Hey bishes! I'm here today guest posting because let's face it, this blog could use a little spicing up. While my mom is still crying into her wine glass over my little brothers haircut (it was months ago! get a life!) I'm gonna share with you a few nuggets of four year old wisdom.
yeah, I have pink toes. Gotta problem with it?
But first, let me introduce myself. My name is Gunner James Smith, but you can just call me The Big Gunz. My favorite food is chocolate pudding and if you try to get your hands in my snack pack, well, let's just say it didn't work out well for the last guy who tried.
That last guy being my brother.
He's now missing a finger, but shhhh....don't tell my mom.
Not like she would notice anyway. She's too busy "working" aka blogging and photoshopping herself so you all think she's some hot stuff or something.
Trust me sweeties, she does not look like that.
Talk about an optical illusion.
And she teaches me not to lie. Hypocrite.
You know how my mom always says we love to be naked? Well, that's true. But do I need her splashing those pictures all over the interwebs for all to see? No, no I do not. I'm eventually going to get a serious girlfriend (like in a year or two) and I don't need her googling me and seeing photo after photo of my nekked booty. So inappropriate, mom.
You know what else is inappropriate? My mom's bizarre obsession with Britney Spears. Really? How old are we again? Isn't she a little...immature for a grown woman with two kids to idolize? Grow up mom. You should listen to someone more age appropriate... like Barbara Streisand or Bette Midler.
I really wish I could watch Spongebob Squarepants, but my mom says it's the work of the devil. Oh yeah? I think you trying to shove that j.lo of yours into jeans two sizes too small is the work of the devil. I may be young, but I know what "muffin top" is and it ain't cute.
Speaking of muffins, did I mention that chocolate is my favorite food? My mom always tells me that "it's unhealthy to eat chocolate all day long" and that I can only have it "in moderation." So that's how it is? You really wanna go there? Because I also believe that drinking vodka "all day long" is unhealthy. BAM!
I think I'm gonna grow up and marry a liberal just to piss her off.
That last guy being my brother.
He's now missing a finger, but shhhh....don't tell my mom.
Not like she would notice anyway. She's too busy "working" aka blogging and photoshopping herself so you all think she's some hot stuff or something.
Trust me sweeties, she does not look like that.
Talk about an optical illusion.
And she teaches me not to lie. Hypocrite.
You know how my mom always says we love to be naked? Well, that's true. But do I need her splashing those pictures all over the interwebs for all to see? No, no I do not. I'm eventually going to get a serious girlfriend (like in a year or two) and I don't need her googling me and seeing photo after photo of my nekked booty. So inappropriate, mom.
You know what else is inappropriate? My mom's bizarre obsession with Britney Spears. Really? How old are we again? Isn't she a little...immature for a grown woman with two kids to idolize? Grow up mom. You should listen to someone more age appropriate... like Barbara Streisand or Bette Midler.
I really wish I could watch Spongebob Squarepants, but my mom says it's the work of the devil. Oh yeah? I think you trying to shove that j.lo of yours into jeans two sizes too small is the work of the devil. I may be young, but I know what "muffin top" is and it ain't cute.
Speaking of muffins, did I mention that chocolate is my favorite food? My mom always tells me that "it's unhealthy to eat chocolate all day long" and that I can only have it "in moderation." So that's how it is? You really wanna go there? Because I also believe that drinking vodka "all day long" is unhealthy. BAM!
I think I'm gonna grow up and marry a liberal just to piss her off.
Peace out sugartits
Hahaha, hilarious! Just what I needed to wake me right up :)
ReplyDeleteI just spilled my drink from laughing so hard.....best guest post EVER! Well done Big Gunz ;) BTW Ms. Spears is a perfectly acceptable role model for moms, it could be worse, it could be Oprah, or Spongebob! (the horror)
ReplyDeleteyeah, or it could be BRITNEY SPEARS.
Delete-The Big Gunz
SUCH a funny post Big Gunz is the man! I cant wait until my little man can do posts (he isnt even born yet but fun to dream right) ;-)
ReplyDeleteLMFAO! Omg this is hilarious! Love it! Love the nick name The Big Gunz!
ReplyDeletemy favorite part? the fact that spongebob is the work of the devil. um gunner hello you took the words straight out of my mouth. oh wait, those are mama's words.... well mama, i couldnt agree more with ya!
ReplyDeleteJust spit out my morning coffee!
ReplyDelete"sugart*ts" I die!
Rock that nail polish lil man!!!!
hahahahaha oh Big Gunz I think I just fell in love with you!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking you need to do online parenting courses through blogging cause you are the coolest.mom.ever. My mom-idol, if you will. I'm way too serious and I'm hoping if I have kids one day I can be as funny and awesome as you.
ReplyDeletesugart*ts was by far the best part of this entire thing!
ReplyDeleteMy keyboards now has coffee sputtered all over it! LOL! Freaking Hilarious!! "Sugart*ts"!!!! Love it - and yeah, those nekkid pics are all for the first date to see - aren't we supposed to embarrass our children? I mean, where would the fun be in not embarrassing them!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the LMFAO this morning!
OMG...I offically LOVE Gunner! That was hilarious! Can he please marry my daughter ( in 27 years, when she is 30 of course).
ReplyDeleteraven!!!!!! stop it! please do this more often it was SO cute and clever and hilarious!! hahaha i love yall.
ReplyDeleteThats Awesome! Totally made my day! And yay for pink toes gunner, my boy is also sporting pink on his toes... You two would be great friends...
ReplyDeleteHubby recently told me there was a study that says that watching Spongebob makes kids dumber (more dumb?) either way, who knows if it's true but I've never liked the show so I'm cool with it being x'd from our house. but now?? Husband bans it. Like he would put a setting on the tv if he could to block it. So yes, mama, yes I agree with you (I mean gunner) :)
ReplyDeleteGunner.
You are my hero.
Your posts just make my day and put a smile on my face! Love Gunner's take on the world!
ReplyDeleteHahaha...I loved this. I think Gunner should guest post more often :)
ReplyDeleteLOOOVE it!!!
ReplyDeletehaha! He's gonna go marry a liberal! This was the best post ever!
ReplyDeleteI die....I LOVE this kid!!! Gunz, you need to guest post more often because you are just too funny!
ReplyDeleteHaha! That is too funny! What a great guest post :D
ReplyDeleteHa!! Marry a Liberal and Sugart*ts!! You have me dying out laughing.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteOMG you are too funny!!!
ReplyDeleteBAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! I love this SO MUCH! So funny. My favorite part... "I might just marry a liberal to piss her off." :)
ReplyDeleteDying. Absolutely dying. Can this be a weekly feature??
ReplyDeleteHahah too cute.
ReplyDeleteBig Gunz, You ROCK! I love your sign off! Sugart*ts! Momma better watch out 'cause girls are gonna be ragin' over you sweet thang!
ReplyDeleteHe is seriously so stinking cute! And I agree about to Sponge Bob. I'm totally not a TV Nazi or anything but that is one show I refuse to let Reagan watch.
ReplyDeleteBest guest post ever! LMAO!! Sugart*ts!!! LOVE!!!!
ReplyDeletehahaha I'm pretty sure this is the best guest post ever! love it!
ReplyDeleteOMG I love big gunz and his Mama is a hoot. Thank you for this. :)
ReplyDeleteBahahahaha Gunz has quite the tude. You need a "classics" section and this needs to go in it
ReplyDeletebig gunz, i love ya!
ReplyDeletenobody gets between The Big Gunz and his chocolate pudding!
ReplyDeletegreat great great post....but mama don't listen to the Gunz about Britney. Idolize her all you want girl!
hahaha nice guest post!! I can't even pick my fave part. All too funny!
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha! "Sugart*ts". So rad. Bring the Big Gunz back more often!!! : )
ReplyDeleteHahaha oh Raven you are hilarious! Great post, the best part is I am imagining him saying all of this in his little man voice and it's hysterical!
ReplyDeleteThis is perhaps the BEST. GUEST. POST. EVER. from blogland!! Big Gunz is hilarious!!!
ReplyDeletesugart*ts - bahahaha... I thought my hubs was the only one who said this. Good to know it's 4 year old language!!
ReplyDeleteah hahaha, I love you Gunner!! Love the glasses btw.
ReplyDeleteI cracked up!
ReplyDeleteIs it sick that I actually pretend my little guys talks to me like this too?
He makes a face at me and all I can think he's saying is "...the fuck, Mom."
omgggg bahahahahahahahhaha this is so funny! i love it! how freaking cute are you gunner!? love the pink toes..rock it! and um i am beyond obsessed with britney spears!!! ive seen her a few times in concert, she is aaamazing...just keep dancing till the world ends!! & i dont care how much photo shopping you do, youre one hott mamma & i still cant believe you have 2 boys! i hope to be as cool & cute as you when I have children!
ReplyDeletexo
This seriously just made my day. Since I have watched so many of your videos with Gunner in them, I can TOTALLY hear him saying all of this. Love you guys :)
ReplyDeleteHahaha this def made me laugh out loud!
ReplyDeleteAnd this is the reason I love your blog...you are hysterical!!
ReplyDeleteThis is too great! Love your hilarious self!
ReplyDeleteYou HAVE to do this more often. Hi-larious!
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Does gunner have my glasses on?
ReplyDeleteA kid with such a personality!!! Where did he get it :)
ReplyDeleteHilarious! Big Gunz, you must take after your mommy! I could not stop laughing!
ReplyDeleteBig Gunz you're so funny! You need your own late night show...you know when you're older & you can stay up past 8.
ReplyDeleteBuhahaha! So funny! Awesome post!
ReplyDeleteLoved the spin on this post! You talented motha you! Loving his pic, pink toes and all! XOXO
ReplyDeletehahahahahhahaha
ReplyDeleteThat may just be the best post ever! LMAO :-)
ReplyDeleteThat may just be the best post ever! LMAO :-)
ReplyDeleteThat was awesome and super creative Raven! Loved every minute of it. Oh and as for Britney....kids will never understand how amazing she is!
ReplyDeleteToo cute!!!!!! I just found your blog today and I love it!
ReplyDeleteCOOl , so cute.
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ohhhh my gosh I am laughing so hard. i actually just spit out a little red wine on myself. thanks a lot.
ReplyDeleteThis is HILARIOUS!!! New to your blog.... love!!!! Have a great weekend <3
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAHAHA! love THIS!
ReplyDeletexo
this is wonderful!!
ReplyDeleteur kiddo is too cute for words!!
sugartits..lmao
LOL...
ReplyDeletebut in your defense Raven, Spongebob is definitely the work of Satan.
You are so dang creative & this was adorable!!!!
ReplyDeleteFreakin' hilarious! I love this!
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omg. I have NEVER laughed this hard in my life. I love y'all!!!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete"Peace out sugart*ts" is my favorite part! Wow I love your blog already, I'm so glad I found it! This is just too funny! I was trying to not crack up at work..
ReplyDelete"Peace out sugart*ts" is the best part, I seriously am stifling laughter at work! I'm so glad I found your blog, this is so clever!
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