I've been thinking of writing this post for a while, but I wanted to make sure everything I was feeling came across how I intended it to in my head, and I didn't want to leave anything out nor speak too soon. So for the past few months, I have been writing things down as they came to me, and I finally feel I'm able to articulate exactly what it is I want to say, so I'm going to share that with you now.
Blog this, blog that, don't be too controversial yet don't be too boring, you don't like it, don't read it, it's my blog and I'll blog whatever I want to. That seems to be a running theme lately in this wonderful thing we call the blogging world. Everyone has an opinion, that's for sure, and how you run your blog is entirely up to you, and I'll definitely never try to tell you otherwise. Sh*t, I have enough problems as it is with my own.
Blog controversy. If you've been a reader of mine for a while, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about, so let's just start with the most controversial post I have ever written titled I Dress For Men. I wrote this post back in September of 2012, and I still regularly get comments from readers...mostly negative. Like, really really really negative. That post went semi-viral (it is my most viewed post to date) and at first, the comments I received were nice, respectful, sure some disagreed with me but nobody really crossed the line, and then, oh and then did the outrage begin. Some of the nastiest, most vile comments I have ever received started pouring in, to the tune of 200+. Go ahead, read them, I'll wait.
Not only that, but other bloggers were writing their own posts about me, telling people to contact my sponsors and voice their displeasure over what I had written, I'm sure with the intention and hope that those sponsors would drop me. (No one did, btw.) I was getting so much backlash, so much negativity directed towards me, I was being called the most nasty names and a question I kept getting asked was "why don't you moderate your comments to keep the nasty ones out?"
Here is why: this is my blog, and it is my choice what I choose to put on here. It is my choice to come across the way I do, to word my posts the way I do, and it is my choice to say whatever I want. And I think I owe it to my readers to comment whatever they want, even if it's negative. Just as I write uncensored and openly, I allow my comment section the same freedoms. (Again, this is how I choose to do things. Just because I do it this way doesn't mean it's wrong or right, it's just what works best for me.)
However, the question I got asked the most by far was "why don't you just take the post down?"
And here is why.
Because I have always, always said on this little space of the internet I call mine, that I try to be as real and authentic as I possibly can. I never want to come across as trying to be perfect, I never want others to think I am better then them, and if I make mistakes? I want my readers to see me admit it.
I wrote that post, I published that post, I owned that post and I stand by that post.
And I won't take it down because others disagree, are offended, or because it was received poorly. What would that make me? A coward? Hypocrite? Inauthentic? Three things I definitely do not want to be seen as.
What I can do, and what I will do, is admit when I am wrong. And in regards to the previously mentioned post, are there things I regret writing? Things I am now embarrassed about? Yes. I regret lumping all feminists in one big "men hate them all" category. I was trying to get a point of view across, and I f*cked that part up. Do I think some feminists have done great things for women and their progression? Absolutely. Do I think some feminists need to chill the f*ck out? Absolutely. Do I think some feminists give women a bad name, and on the topic of men, completely turn them off? Absolutely! Just like not all "mommas" are good people, not all Christians are good people and not all doctors are good people, not all feminists are good people nor do they help women and how we are perceived. Are there some feminists out there who do help women and their rights and also make fantastic wives and mothers? Absolutely. There are always bad seeds no matter what group of people we are talking about, and that is what I was trying to get across in my I Dress For Men post, however I can look back and admit how I wrote that part came off as offensive and poorly worded, and for that, I sincerely apologize. (I still stand by my opinion of cardigans, and that I still like to dress for men, and good for you if your opinion differs. If we were all the same, this would be a very boring world!)
Were parts of that post a mistake to publish? I think we can all agree that it was. But by taking it down, it's like pretending it was never there, that it never happened. However isn't that what life is all about? Making mistakes, admitting them and learning from them? What's that saying, "all my mistakes have made me stronger and into who I am today?"
I like to think so.
I have another part to this post, where I reference my second most controversial post of all time, written for a completely different reason, but since this was getting a little lengthy, I'm going to share that part with you tomorrow.