DON'T QUOTE THE RAVEN: 20 Ways You Know You Are From The Tri-Cities

6.11.2014

This post is totally inspired by I Wore Yoga Pants 40 Things You Can Relate To If You Live In Orlando. Since my hometown has about, oh, 1.8 million people less than Orlando, FL, I shortened my list to 20. Not that I think bigger cities have it better, no no, I just think us smaller country folk don't need such a long list to defend our homestead. Sorry Whit, you know I love you!

And so here we have it:

20 Ways You Know You Are From The Tri-Cities...

- You consider tumbleweeds landscaping.

- Speaking of, you know you're from Tri-Cities when a tumbleweed the size of your car blocks traffic.

- You have severe allergies.

- You swear you will never move back after college but almost everyone does because "it's a great place to raise a family."

- The cops in your town just sent out a public notice saying you will, in fact, be given a ticket for driving in the left lane for anything other than passing.

- The wind here is out of control. #ooc on instagram people, use the hashtag! So out of control, if you walk outside in the buff, it will exfoliate your skin. Win…win?

- You have the best seat for the Water Follies Hydroplane Races. It isn't like when they come to Seattle, and you are watching from miles away, no, here in the Tri-Cities, you are so close they need boat patrols to shield you back in case you get ran over and/or decapitated by a hydroplane. Like I said…best seats available.

- You know what goat heads are, and no, they aren't literal goat heads. They are six-sided pokey thingies that dig into your unsuspecting feet like sharp knife blades and make you want to kill your pets.

- We are partially responsible for winning World War II because we helped make the plutonium for the atomic bombs which helped in the war.

Oh yeah, you know you're from the Tri-Cities if…

- Your high school mascot is an atomic bomb. Mushroom cloud and all.

- You had your first kiss, or your first whatever, at a fishing hole.

- Off-road sand dunes are as common as a highway.

- Going out to dinner on a weekend night means waiting at least half an hour. A half an hour?! Eff it, Tri-City peeps bounce out and hit up the local Burger King…because…

- You know you're from the Tri-Cities if you don't have a Chick-fil-A, Cheesecake Factory or Nordstroms within four plus hours out.

- You go to Albertsons in Pasco and you're the only one with shoes on…sorry so sorry, I tried so hard not to make a hoof reference but seriously…who here has been to the Pasco Albertsons and not noticed the shoeless peeps? Being shirtless has just become a cultural norm…but shoeless?

- Your airport only has two people coming in on each flight. I'm totally okay with this, as long as my girl breezy is one of the ones who shows up. I picked her up first in a chicken costume…she will be flying here again in July…hmmmm…what shall I do then…whatever it is, my kids and husband already love her…

- You catch a rattlesnake and your sister bbq's it and eats it for dinner.

- If your hairdresser says it, it's true. Seriously. No if's, and's or but's in the TC. Hairdressers are the end all, start all, know all. Period.

And finally, you know you're from the Tri-Cities if…

- You went to breakfast and saw your mom, dad, sister, brother, cousin, second cousin, third boyfriend, second fiancé, fourth lover twice removed, long-lost nephew twinsies in-law uncle etc.

- you tell the 15 people you know who read this blog in the Tri-Cities to read it because… This Is How We Know We're From The Tri-Cities!!! dot dot dot…

………