A letter to my boys

7.31.2014

On Fridays, I sometimes like to repost one of my favorite old posts.

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To my two boys, the loves of my life and the reason my life is worth living:

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just a few words from your momma...

Treat people kindly. Respect the elderly. Share your toys.

Laugh a lot.

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Violence is not the answer, but self defense is. 

Never, ever start a fight. But you better damn well finish it. 

If I ever find out you are being a bully or partaking in bully-like activity, be prepared to come home to nothing more in your room than a bed, one blanket, and one change of clothes. That includes underwear. Everything will be taken away from you. You will have no privileges and I can only imagine the talking to you will get from your father. Believe me when I say you will feel like you are at the strictest, toughest boarding school ever if you bully another human being. That is, if we don't decide to just send you away to one.

That goes for sticking up for the person you see getting bullied also. Standing back and doing nothing is just as bad as being the bully yourself. Remember that. 

If you want to paint your fingernails pink, paint 'em pink.

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However I would prefer you go with "bad-ass black."

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(also, don't overdo it on the self tanner like your momma tends to do)

I will at times force you to do things that put you outside your comfort zone. I'll never put you in danger, but sometimes we all need a little "push" in order to overcome our fears.

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You can thank me later.

I hope you become strong men, the leader of your household, the provider for your family and the ultimate protector. I hope through my teaching and example that one day you will find a woman to marry who upholds Christian values and has strong moral character. Someone who is not tarnished by the feminist movement and who believes in standing by and sticking with her man. 

I hope that you will always see the value in that and will in turn treat your woman like a goddess, always put her on a pedestal and never think twice about swimming through shark infested waters just to bring her a lemonade.

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I hope you always stand up for what is right, even if it's not the popular opinion.
Especially if it's not the popular opinion.

I hope you to stand by your convictions, keep your word and always stay loyal to those whom you love. If you mess up even once, it's hard to get that trust back.

On the other hand, I hope you know that you are not, in fact, superman. You will fail and you will fall down. But it's how you get up and start again that is the true measure of a man.

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I hope you always stay close to your momma, but once you are married, your wife is your first priority, and she is the one who matters most. If you marry the right woman, then she should be. 

I hope you raise your own children with an iron first, so they can see what it means to be a strong man and father. However, I hope you aren't too tough that you aren't afraid to cry with your children and show vulnerability. And to always tell them you love them. Tell them everyday. They need that.

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Also, get down on the floor and wrestle with them every chance you get.

Thank you for letting me take gazillions of pictures of you. Because we both know that when I present something like this:

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what you really feel about my always shoving the camera in your face is this:

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Thank you for letting me get those moments on film so I can keep them with me forever.

Also, please forgive me for putting your guys' hair in a ponytail.

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And for dressing you up like a girl.

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(In my defense, this only happened once)

Never betray your brother. When the whole world is against you, your brother will never leave your side. You may not believe me now, but he IS your best friend.

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Respect your country. You may not always agree with the person in power, but remember, it could be a lot worse elsewhere.

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Don't believe that you know it all. That couldn't be further from the truth and it just makes you look silly. A wise man knows that he is never done learning.

Hold on to your innocence for as long as possible.

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Work hard. Very hard. Get your hands dirty. Your dad and I will always spoil you with love, but when it comes to making a living, that will be completely up to you. Even if we have millions by the time we die, it won't just be handed over to you. You will have to work for every penny.

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Please don't be a cat person. Your mom hates cats.

On the other hand, always have a dog in the house. On your worst days, that dog will love you unconditionally. He always will. Even if you forget to feed him or leave him out in the snow. THAT, my friend, is true love right there.

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Always open the door for women and the elderly. Give up your seat for the pregnant. Chivalry is becoming a lost art, it's up to you guys to keep it alive.

Let the kids win.

Always lead, never follow.
Unless you are following Jesus Christ.
Just try never to let Him get too far out of your sight.

And always, always, alwaysalwaysalwaysalwaysalways

know just how much I love you.

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106 comments:

  1. Aw this is the cutest thing ever!! Your little boys are so adorable!

    xoxo
    Petchie
    http://itsallofthelittlethings.blogspot.com/

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  2. I'm not a mom but this brought tears to my eyes.

    Your little boys are very lucky to have a momma like you :)

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  3. So sweet! I'm not a momma yet, but I can see that your boys have a very loving momma. And I loved what you said about bullying!

    Ha, anonymous ... TAKE THAT!

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  4. omg i am such a sap! this brought tears to my eyes!! such wonderful advice for your boys.

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  5. SO so cute and touching and perfect! I still cannot get over your littlest one's hair -- it is all over the place and so freaking adorable, I will SO hope for a child with hair like that!!

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  6. i can't be this emotional so early in the morning ... thanks a lot Raven! :)

    but wow, the sweetest post ever. your boys would really love this letter when they read it in the future.

    you are beautiful!

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  7. Seriously. Can we be friends?

    You are the most amazing person ever. And your boys are so, so lucky to have a momma like you.

    I only hope that someday I find a man who shields the sun out of his boy's eyes and treats me like your hubby treats you. And someday I wanna be a momma just like you so I can write them letters like this.

    You are amazing, but that goes without being said.

    Keep being you.

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  8. You know I'm a sucker for a good letter to someone :) This is precious. And so heart-warming. xoxo

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  9. You seriously need to print this out and give this to them as a gift one day...or frame it to hang up in their rooms. I love this...so beautiful.

    I love the part where you say "Never, ever start a fight. But you better damn well finish it." My daddy used to tell me that.

    Thank you for sharing this with us! You have such a beautiful family and those 2 boys are lucky to have such a wonderful mommy (parents) like you!!!

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  10. awwww

    I love every word of this post.

    Next time I do a post about love, this will clearly be part of it!

    If your boys follow their parents directions and examples, I have no doubt they will turn out to be amazing men!

    I also admire your marriage... we've discussed it before to an extent... but I very much hope to have a relationship like the one you and your husband share one day.

    You are awesome. Gunner and Colt are the cutest kids ever. Cats are gross. : )

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  11. WOW! So sweet, so beautiful and SO REAL! What an amazing amazing letter. I hope your kids appreciate the thought and love you put into writing it. I'm sure they will when they are older!

    You are an amazing example of a loving mother who just wants the best for her kids. Your paragrah on working hard is something other parents need to learn. While I'm not a parent yet, I plan to adopt the same approach.

    Thanks for sharing your letter and your life!

    Have a great week!

    xoxo

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  12. Seriously the best letter ever! It's nice to hear that people are still raising their boys to become MEN. And that you are teaching them that they are the leaders. All that feminist crap makes me sick. Nice work!! I hope my daughter marries someone like this!!!

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  13. LOVE this letter!!! Your boys are SO fricken cute!!! & that quote at the end is my FAV!!! I put that in Olivias baby book I made her with pictures of me pregnant with her!

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  14. Oh Goodness! Your family is absolutely GORGEOUS!!! I am swooning over your babies, they are precious. What a blessing! xo

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  15. LOVE LOVE LOVE LUUUURVE this letter. Seriously chocked me up, it was so sweet! Oh and I love that pic of Gunner with the black beanie and skull. You must tell me where you got that thing

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  16. I also LOVE the picutre of gunner with the black beanie! Can he merry my niece please?! and that last picture I want to make that and put it in my house! This post was amazing! Man you've been getting serious on us.

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  17. Thanks for making me cry. And thanks for writing this because it is EXACTLY the kind of parent I hope to be one day, therefore I made Bryan read (not skim through) this entire blog post. He loved it too! You rock... and are so inspiring!

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  18. Um buying them kittens for Christmas.

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  19. Wow Raven, as a Momma that just touched me. You should definitely print this out for the boys or frame it. I hope they follow all your wonderful advice. I'm keeping Gunner on the future hubs list for Boomer for sure now :)

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  20. This is such great advice. I hope you use ALL (if not most) of those pictures for their senior pages in their yearbooks someday.

    They are seriously so freakin' cute.

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  21. This was perfect! Made me get some tears!

    Loved the part about never getting a cat. I'm with ya sister!

    And swimming with sharks to deliver your wife lemonade...perfect!

    Your boys are lucky to have a Momma like you Raven!

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  22. This is the sweetest, cutest thing ever!! :)

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  23. Soooooooo sweet! I love what you said about bullying! And great pictures.

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  24. Love this! Your boys are the cutest!!!

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  25. I agree with everything!

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  26. Love this letter, so sweet :)

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  27. Sweet note, and your kids are SO cute!!

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  28. That was beautiful. Your boys are adorable.

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  29. Perfect letter to boys that you want to be real men. You are an amazing mother of course, but this shows just how amazing you want them to be. LOVE IT! LOVE YOU! LOVE THOSE PICS OF THE BOYS! :)

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  30. that is seriously the sweetest thing I've ever read! And could your boys get any cuter? O my goodness. You definitely need to print this out and give it to them one day :)

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  31. This is so cute. Your kids are adorable! :)

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  32. OMG! This is so precious! Your boys are so lucky to have such a loving and caring mama! :)

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  33. Such a beautiful sentiment!!

    You, my dear, are one of the best parents I know! Thank you for committing to raising your boys to be men. They are going to be a blessing to everyone they come in contact with- in fact, I'm sure they already are. :)

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  34. This is so so so cute! Cutest little boys ever!! And wonderful advice!

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  35. Ok, I know that I can always come here and laugh, but now you have made me cry. That was the sweetest most beautiful thing I have read in a REALLY long time. Awesome :) And your boys are beyond handsome! Good job momma!
    xoxo

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  36. This was my best read of the week. Love this. So weet. seriously print this for them. I love the photo of the hubs blocking the sun. :)

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  37. This was my best read of the week. Love this. So weet. seriously print this for them. I love the photo of the hubs blocking the sun. :)

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  38. This is awesome. You guys are such great parents.

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  39. I love this, and once they're old enough to read it I'm positive they will love this forever. You are such an incredible mom.


    Side note, I love your new header and side bar design.

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  40. oh.em.gee raven...i heart this post! i can't wait to be a parent one day and feel this kinda love for my child. your words are truly beautiful and your boys are lucky to have such a awesome and hott mama!

    my fav line: "never think twice about swimming through shark infested waters just to bring her a lemonade." - LMAO - love it!!!

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  41. This is sooooo precious! Your kids are beyond gorgeous... I especially love the mohawk!! :)

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  42. well this is the sweetest letter I have ever written, I couldn't have said it better myself... I hope I am as good a momma as you when I have littles of my own!

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  43. that made me tear up that was the sweetest thing i have ever read!!! love it!!!!

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  44. Ew, why is my face leaking?

    Seriously. Precious.

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  45. So sweet, so sweet!! I love your advice- ESPECIALLY your strictness on being a Bully! I always stood up for other people getting bullied growing up and not only did it help me feel powerful and confident in my own shoes, it helped me to meet a lot of quiet people whom I never would have met before. Besides, we all fall short in some areas, the person who is too shy to stand up to bullying themselves could probably teach you a lot in another area. I love the vibe you give about being a proud Mom, Woman and how they need to respect that though I would never say "tarnished" by the Feminist movement! At the end of the day, Feminism is about choice and I think that's beyond wonderful and has allowed women from all walks of life to be confident in who they are- whether they want to be CEO or a Stay At Home Mom, the ability to proudly 'choose' is what the message is all about :) I love how you want them to be fine young men but also never deter them from being KIDS, I love that so much (please take a hint Katie Holmes, why is Suri in heels all the time?!?! Riddle me THAT!), painting nails and all that jazz doesn't make them anything besides kids exploring their world so thank you for not being scared of that niche. And being a former tanning addict who reluctantly has to use the safe-UV free tanning now... I dig the overuse of the taning oil, what can I say? I never get over that orangey glow and strive to have it. And so true that your Siblings are your best friensd. Mine certainly are. They're always there. Love this post, these boys are lucky to have you as their Mom Raven.

    PS- last night I watched your 11 min video with your husband, so funny, I was cracking up. Especially with his classy opening line of "ASS". hahahah. So great, you guys are cute.

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  46. Love this. So sweet. : )

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  47. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  48. What a beautiful post about your babies, Raven! I loved it. I love the last picture with the quote about love...SO sweet!

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  49. I am usually laughing when I read your blogs at work to make my day go speedy quick, but today I was trying not to cry! This was beautiful and good for you for teaching your boys about chivalry it truly is a lost art! Love your blog you are great! Keep on doing what you do!

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  50. aww this is the sweetest thing ever! awesome advice mama!

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  51. I'm crying now! Damn you.

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  52. this brought tears to my eyes. being so much older than my little brothers, i always think this stuff about them and can only hope they grow up to be fabulous men.

    you're wonderful and those boys are so lucky!

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  53. I absolutly LOVE this post!!

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  54. Aww, Raven...this is beautiful...brough tears to my eyes. You have adorable boys and I know they will be all those things and more!!

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  55. I love your posts! you make me laugh so often! I have to come out of blogger hiding and comment on this one. love love love! I have a 3 year old lil man, and I want the same for him! brought some tears to my eyes!

    -Jayne

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  56. Love this post. I bet they'll enjoy reading it when they're older.

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  57. Beautiful. This is the way boys should be raised :) They will never doubt for a second how much you love them!

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  58. THis brought tears to my eyes Raven! My goodness! SO so sweet. You are such a sweet and awesome mom I just KNOW this. I wanna do a post like this now damn it but I am not as creative and blog frenzdy as you! (is that a word!!? lol)

    haha, um, I SO think you and your hubby should try for just one more, shoot for a girl--after all those painted finger nails, and your son dressed up in a dress, AND their hair up!? come on now! lol GO FOR IT haha

    I was so excited to put Sadie's hair up like that because I seen my hair in pictures like that when I was little@!

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  59. Totally made me tear up! That was beautiful!

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  60. This post is SO perfect. Beautifully written and well said!

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  61. your boys are gonna be heartbreakers someday. AND this post about broke my heart. So sweet and heartfelt. There are too few kids lucky enough to get this kind of advice.

    and "Someone who is not tarnished by the feminist movement" made me choke on my mac n cheese. HILARIOUS.

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  62. This may be the most awesome thing you have ever written. I LOVE THIS!

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  63. Oh R- this was the most sweetest thing I've read. XO

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  64. That was seriously the sweetest thing I have read in a really long time!!! Beautiful!

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  65. Oh my gosh...this is the sweetest thing ever and I ADORED all of the beautiful pics of your fam!!! I feel like this should be the lyrics to a song...great job, momma...and dressing a boy as a girl only builds character:)

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  66. ok wow this is absolutely AMAZING Raven

    everything you said is so true!! I wish all of these things for my future kids.

    TAKE THAT anon....Raven is an amazing mother!!! :-)

    love this and love you! <3
    xoxo

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  67. First of all, your little guys are ADORABLE!

    Also, I totally agree with you! My hubby and I are a little bit "hard ass", but we love our little boy so much. We just want him to grow up and be a good person!

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  68. Raven! I felt like I was reading something written by my parents - could not agree more with 100% of everything you said.

    no one raises real men anymore - men who love their country and have morals and have respect for other women and who know how to freaking work!! love love love that you are raising two real little men!

    this post is glorious amen! :)

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  69. wow miss raven! you brought tears to my eyes. i hope i can be this type of parent one day and tell the exact same things to my kids. i read your blog religiously and it is so obvi that you are such an incredible mother. kudos to you hott stuff :-)

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  70. Wow! This is awesome! They will appreciate this one day! I hope I'm as wonderful of a mom one day as you are to your boys! XOXO

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  71. This is really sweet. I'm sure your children will grow up to be wonderful people. The girls they will love will be so blessed.

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  72. This is so sweet. Not even gonna lie, I teared up. You are the best momma.

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  73. raven this was the most beautiful post.
    i love it.
    i teared up
    you are so sweet and you will raise your boys to be amazing men. =] xo

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  74. This made me laugh and got me all teary too! Such a sweet post.

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  75. You should write a book entitled "How to be a Kicka$$ Mom".

    Seriously, no joke! =)

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  76. What a wonderful post. I can only hope that more Moms are teaching their sons the same things you're teaching yours and that more moms are teaching their daughters how to love and respect a good man like I hope I'm teaching mine!

    That quote is my all time favorite!

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  77. Well that just made my day. I love when you write to your boys, like on their bdays, it always makes me so happy!

    Gunnar and Colt will love reading these when they are older! I love all of your advice. Seriously, siblings are built in best friends :)

    I am so lucky to know you, Raven! You have a such a good heart. I'm glad you took the Annon, off your blog. You don't need to negativity! you are beautiful and NOT FAT. You look WAAAAY better than any one I know. HOT MAMAAAAAA

    I miss your blog and I'm glad I got to read a few on my short little break. Love you lady!!

    Sabrina Says

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  78. Raven-this is SO sweet! Look at you, you big ol' softy! ;)

    Your boys are THE cutest! Ever.

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  79. Ohmygoodness, Raven...I think I just shed a tear...or two, maybe three.

    You are such a good momma. <3

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  80. Dammit Raven...thanks a lot for making me bawl. Love this post, all of your words are so sweet and just what little boys need to hear. x

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  81. I love this, I teared up a little and then pretended something was in my eye when my husband saw me. He never understand when I cry about my make believe blog friends.

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  82. Aw, I love this...and your hilarious pictures of the cutest boys EVER. They are lucky to have u, momma :)

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  83. This was amazing! I have a four month old little guy, and these are exactly the lessons I would love to share with him! :-)

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  84. Raven, this is the sweetest post. love it. you are a great mom!

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  85. Absolutely love this. You are such a great mom. Your kids are ADORABLE! <3

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  86. This is the cutest post, Raven! Your boys are adorable, and it's nice to see how much love and support you give them. They're sure to grow up to be great guys.

    I have to say though... how could you be against feminism, girl?! I was especially shocked by one of the comments, above calling it "disgusting." Yikes! Without it, us ladies would be stuck at home, popping out babies and baking pies all day. I can see being weary of the militant, "we don't need no man!" ideology when it comes to your baby boys, but feminism is all about equal rights, opportunities and pay for women. How could anyone call that disgusting?! There are worse your little guys could end up with than strong, independent, educated and successful ladies who can carry their own weight and create an equal partnership, no? =]

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  87. soooo late comment here, but in my defense I'm a relatively new reader and you did link to this post today so...

    I agree with and love so much of what you wrote here, but I can't help to feel a bit offended with the statement "Someone who is not tarnished by the feminist movement and who believes in standing by and sticking with her man."\

    I found this pretty surprising because so much of what you said has to do with the respect of humans as a whole. Sure, some people are going to go a little crazy and turn feminism into some anti-men movement, but really the whole idea is to respect a woman the same as you would respect a man- not more or less, just the same.

    I'm all about standing tall beside the person you chose to be with through thick and thin, but I 100% believe in a woman doing it for her man and a man doing it for his woman(or a partner doing it for his/her partner for that matter... but that's neither here nor there). To me that idea is a big piece of the feminism movement. It's simply about the right to respect and equality for all. I hope each of your boys find a woman who would go through hell for him and put his needs first- and I hope they would do the same thing for her.

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  88. catching up on blogs just seeing this and it's amazingly awwwesome! The quote on the sign? I couldn't even speak I was so overcome with emotion when I read it the first time I saw it on pinterest. so very true.

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  90. AnonymousJune 27, 2022

    Work hard. Very hard. Get your hands dirty. Your dad and I will always spoil you with love, but when it comes to making a living, that will be completely up to you. Even if we have millions by the time we die, it won't just be handed over to you. You will have to work for every penny.
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