7.24.2012

If you really knew me...

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If you really knew me...

you would know that my Christmas decorations are still up. Right now I am staring at Mary, Joseph and little Baby Jesus. They currently reside on top of the wine fridge...

you would know that someone eating with their mouth open is the ultimate of disgusting to me. I try really hard to be a polite person, but that? I cannot deal. I will take food away from my kids if they can't eat with their mouth closed.

you would know that I am not a hugging person. I don't like it. However, I don't slight anyone who tries to give me one. Like I said, I try to be polite.

you would know that I love parties and big crowds. 

you would know that I love to eat and drive. Seriously, if I go through a drive-thru? I tear into my food before I leave the parking lot, so I can eat it while driving before I get home. 

you would know that my husband and I do not have a perfect marriage (or anything that resembles that) but we are always trying... (oh snap, I just got serious...)

on that note, I take nudie pics for my hubs and make photo books for him. I think he keeps them in his truck. And if you really knew me, you have probably seen those pictures...

If you really knew me...

you would know that I almost always laugh in awkward situations. 

you would know that I don't cry. except during Grey's Anatomy. and sad country songs. and sometimes episodes of Dr. Phil.

you would know that my "don't give a crap" attitude is for real. I really don't.

you would also know that I take anxiety meds daily. how's that for ironic?

you would know that as much as I declare my love for Britney Spears, I think she's totally got a few screws loose and most definitely do not idolize her.

you would know that I texted my sister Boobie and asked for her help. If anyone knows me the best, it's her.

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Soo...........

96 comments

  1. holy fuck this is hilarious. and its nice to know you a bit better, whether its that you don't like hugs or that you drive naked ahah.

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  2. omg, i'm crying from laughing so hard! I can't believe you posted that conversation =)

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  3. This is greatness! Love it!

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  4. Where do you make these photo books?! I always get worried sending out the pictures, LOL

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  5. Love Brits additions. I knew about the toe nail thing... I still have pictures.

    Did Rob really give you an enema?

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  6. Seriously love this post and your honesty! Unfortunately I also chew on my toes, it's disgusting, but I love it!

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  7. omg hahahah! I love this! It is so awesome to read a blogger who is totally ok with not being perfect or appearing to be perfect. You rock Raven!

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  8. oh man and here I thought I really knew you. Those texts are killing me. I really didn't think it was possible to laugh more than I already have at your blog. And tell that husband of yours to keep those pictures locked up. Have you seen your breasts?! I'm pretty sure every man (and numerous women) will be trying to hunt down that truck of his.

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  9. Haha! This is awesome, I especially like the one's your sister brought up. I'm sure these things are what make us like you even more. Strange thing I also hate hugs or just the touchyness in general, but I don't have a problem touching boys ;) Who Knew! lol

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  10. OH MY GOODNESS. Seriously. You're crazy. And that's why I love reading your blog. HAHAHA

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  11. Loved getting to know you more! Sisters are the best! I'm dying laughing at the txts!! And hold up... I take nudie pics for my Hubs too! #goodwifeyclub

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  12. Haha thanks for sharing! Love the texts between you and your sis :-)

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  13. bahaha I'm dying laughing! :))

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  14. HAHAHA Im obsessed with you.

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  15. oh my god, this is hilarious. I love that you're honest about your marriage not being perfect, because mine certainly isn't - and people need to know before they get married that it won't always be perfect ... in fact, most times it won't be close.

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  16. Love the texts between you and your sister!

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  17. Hahahah I can't read your posts at work! People think I'm crazy for laughing out loud for no reason in a silent office. This is too funny, I just love the texts at the bottom.

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  18. i havent even finished reading this post... but i have to let you know that if we ever meet... i'm going to give you the most overbearing and obnoxious hug possible. that is all. :]

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  19. you absolutely kill me. i want to give you a hug just so i can see your face while i attempt it, hahaha.

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  20. LOL...Love the convo with you and your sis, too freakin funny!
    I also TOTALLY despise anyone chewing with their mouth open, it is my biggest pet peeve in life, for real. I can't stand people chewing too loud either, I know you can't help it but it makes me friggin nuts. We are currently working on my 2 year old chewing with her mouth closed, it's going ok but not quick enough!

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  21. Oh my! I LOVE these, but the conversation with your sister was the BEST!

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  22. You are seriously the most awesome person, ever.

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  23. Cracking up right now! Baby Jesus on your wine fridge? Love it. And your convo with your sister is amazing...too, too funny!

    I'm one of your newest follower...hello, nice to meet you! :)

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  24. LOL .. OMG, I can't read your posts at work! People think I'm crazy for laughing to myself! That conversation with you and your sister, too freaking funny!

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  25. hahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahha








    ahhhhhhhhhhh
    hahahahhahahahhahahah

    love this. you're so awesome.

    and hubs is a lucky guy....

    i like to say i'll do a nudie pic and then send a google image of a naked 300 pounder.

    eventually the requests stopped....and i havent been dumped yet! ;)

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  26. you and boobies texts

    omg dying

    if u really knew me, you'd know i have to look up what ENEMA is

    would you let me hug and squeeze u the day we meet!?!? I HOPE!! hahah

    love the nudie pic ones. I think i may have seen 1 or 2 of those gems ;-)

    LOVE this ravey pants!! (your name in my cellphone for your new number haha)

    xoxox

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  27. Hahaha, love this. And I am a total Britney lover too, but I think her craziness is part of her charm. Maybe that makes me a little crazy too?

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  28. You, dear Raven, have made my afternoon, with this post. LOL funny!

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  29. You are just amazing. Nothing short of amazing!!!! Maybe I should take nudie pics of myself for my hubs....after the baby. Def after the baby! LOL!!!

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  30. You are so hysterical. I love all of your sisters options! LOL

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  31. hahah cracking up! I'm not a hugger, or a crier either!

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  32. Love this!
    LB
    www.accordingtol.com

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  33. One of the best if you knew me post yet I have read. Thank you so much for your honesty. Especially the one with your husband. Other blogs I read, I am just like eek is everyone in a cinderella and prince charming romance(eyes rolling)lol. Love your blog!

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  34. L.O.V.E!!! That totally just made my day. Seriously, thank you! :)

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  35. DYING over your texts with Boobie! Hilarious.

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  36. Awesome!!

    Thanks for sharing the real you (like always!)

    made my day =)

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  37. Omg. You get me every time. Love it like always.

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  38. Oh my gosh... you could be the funniest, and almost my favorite, blogger ever. OF ALL TIME.

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  39. HA! I know you now! LOL xoxo A-

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  40. I aaalways laugh in awkward situations. And when I'm nervous. It's the worst!

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  41. I am DYING!!! That is freaking hilarious!!!

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  42. shut the front door!!!

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  43. DIED at the enema part. died.

    and i posted this post today too..#twins

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  44. I think I just peed my pants a little bit reading this!

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  45. Oh. Em. Gee. That was absolutely AWESOME! God, I'm so glad I "met" you on here...I'm liking gettnig to know you..I think I need to do one of these blog posts, too!!

    ~Kristen
    mamawinkle.blogspot.com

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  46. I laugh in awkward situations too. what else can you do? ha

    Tab

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  47. This is hiliarious!!! the text convo had me dying!

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  48. BAHAH! Omg, that text convo cracks me up! Iwish I really did know you.. my life would be awesome!

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  49. When people chew with their mouths open i want to fucking slap them. I had to say the eff word to show how much it really bothers me. That shit is NASTY! Lol.

    And with a bod like yours, of course there are nudie pics! You're a hawwttttieee!!!!

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  50. hahahhaha omg... the text conversation at the bottom killed me. If only you posted a really "out there" confessional with all sorts of things like that conversation, you'd have all your readers pissing their pants haha.

    LOVED it!

    -Kelsey
    http://kelseylenay.blogspot.com/

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  51. Boobie was icing on the cake! Driving while naked? That's where Gunner and Colton get their nudity from! And it's A OKAY! lol

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  53. oh jesus those texts are hilarious.

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  54. your christams decorations are still up...hmmm that is one of my pet peeves haha! i love your i dont give a shit attitude, bc thats exactly how I am too...you always leaving me laughing! xoxo Kelly

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  55. I'm so much like you. I hate hugging people.. it's weird. I feel uncomfortable. I do it if they make the move. And chewing with your mouth open is my number one pet peeve... my parents hate eating with me because I'm such a nut about it, always have been.

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  56. Oh my gosh you are hilarious! :)

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  57. hahaha well I guess this was the best 1st post to read by you since I'm new here. and might I say you're a pretty funny lady! I hope you pass by my blog soon to check it out! :)

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  58. omg. hilarious!! especially the text convo! i've had my christmas tree up since '09, so i think i've got you beat on that one! ;)

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  59. i adored everything about this!!! The texts between you and your sister were AMAZING! I'm so glad you shared!

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  60. Can I just say...I Love You Man!!

    Well, too late if the answer is no...I snorted my drink out of my nose on this one!! Better than getting an enema I guess! :D

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  61. hahaha, omg!! i was having a craptastic day and this just made it!!!!!

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  62. Make my day!! Hysterical, as always. I'm not really a hugger either. Nothing wrong with that :)

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  63. OMG you are so funny! I love your "don't give a crap" attitude - wish I was more like ya! ;)

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  65. Really glad I am not the only one who sends and takes nudie pics to her hubby! :)
    MY hubby I mean. I send them to my hubby! Not Raven's! lol

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  66. I seriously just spit out my sweet tea! Geez could you be any more of an introvert if you tried???!!
    I would love to have a sister who I could share all my craziness with - y'all are lucky!

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  67. HYSTERICAL! I am now positive we would be besties in real life.

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  68. Hahahaha! I'd love to have a sister to text with like that!

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  69. I absolutely love this post! The texts with your sister omg almost died! I might steal this from you!(with proper credit of course)

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  70. HAHA! This post is too funny.
    I send my other half pics like that all the time.
    I'm definitely a hugger though, but only to people I like.
    Love the convo between you and boobie! HAHA!!

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  71. Haha! It kinda is TMI but we're used to that by now! Love it!!!!

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  72. Hilarious I love it!

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  73. Freakin hilarious!!! What the crap?! Awesome way to start my day reading this...... And laughing!!!

    When I was little I sat I across from my dad at the table. Is way of stopping me from eating with my mouth open? DRAMATICALLY chew with his open, to get his point across. It always hurt my feelings so bad, and I would cry everytime(bc I didn't realize I did it). But now I'm sooo thankful he taught me to break the habit. I cringe seeing people in restaurants (GROWN people) smacking and what not.

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  74. I think I about died reading those txt msgs between you and your sister!

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  75. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...love this post! Funny girl.

    Your sister rocks as well.

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  76. Is it weird that I want you to send me a picture of your boobs?!?

    Since Im in the market Ive been requesting to see everyones! bahahah!

    I just told Chris last night that I wanted to see our friends and he totally thinks Im losing me mind!

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  77. This is soooooo funny!!! hahaha luv luv luv it

    Ms. S

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  78. ahhahahah omg. You are too much. I love that text conversation.

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  79. The convo with your sister - hilarious! Mouth-open chewers are gross. I hate it.

    I need a little bit of your "don't give a crap" attitude. I fret over dumb shit far too often.

    And did someone say party? I'm there!

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  80. AnonymousJuly 25, 2012

    Please, tell us more about the photo books and suggestions! My husband would love that!! Also, I don't REALLY know you, but I think well enough to know that the Obama Ad to the left there on the sidebar has to make you ape shit;)
    Love your blog!!!!

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  81. You are fucken H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S! I'm totally stealing this from you ;-]

    Oh and I send pictures to my love of myself...naked.

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  82. HAHAHA!!! I love the honesty that you can have with us, even though we don't REALLY know you, it's probably easier that way. Thanks so much for sharing. You are hilarious and fabulous!

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  83. HAHAHA! Wow. This was amazing.

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  84. Lmao!!! Love the text MSG between you and your sis. Hahahahaha

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  85. bahahahaha dying! Though i didn't expect anything less.

    I guess I do "really" know you because I have seen some of those pics. I think...

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  86. OK #1 I message my sister for stuff like this too, although I can never use her answers...maybe I should start, because those are priceless. Haha. I totally get the anxiety med, but not caring thing. I let EVERYTHING roll off my back and I actually like/get along with everyone, but I totally get anxiety. There's no point trying to explain it...it is what it is!

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  87. O.M.G. I just did one of my own & it wasn't nearly as funny as yours. I thought the first half was great, but don't be surprised if those text messages show up on Funny or Die. An enema?? Hysterical!

    XO
    Marissa

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  88. I love your 'I don't give a shit' attitude. :)

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  89. I loved the text pictures of you and "Boobie". Doesn't shoe blog? Why do I think one of your Sisters blog?

    I don't like when people chew with their mouths open either. Love that your Christmas decor goes on the wine fridge, haha.

    And because I know you get like 248350957948 emails because you're FAB, I will just comment about your weekend post here too so I don't clutter up your inbox and look like a complete creeper. You look amaze next to the other skinny bitches so shut up. I always love your bikini tops. One day, one day I will get fake boobs, but I have to get rid of this baby weight first. Glad you enjoyed yourself!

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  90. OhEmGee!! I am cracking up right now reading the text between you and your sister! Hilarious!!!!!

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  91. oh my god i just found your blog from living in yellow and holy crap you are hilarious. i already love you!

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  92. Truth, Who does your anxiety belong to?

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  93. I've always admired you from afar, but have never commented until today. You are my rock star! Thank you so much for your honesty!! You're one of the rare, real people in blog land!

    My marriage is far from perfect too. I sometimes get depressed reading blog after blog of how "perfect" someone's marriage is, but you reminded me that I'm not alone. Marriage can be hard!

    And I'm right there with you on the no hugs issue. :)

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