Who cares

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Monday, April 30, 2012

The other day, I was having dinner at my moms house. My grandpa, mom, sister and her boyfriend were all in the kitchen, sitting around the island having some appetizers. My mom was washing something at the kitchen sink, when my four year old walked up to her, hit her in the behind and said nonchalantly, "I just popped your ass."


No one said anything, it was dead silent. 

A little confused, I looked around at everyone trying to avoid my gaze, and finally said, "it's ok. You can laugh. Rob taught him that."

Cue awkward laughs from everyone in the room, when my sisters boyfriend says, "Oh, ok. At first I was like, did I just hear that right?!"

Yes. My husband has taught my son to "pop" people's asses. Which is actually pretty funny until you pick him up from school and the teacher looks at you and says, "We need to talk." (Totally happened.)

And? I'm totally fine with my kids saying the word 'ass.' Poppin' someone's ass? Humorous. Calling someone an 'asshole?' Not ok and they know it. It's the context in which they use the word that makes it ok. Parents today can be so overbearing and so uptight, so....judgy.


My kids are always naked. (And by naked, I mean underwear/diaper only.) If we aren't going out in public, they never have clothes on. Going to visit my parents? My sister? Driving through Espresso World every morning to get a coffee? Naked. I mean, if the weather is nice, I just see no point in clothes. All it is is extra laundry and extra work for me, because they will be peeling off their clothes eventually.

This is the text convo I had with a new friend when my kid was over at her house for the first time on a playmate with her son...

friend: um, Gunner just took off his shirt and he's saying that he's hot

me: that's ok

friend: omg! He just took off his pants! What do I do?

me: well, if you don't mind him being naked, it's ok with me

friend: ok, I just don't want you think that I'm undressing your 4-year old over at my house

me: he never wears clothes at home. Just tell him I said he has to keep on his underwear (wink face)

True story. I mean, take a look at Exhibit A:

My friend Brandy came over and wanted me to take a few pics of her and her kids (and no, I am not suddenly a "professional photographer." I used her snazzy camera and just pushed the button). Gunner was tagging along, and he managed to sneak his way into the pics...in his underwear...

where's Waldo Gunner. he's the 4th kid she never knew she was missing

About the mom judgy thing... I notice how other moms judge my son and his nakedness. Like I said earlier, I dress them (minimally) if we have to go in public, say, to Target or the grocery store, but if we're at the park? And Gunner is hot and sweaty and wants to take his clothes off?  (paging Nelly)  I just don't care! (Remember, when I say "naked" I mean underwear only. Don't want ya'll thinking I let my sons tallywack hang out for all to see. Now that would worth judging.) But a 4-year old running around in his Thomas the Train underwear? Who gives a sh#t?!

out in the rain with a hoodie and no pants

With my "who gives a sh#t" attitude also comes with how I respond to others. Your kid is running around in his underwear at the park? Who cares! Your kid is shirtless in Target with dirt all over his face? I have boys, I get it. Your daughter is screaming bloody murder on the airplane? I've been there. (And don't even get me started on those people who give moms with crying kids the stink-eye on airplanes. I honestly want to get out of my seat and smack them halfway to Sunday. Like I said, I've been there, and how dare anyone judge a situation where a baby is crying on a plane. DON'T get me started...)

Life is short.

You're time here is limited.

You are perishable.


WHY, oh why waste it by caring if the pantry is organized to the hilt and labeling everything with those stupid print-out machine stickers? Why care if clothes are hung up by color?! Why care if my kids eat chips and cookies in my bed? So what, there are crumbs. That's what a washing machine is for! Who cares if I look perfect in a bikini? I'm exactly the same person if I have a belly pouch as I would be if I were a hot-body supermodel.

Some things I just don't get. And caring about having a 'model' home, or perfectly dressed children, or a perfect body, or caring if the freaking spatula is put away in the wrong drawer...I just don't get!

I just don't care.


What I do care about?

If my kids are loved. 

Feel secure.

Taken care of.

Happy? Yes, I want my kids to be happy, but that is not what life is about. (Post coming on that soon.)

I guess what I'm trying to say is that when it comes to most (unimportant) things in life?

I just don't give a flying youknowwhat.

ps. yes, I realize that spellcheck changed the word "playdate" to "playmate" up above. I was going to change it, but couldn't bring myself to do so. It was just too funny when I re-read it.

69 comments on "Who cares"
  1. True, true, true. Life is so short. I would, however, prefer to spend the days that I have on this planet with a supermodels body but something (genetics, wine, lack of self control, overwhelming desire to eat every sweet thing in sight) prevents that from happening.

  2. I like your philosophy! I hope when I'm a mom I can hold strong and not care what other parents think.

    You rock :)
    Emmy June

  3. I couldn't agree more. My daughter has always gone streaking after her shower everynight & I'm ok with it, the way she used to incorrectly say frustrated as "fuckerated", even better, it was cute. People need to let kids be kids. And I love the way Gunner photo bombed your friend. Totally blends in =)

  4. I kind of love you for this post! maybe it's just the area I am in but I am the only mom I know who parents like that. I'm also of the "if there's no blood I just don't care let them wail on each other" group. I have too much stuff to do to care about the small crap.



    you are a wonderful mommy, let them run around naked all they want!

  6. those pics of gunner with brandi's family are TOO funny.

  7. Thanks for sharing this...I'm going to have a boy so I definitely need to relax and not be so uptight boys will be boys. And who cares what others thing!

  8. Love your preaching style girlfriend! Totally agree, too many judgy moms out there and this mom is going to be one of those moms on a plane tomorrow...with a crying child....Im going to need a drink...or 2? Any tips with flying with a boy who won't sit still more than 10-15 minutes?

  9. You are such a great mama and your boys sure are loved! Loved this post....don't sweat the samll things and let kids be kids. I am not judgy and I don't care if people judge me but I sometimes have to remember that everything doesn't need to be perfect and that my girl is just learning and exploring and to let her be!

  10. Very well said. I don't have kids yet, but I have to say I like your philosophy!


  11. LOVE THIS POST. I hope that when I'm a mom, I'm just like you!!!!!

  12. you're right, people are way to judgy these days and worry too much about other peopl'e lives rather than their own. I don't have kids yet but I did grow up with 3 younger brothers in the house. One of them wore his lion costume until March the following year, after Halloween. Would not take it off. Everywhere we went he had to wear the damn thing. It didn't bother my mom one bit because if he didn't get to wear it he was a royal terror. You pick your battles, nough said.

  13. More people need to take this approach to life in general. Peopel are way to worried about stupid shit that's not important. We all need to just slow down, and enjoy life, because it's way too short!

  14. I love this!! Some people are just so uptight who cares if he is running around in his underwear he's hot clothes are uncomfortable when your hot. I get it lol. On a side note those pics of your son with your friends family are hilarious!!! "I just popped your ass" that is awesome. My daughter has said something similar recently and I cried I laughed so hard!

  15. Amen sister!! Your "plane story" was one of the first I read when I found your bloggity blog and then I had my own "incident" and then of course blogged about the jackass ;)


    Jackasses!! XOXOXO

  16. I just seriously laughed out loud. Really!

    Oh and my 9 year old swears by being in just underwear... still. I don't get it. HA!!

  17. You are such a great mommy! Your boys are lucky to have you! I think sometimes people need to be reminded that life is short and everything doesn't need to be perfect. There are a lot of times I say fuck it and play legos with my son instead of cleaning. Messy house or sad kid? Messy house any day, please.

  18. love this post. you are an awesome mommy and i so wish there were more moms like you here. people give me the stink eye often when i am out with zaiden. my mom says its because i look so young, but who are they to judge? big big fan of your blog. & 100% agree that life is to short to sweat the small stuff.

  19. Agreed! BIG TIME!!! I was the one with the naked kids. Sometimes even complete naked. COMPLETE! I was a young married mom with my first. I worked part time at Macys. I remember one night, having to come home after work to change because the girls I worked with were taking me out for happy hour. I asked them if they wanted to come in real quick and as we all walked in the front door, my little naked son came walking down the hall. To me? 100% normal. 'Hey baby' I said! The gals all just laughed. I just ran into one of them at the grocery store, and that is one of the first things she brought up.'Your son was always naked'! He is 18 and graduating high school now. I always like to tell him about how many women have seen his tushy! YUP!!! So you go Raven, with your naked (underroo) boys! More comfy that way anyway. GREAT POST!

  20. I LOVE THIS!!!! People have so often judged how I raise Boomer. Even my own family. I'm a very laid back person, and heck I'm naked half the time at home, so why should she have to put on clothes. (We're decent in public tho lol) Its been hard for me sometimes because I want to please family and such...but at the end of the day IM her MOMMA. No one else. Love this post!

  21. My kids are only in underware/diaper all the time too. They want to be free! I'm all for it.

  22. I get judgey stares from moms walking in my neighborhood because my daughters run through the sprinkler in the front yard in nothing but their underwear. I smile and wave:) I could care less what anyone thinks, that is not important, like you said. However....I do love a good organized house. It makes me happy and when mommas happy, well, life is easier for everyone. :)

  23. Haha awesome. Great post. Its not just your kids who are naked- I'm pretty sure this is ALL kids- you are just admitting it. Kids will be kids- people need to not be so uptight about their kids. This is why kids go nuts after high school because their parents sheltered them their entire lives...
    The kids I used to nanny for liked to swim naked. No reason, just because. You seem like a great mom and I'm sure your kids will be well rounded because you are a great mom.

  24. Would you think it's ok for a 4 year old little girl to run around naked (only underwear) at the park or in public?

    Not that I am juding, I don't care if your kids are naked, I'm just curious if there is s double standard.

  25. I am slightly envious of your "Who cares?" attitude. I sometimes feel like I worry too much about what people think about my kids saying certain things or behaving a certain way. I hope I can learn to let go a little and just enjoy them in all of their childish innocence. Thanks for this post.

  26. Love it! Good for you... and I especially love that your kids "pop asses". That's fantastic. :-)

  27. I LOVE your outlook and perspective on parenting. I seriously look up to you, in the most non-weird way possible. I hope I'm carefree with my kids and just care about them being loved, safe and happy-- not what other moms think about me!!

  28. I'm also quite liberal on kids and curse words...in my opinion there's no sense trying to detract them from learning/saying the word. All they have to know is that it's a "bad" word in certain contexts and if they say it in certain places they will get in trouble. It's all about teaching self-control. But then again, I don't have kids.

    As for crying kids on planes, I have to admit I don't like listening to it. But instead of giving people the stink-eye for it, I just wear earplugs & take Dramamine. Problem solved.

  29. PREACH!!!!!!!!!! I may not be a mama, but I cannot stand judgey people!!! Especially those without kids judging a parents decision.

  30. You hit the nail on the head sista! If people would quit worring about organizing and controlling, and just let LIFE happen, things would be easier for them. I only do laundry and clean if I have to! I have better things to do like play with my kid in the mud and stuff! ha! I don't mind the mounds of dirty clothes as long as I still have clean ones to wear! I do not censor my cursing around my soon to be 4 year old. I have always told him that things I say are bad and he knows not to repeat them. We all know that one day he will hear and repeat them. So I don't hide it from him. Great post Hot Momma!

  31. Ok your kids are just too funny and cute. Why fight it! :) Naked is just more comfy!

  32. When I have a baby and become a mama, I want to be just like you! :)

  33. This is great! I love everything about this post! Your kids are so freaking cute - I love how he's posing with your friend and her kids in the picture- soo stinking cute! I'm with ya on all of these points!

  34. Why I love Raven? You tell it like it is. Or how you really feel.

    I couldn't agree with you more. I live to be happy! I agree with you SOOOOO much in this post, it really made me happy to hear someone else lives like this & thinks like this.

    {laughing} I have {tried} to become the labeler, only because I drive my self CRAZY because I am what my husband calls a "stuffer", and I forget where I put things. But in all reality it's to help organization. I am the most UN-organized person E.V.E.R!!

    L.O.V.E.D this post!

    Oh and one more thing, my nephew STAYS naked. Seriously, he hates clothes. Only, one time I kneeled down to him {wearing what I thought was a t-shirt} to talk to him about Thomas the train movie {how weird}, and randomly got poked with his tallywacker. -- I couldn't helped but laugh hysterically. Just thought I'd share!

  35. ummm I LOL"d at this whole post!! (I needed a good laugh today, TY!!) :)

    You are the kind of mama all the kids are going to want!! You let your kids be themselves and you are raising them to be great men!! I love that you let them be naked, who cares is right!! I also love that if they want to polish their nails you are ok with that!

    I hate judgy people too!! WHenever ppl tell us what we are doing "right and wrong" I tell them to mind their own business, my kid, my rules. Unless I ask for advice, don't give me yours. Olivia is happy and healthy and that is all that matters!! :)

  36. Yup. Yup. Yup. I grew up in a household where everything was organized and spotless all the time. While I still had a wonderful childhood, I constantly rebelled against the rules like having to fold our underwear and not being able to put holes in the walls to hang posters.

    Those type of things just aren't that important to me. Let your babes be naked. We're all naked under our clothes. Screw the people that judge you. I'm not a mom yet, but I will never understand why some moms are so competitive and judgemental. We're all in this life thing together, ya know?

    Now, I'm going to go sit around in my Thomas the Train underwear. Proudly. :]

  37. Love your attitude! And those pictures are hilarious...love it.

  38. oh miss raven! ok, i don't even know you that well, but i swear I want to be a mother JUST LIKE YOU! my favorite posts on your bloggy are those about parenting and your boys. i swear you could write a book - and i would be the FIRST to buy it. i am nowhere near kiddos, hell i gotta get married this fall first, but i respect you so much as a mother! it's so obvious your boys are surrounded by love of an ahmazing momma!

    btw - TRUE true story...i killed my first snake yesterday. i have never killed one in my life. it was a little bitty thing, but i smashed it with my shovel like a big girl. you would have been so proud. hahaha!!!!

  39. oh miss raven! ok, i don't even know you that well, but i swear I want to be a mother JUST LIKE YOU! my favorite posts on your bloggy are those about parenting and your boys. i swear you could write a book - and i would be the FIRST to buy it. i am nowhere near kiddos, hell i gotta get married this fall first, but i respect you so much as a mother! it's so obvious your boys are surrounded by love of an ahmazing momma!

    btw - TRUE true story...i killed my first snake yesterday. i have never killed one in my life. it was a little bitty thing, but i smashed it with my shovel like a big girl. you would have been so proud. hahaha!!!!

  40. Reasons why I love your blog, you speak what's on your mind!! And you're post are funny Lol i don't bother putting my boys clothes on if it's going to be hot. There's no point.

  41. I just love this post along with all of the others. I couldnt agree with you more and Im learning this everday and how to let go. Between my OCD and ADD Im a crazy person so now I just pour my a glass or 3 or 4 of relax juice and bam you have it....I dont give a F

  42. All of these pictures of Gunner are making me LOL big time. He reminds me of myself when I was his age!!

  43. i forever love your attitude. I love that you let kids be kids! I certainly don't care about undressed, dirty children- what makes me more upset is little girls who are scolded for going outside and getting their hands dirty- ugh! Let them play! Like Suri Cruise in heels at the playground..

    and I feel for all of us when there's a crying kid on the plane, the parents especially. We're all in it together!

  44. I would have bust up laughing if I heard a little boy do/say that to someone! Moms these days are so judgmental, it's ridiculous.
    At least I'm not the only one who lets my little guy run around half nekkid! Your pictures are too cute. Love this post!

  45. He is my long lost child....he will be on my wall in the family photo!

  46. People judge way too quickly. There's nothing wrong with a naked child. My boyfriends little boy is always naked. I have tons of pictures of him running around in his pullup and tennis shoes. I love it!!!! And more power to you with the bikini although I don't believe you have an ounce of fat and your GORGEOUS!!!! I however am fat and will not be wearing a bikini HAHA

  47. We were at the park the other day and the Mom wouldn't let her kids get on the swings because they had on dresses and tutus. So why even bring them to the damn park?!! And I'm being judgy.. but It was 95 degrees outside.. please take the 5 foot hairbow off your child who is begging to have it off. Life is too short to be dressing your kid up like a princess doll and expecting them to "sit pretty".

    I love Gunner in that picture. LOL!!!!

  48. You are awesome Raven!!!! I love your attitude!! You do what YOU want to do and don't care what others think
    About it! Love it and totally look up to it! xoxo

  49. I just finished my coffee, and I had to pee. And then I saw the 'where's waldo' picture, and I laughed. And since I've had four kids, I then had to go change my pants.

    Note to self: don't hold the pee.

    Fabulous post. And so true. My kids wear what they want. Shoes, clothes, hats. Whatever. I don't put shit on the babies I wouldn't want to wear, and I think there's very little that's as awesome as naked babies.

    My kids are happy, healthy, silly, fun, and obnoxious as hell. MY WORK HERE IS DONE.

  50. couldn't agree with you more. they're your babies and momma knows best! my fav is him in you're friends pictures. priceless ;)

  51. New follower! HAHAHA - this post cracks me up!!! :))

  52. Beautiful post and blog!:) Would you like to follow each other?

  53. Aw thanks Raven. No I don't call him anything for short. Sometimes my mom calls him Zay for short. You look young!

  54. I read this post, and thought about my future children, and how redneck of a mom I'll be. People must have better nerves than me to be worry over a damn starched crispy ass outfit for their four year old boy to wear on the daily. Barf! Those pics of Gunner bustin up in that pic are hilarious. And the, "I just popped your ass" made me LOL. This is just the kind of shit that would give my MIL a coronary.

  55. Raven you are the best mom ever! And i love your little nakey babies. Your whole approach to motherhood and life rocks and I'm so glad I have your digits for that day I get married and knocked up - you will be on speed dial :)

  56. HILARIOUS!! Kids are going to cuss. I mean if the parent does they are going to hear it and going to repeat it...it happens. A few days ago my cousin said "DAMNIT BANDIT" (her dog whom she loves) because her mommy said it and we all just died laughing! Shit happens!!!
    And I am in love with him naked and driving the car. We never wore clothes as kids & to be honest the first thing I do when I get home is strip down to the bare minimum! I mean life is short...who cares about clothes.

  57. Dude our men would be best friends, mine are never fully dressed, on good days Vincent and Luke together will make one full outfit haha My sister in law had a shit-fit when I let Vincent run around in our front yard with only a diaper, I was like who gives a crap, and if someone really judges me because of it then I didn't want to associate with them anyway!

  58. Gunner would totally fit in with your friend's kids if he weren't naked! The funny things is, I didn't even notice at first. I love you attitude, I always tell be that when we die, we're not going to think, "Gee, I wish my house had been cleaner." We're going to be happy we spent time with our family.

  59. Thanks for being the BEST role model ever! I want to be JUST like you when I have kids! I even sold my hubby on your vaccination theories!!

  60. I just found your blog and girl, you are haa-larious!! So is Gunner by the way, you've taught him well! I love the way you look at things. My sister has 4 little girls, yes 4, all under the age of 8. Those children are never fully clothed and say the wildest things none of us adults could ever imagine. However, they are the happiest kids to be around and have the best outlook on life (even that young). Keep doing what you're doing- you gained a new follower... now. xoxo

  61. I freaking love your kids. That is all. :)

  62. "on't want ya'll thinking I let my sons tallywack hang out for all to see." welllll now ... they both tried to run around naked in front of our room in hawaii and i can attest that you put undies on them. I mean, who in their right mind would care if a kid was running around in underwear?

  63. Ha! Pretty sure I'm naked in about 90% of our old home videos and pictures...my mom didn't care either. My son isn't often naked, but that's because he demands that I put clothes on him if he is...whatever keeps 'em happy/calm!

    P.S. Your boys are just so damn cute.

  64. omg raven i am crying from laughter

    literrally tears down my face.

    i can't even spell (see above)


    ps-i think you're a good mom. truly.

  65. so i came to this post from reading your most recent post...im blog stalking u today basically..what else is new?

    but anyway my mom has a picture of me drinking out of a water bowl on the floor like an animal..i was older than yours in the photo..wearing my lil brothers diapers for fun..so i mean, no judgement here, except im judging myself.

    second, i nannied once for newborn twins and a three year old...i mainly had the 3 year old while the mom was double breastfeeding it up..but i was at the mall with the twins one time, and they were SCREAMING and i was sweating and people were looking at me like this young teenage mom (i was 22 but clearly i look about 16) and one person had the AUDACITY to SAY SOMETHING to my face, he was "not as easy as it looks huh?"

    i want to punch him in the face for all of the moms out there.

    and scene.

  66. Just found your blog and I'm in love. This post is perfection. AMEN. AMEN. AMEN.

  67. Yep, still laughing! I mean, seriously I can't contain myself. I also just read your birth story which had me hysterically laughing. K, thanks for the giggles! You're pretty awesome!

  68. Bravo! You're a top parent. If only more parents would allow their children as much freedom as you do... children need to explore, learn and discover! xx


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