I won't lie, there are times I really want to be famous. So famous that everyone knows who I am. On the other hand, I would be terrified if I suddenly became a household name, because I know dirt would be dug up on me, really muddy dirt that I would be mortified if the whole world knew.

I know there are pictures out there of me from my past that would disqualify me from any future Thanksgiving dinners. I've done things and been a part of things that I never want my parents to know about. I've broken many a rule, gone places I never should have gone and done things I never should have done.

But let's be honest, who hasn't?

Right now, at this very moment, I'm pretty happy with who I am. I think I'm a pretty good mom, a semi decent wife and a helluva good cocktail mixer. I'm content with my conscience, and I know I'm an all around good person.

Still. If someone were to write my history book and publish it for all to read? My first reaction is that I would be mortified. I mean, I've done some pretty sketchy stuff, some stuff that may be considered illegal in 49 states. So yeah, for that to get out might be a little embarrassing.

On the other hand, I did it, I'll own it, and I can admit when a mistake I did make. Everything I've done in the past, good or bad, has made me into who I am today. And if we're being honest and humble, I'm pretty f*cking cool. Only if we're being humble and honest...

I guess what I'm trying to say is I've never really done anything that would devastate me if the truth came out. I've never slept with my sisters boyfriends, I've never voted Democrat and I've never slathered crisco butter all over my body to accelerate my tan in a tanning bed. (It works. It may eventually kill you, but hell it works.)

Now all I gotta do is decide on a name for my book...

I think "Shoulda Woulda Coulda: It's All Gooda" sounds....gooda...

What would your history book be called?

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If you really knew me...

you would know that my Christmas decorations are still up. Right now I am staring at Mary, Joseph and little Baby Jesus. They currently reside on top of the wine fridge...

you would know that someone eating with their mouth open is the ultimate of disgusting to me. I try really hard to be a polite person, but that? I cannot deal. I will take food away from my kids if they can't eat with their mouth closed.

you would know that I am not a hugging person. I don't like it. However, I don't slight anyone who tries to give me one. Like I said, I try to be polite.

you would know that I love parties and big crowds. 

you would know that I love to eat and drive. Seriously, if I go through a drive-thru? I tear into my food before I leave the parking lot, so I can eat it while driving before I get home. 

you would know that my husband and I do not have a perfect marriage (or anything that resembles that) but we are always trying... (oh snap, I just got serious...)

on that note, I take nudie pics for my hubs and make photo books for him. I think he keeps them in his truck. And if you really knew me, you have probably seen those pictures...

If you really knew me...

you would know that I almost always laugh in awkward situations. 

you would know that I don't cry. except during Grey's Anatomy. and sad country songs. and sometimes episodes of Dr. Phil.

you would know that my "don't give a crap" attitude is for real. I really don't.

you would also know that I take anxiety meds daily. how's that for ironic?

you would know that as much as I declare my love for Britney Spears, I think she's totally got a few screws loose and most definitely do not idolize her.

you would know that I texted my sister Boobie and asked for her help. If anyone knows me the best, it's her.

Soo...........