I've been thinking of writing this post for a while, but I wanted to make sure everything I was feeling came across how I intended it to in my head, and I didn't want to leave anything out nor speak too soon. So for the past few months, I have been writing things down as they came to me, and I finally feel I'm able to articulate exactly what it is I want to say, so I'm going to share that with you now.

Blog this, blog that, don't be too controversial yet don't be too boring, you don't like it, don't read it, it's my blog and I'll blog whatever I want to. That seems to be a running theme lately in this wonderful thing we call the blogging world. Everyone has an opinion, that's for sure, and how you run your blog is entirely up to you, and I'll definitely never try to tell you otherwise. Sh*t, I have enough problems as it is with my own.

Such as...

Blog controversy. If you've been a reader of mine for a while, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about, so let's just start with the most controversial post I have ever written titled I Dress For Men. I wrote this post back in September of 2012, and I still regularly get comments from readers...mostly negative. Like, really really really negative. That post went semi-viral (it is my most viewed post to date) and at first, the comments I received were nice, respectful, sure some disagreed with me but nobody really crossed the line, and then, oh and then did the outrage begin. Some of the nastiest, most vile comments I have ever received started pouring in, to the tune of 200+. Go ahead, read them, I'll wait.

Not only that, but other bloggers were writing their own posts about me, telling people to contact my sponsors and voice their displeasure over what I had written, I'm sure with the intention and hope that those sponsors would drop me. (No one did, btw.) I was getting so much backlash, so much negativity directed towards me, I was being called the most nasty names and a question I kept getting asked was "why don't you moderate your comments to keep the nasty ones out?"

Here is why: this is my blog, and it is my choice what I choose to put on here. It is my choice to come across the way I do, to word my posts the way I do, and it is my choice to say whatever I want. And I think I owe it to my readers to comment whatever they want, even if it's negative. Just as I write uncensored and openly, I allow my comment section the same freedoms. (Again, this is how I choose to do things. Just because I do it this way doesn't mean it's wrong or right, it's just what works best for me.)

However, the question I got asked the most by far was "why don't you just take the post down?"

And here is why.

Because I have always, always said on this little space of the internet I call mine, that I try to be as real and authentic as I possibly can. I never want to come across as trying to be perfect, I never want others to think I am better then them, and if I make mistakes? I want my readers to see me admit it.

I wrote that post, I published that post, I owned that post and I stand by that post.

And I won't take it down because others disagree, are offended, or because it was received poorly. What would that make me? A coward? Hypocrite? Inauthentic? Three things I definitely do not want to be seen as.

What I can do, and what I will do, is admit when I am wrong. And in regards to the previously mentioned post, are there things I regret writing? Things I am now embarrassed about? Yes. I regret lumping all feminists in one big "men hate them all" category. I was trying to get a point of view across, and I f*cked that part up. Do I think some feminists have done great things for women and their progression? Absolutely. Do I think some feminists need to chill the f*ck out? Absolutely. Do I think some feminists give women a bad name, and on the topic of men, completely turn them off? Absolutely! Just like not all "mommas" are good people, not all Christians are good people and not all doctors are good people, not all feminists are good people nor do they help women and how we are perceived. Are there some feminists out there who do help women and their rights and also make fantastic wives and mothers? Absolutely. There are always bad seeds no matter what group of people we are talking about, and that is what I was trying to get across in my I Dress For Men post, however I can look back and admit how I wrote that part came off as offensive and poorly worded, and for that, I sincerely apologize. (I still stand by my opinion of cardigans, and that I still like to dress for men, and good for you if your opinion differs. If we were all the same, this would be a very boring world!)

Were parts of that post a mistake to publish? I think we can all agree that it was. But by taking it down, it's like pretending it was never there, that it never happened. However isn't that what life is all about? Making mistakes, admitting them and learning from them? What's that saying, "all my mistakes have made me stronger and into who I am today?"


I like to think so.


I have another part to this post, where I reference my second most controversial post of all time, written for a completely different reason, but since this was getting a little lengthy, I'm going to share that part with you tomorrow.

The other day, I was having dinner at my moms house. My grandpa, mom, sister and her boyfriend were all in the kitchen, sitting around the island having some appetizers. My mom was washing something at the kitchen sink, when my four year old walked up to her, hit her in the behind and said nonchalantly, "I just popped your ass."

Crickets.

No one said anything, it was dead silent. 

A little confused, I looked around at everyone trying to avoid my gaze, and finally said, "it's ok. You can laugh. Rob taught him that."

Cue awkward laughs from everyone in the room, when my sisters boyfriend says, "Oh, ok. At first I was like, did I just hear that right?!"

Yes. My husband has taught my son to "pop" people's asses. Which is actually pretty funny until you pick him up from school and the teacher looks at you and says, "We need to talk." (Totally happened.)

And? I'm totally fine with my kids saying the word 'ass.' Poppin' someone's ass? Humorous. Calling someone an 'asshole?' Not ok and they know it. It's the context in which they use the word that makes it ok. Parents today can be so overbearing and so uptight, so....judgy.


My kids are always naked. (And by naked, I mean underwear/diaper only.) If we aren't going out in public, they never have clothes on. Going to visit my parents? My sister? Driving through Espresso World every morning to get a coffee? Naked. I mean, if the weather is nice, I just see no point in clothes. All it is is extra laundry and extra work for me, because they will be peeling off their clothes eventually.

This is the text convo I had with a new friend when my kid was over at her house for the first time on a playmate with her son...

friend: um, Gunner just took off his shirt and he's saying that he's hot

me: that's ok

friend: omg! He just took off his pants! What do I do?

me: well, if you don't mind him being naked, it's ok with me

friend: ok, I just don't want you think that I'm undressing your 4-year old over at my house

me: he never wears clothes at home. Just tell him I said he has to keep on his underwear (wink face)

True story. I mean, take a look at Exhibit A:

My friend Brandy came over and wanted me to take a few pics of her and her kids (and no, I am not suddenly a "professional photographer." I used her snazzy camera and just pushed the button). Gunner was tagging along, and he managed to sneak his way into the pics...in his underwear...



where's Waldo Gunner. he's the 4th kid she never knew she was missing

About the mom judgy thing... I notice how other moms judge my son and his nakedness. Like I said earlier, I dress them (minimally) if we have to go in public, say, to Target or the grocery store, but if we're at the park? And Gunner is hot and sweaty and wants to take his clothes off?  (paging Nelly)  I just don't care! (Remember, when I say "naked" I mean underwear only. Don't want ya'll thinking I let my sons tallywack hang out for all to see. Now that would worth judging.) But a 4-year old running around in his Thomas the Train underwear? Who gives a sh#t?!


out in the rain with a hoodie and no pants

With my "who gives a sh#t" attitude also comes with how I respond to others. Your kid is running around in his underwear at the park? Who cares! Your kid is shirtless in Target with dirt all over his face? I have boys, I get it. Your daughter is screaming bloody murder on the airplane? I've been there. (And don't even get me started on those people who give moms with crying kids the stink-eye on airplanes. I honestly want to get out of my seat and smack them halfway to Sunday. Like I said, I've been there, and how dare anyone judge a situation where a baby is crying on a plane. DON'T get me started...)

Life is short.

You're time here is limited.

You are perishable.



WHY, oh why waste it by caring if the pantry is organized to the hilt and labeling everything with those stupid print-out machine stickers? Why care if clothes are hung up by color?! Why care if my kids eat chips and cookies in my bed? So what, there are crumbs. That's what a washing machine is for! Who cares if I look perfect in a bikini? I'm exactly the same person if I have a belly pouch as I would be if I were a hot-body supermodel.

Some things I just don't get. And caring about having a 'model' home, or perfectly dressed children, or a perfect body, or caring if the freaking spatula is put away in the wrong drawer...I just don't get!

I just don't care.



What I do care about?

If my kids are loved. 

Feel secure.

Taken care of.

Happy? Yes, I want my kids to be happy, but that is not what life is about. (Post coming on that soon.)

I guess what I'm trying to say is that when it comes to most (unimportant) things in life?

I just don't give a flying youknowwhat.

ps. yes, I realize that spellcheck changed the word "playdate" to "playmate" up above. I was going to change it, but couldn't bring myself to do so. It was just too funny when I re-read it.