUR bed? LOL

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  18. omgoodness... this is beyond hilarious! i would have loved the story even more had it happened!

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  19. OMG!!! That would have been SO great!!!!!

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  20. lol!!! I'd guess it's probably best for everyone involved that that didn't happen!! :)

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  21. That would have been too funny...my goodness, a story and a half to tell too! :)

    Question - why does BB lock the door? This doesn't help you with the serial killers...

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  22. HILARIOUS!!! I agree with everyone else, you are like my favorite blog reader now, I laughed out loud with this, heck I am always laughing with your blog.

    I always catch up on blogs at night, after catching up on lame old facebook when I KNOW I SHOULD BE DOING OTHER THINGS! ha but boy youre too funny, and thank GOD that didnt happen with your husbamd! oh I bet you all got a crack out of that!!

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  23. absolutely hilarious! I love reading your blog, you're such an entertaining writer! New follower here!

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  24. hahahahahahahhahahahahaha ha ha hahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahaha ha ha ha ha hahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I am CRYING. This is THE best post I have EVER read.

    thank you. hahahahah!!!!!

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  25. HAHAHAHAHA that is hilarious. I literally laughed out loud when reading it. That would have been so so funny!

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  26. I almost spit my drink on my computer! Oh, why didn't that work out?!?! And thank goodness he didn't decide to do that on Saturday night!! I'm already paranoid enough when I sleep out there!! OMG, so funny!!!

    Lulu

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  27. Figures the first blog post I read on my adventure to find new daily reads was this one! I cant believe I didn't wake the baby laughing. That would have been EPIC! LOVE IT!

    http://tosots.blogspot.com/

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  28. That is so funny! It's that sort of thing you always read about and never expect to happen to you. Thanks for sharing!

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  29. Hahahah! I love the fact that you kind of wish it would have happened.

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  30. ...and then I would have died of happiness.

    hmm.. how can we make this happen?

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  31. Om my word, all I have to say that is my worst nightmare. Sometimes husband comes home from working late and sneaks into the bed and i tell him he needs to announce himself because if I find a man in my bed when I think he is gone I will not ask questions and open up a can of whoop "A". This sounds so fortunate for your sister and yourself oh and your husband for living to see another night because if your neighbor who waits for that one light to go on heard all this I am sure he would have shot first and asked questions later.hahahah

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  32. Hahaha! This is the funniest post ever. I laughed out loud. "If only" is definitely right!

    amy day to day

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  33. That would have been AMAZING! Oh I just died laughing reading about it almost happening, that's how good it is!

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  34. haha this was absolutely FABULOUS. oh my. i think i would have died too if this had happened.... love love love this.

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  35. hahahahahahhahahahahah, this seriously made me laugh. So funny. In retrospect, probably good it didn't happen- maybe kinda awkward later? But that is hilarious, couldn't love this more.

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  36. As I was reading this I started laughing out loud! haha VERY funny story

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  37. As I was reading this I started laughing out loud! haha VERY funny story

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  38. oh. em. gee... i was giggling the whole way thru this post... my favorite part - that your life would have been complete IF this had happened... that is great!

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  39. LOL! Wow this is hilarious!! thanks for the smiles this morning :)

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  40. I may or may not have just snorted coffee out my nose.

    Thanks for the laugh!

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  41. OMG SO FUNNY! I would have died if this happened... laughing of course.

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  42. That would have been AMAZING!!

    This actually happened (not naked) with my college boyfriend/sleep walker and my roomate. I woke them up the next morning because I was laughing hysterically, crying on the floor of her room. They woke up screaming (Home Alone Style)--"we didn't do anything!!"

    Most hilarious moment of my life.

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  43. LMAO! I'm dieing laughing, I love it! hahahahaahahahhahaha i have the best visual in my head. LOLOLOLOL! Love you! this is great!

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  44. THANKS for the laugh!!! Freakin' awesome!!!!!!

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  45. Hi there, new follower, here! I wouldn't be able to remember the trail of links that led me to your blog if I tried, but I'm so glad to be here. This post had me laughing out loud, my husband actually got curious and peeked at the computer screen to see what was so funny. :) This scenario is horrifying and hilarious all at once!

    You are a girl after my own heart - seriously, parts of your "About Me"/profile tidbits were like looking in the mirror. Before moving to Maui, we went snowboarding in Tahoe every winter for years. And we spent hours on the lake in our tournament boat during the summers. And I love me a good tan, even if it means I'll look like a baseball glove in 10 years. And red wine is a close personal friend of mine. I like you so much already! ;)

    Looking forward to reading more about you!

    Aloha,
    Angie

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  46. Bahahaha! This is like an episode of Modern Family!! I don't think I've ever laughed this hard.

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  47. Oh that was fricking hilarious. Thanks for the good laugh

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  48. HAHAHAHAAHHAH!!!

    OH MY HEAVENS! Now that would have been a story for the books!! hahaha I am dying laughing thinking about it!

    Stephanie&Such

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  49. omg! hahahaha this story is so funny!!!! thanks for the sweet comment :)

    xo galmeetsglam.com

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  50. I am DYING laughing.... dying..............!!!!!!

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  51. You're devious as hell and I love it. Yes, that would have been perfect.

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  52. This was amazing!! I haven't laughed that hard in a long time! I just love that you WANTED it to happen!! hahah you crack me up

    Sabrina Says

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  53. OMG, it's 4:30AM and I am laughing out loud. I know my roommate must hate me!
    You are too funny! I found you from the linkup today *yesterday* and am so glad I did! You are hilarious!!!

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  54. Hilarious, so funny. Sorry it didnt happen. ha

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  55. This is HILARIOUS! I can't quit laughing!!!

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  56. I found your blog from Living In Yellow. I am going through your "best of" posts and after reading the jail one, upsexy and now this I am literally crying from laughing. This is my new favorite blog.

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