{written last night}


My Nonie went home to Heaven tonight.


She could very possibly be standing face to face with Jesus right this very second. 


And that? Is so freakin' cool.


As I write this post and reflect on my life with her, I can't help but feel so emotionally overwhelmed by how extremely blessed I have been to have her in my life. 


You see, my grandparents have been the rocks, the cornerstone, the amazingly loving presence in my life, and in everyone's life that have come to know and love them.


My Nonie was so amazing, it really is hard to put it all into words.


She was the matriarch of our family, and when I say "our family," I'm speaking of one heck of a big group of people. To know her was to love her, without question. I'm pretty sure she did not have one single bad bone in her body. She oozed radiance, empathy, compassion and LOVE. 


See, I grew up seeing Nonie constantly. Lived in the same town my whole life as her, and when I was in middle school my family moved one block away from my grandparents. Summers were spent at her house on the river. All the cousins would spend nights on end there. Her and grandpa took us to Disneyland and the cabin and skiing on the river. Then I got older and married and had kids, and she was always still such a huge part of my life. Just about a month ago, Nonie was rocking my one and half year old to sleep. She loved to rock my babies. She loved my kids as much as I do.





We would email occasionally, and she always had such sweet words of encouragement for me. She loved reading my blog, and even laughed at some of my "inappropriate" blog entries. She loved me and believed in me and because of HER, I am who I am today.


Nonie wrote to me on November 4, 2010:



oh my goodness...i had/have so much to do this morning...like go out 4th st to the egg place for free range chicken eggs...and do my exercise, and walk, and finish my homes and land...and
what have i been doing for the last 45 minutes...right! Ravens blog. Needless to say but YOU
ARE the quintessential blogger!! i'm glad you sent to mercy, and i am going to TELL MY SISTER, whatever you THINK you have to do today...SIT DOWN, AND EXPECT TO BE SUPER ENTERTAINED AND HAPPY HAPPY WITH THE Raven Production!!! Better than any movie, any time.  And just so you know, Jesus makes my heart happy happy knowing that Mommy is taking precious Gunner and Colt to know, love and belong to Jesus!!!! Just Nonie today.  I looooves you ALL so much.



and on March 1, 2011:


Rave, my soulmate, keep taking pictures...I have sat here howling and loving and beginning
my tuesday morning rainy day with a LOOOONNNNGGGG BLOG from my favorite mom...
i'm tellin you, Kid...KEEP all these blogs, they will publish one day, and your boys will
grow up (if Jesus delays) and  they will say "My Mommy...she's my Wonder Woman of
all Time"....No kidding, 30 minutes, and I need a second cup of hot coffee...Love you,
and see you Saturday at Another Unforgettable Day in the Life of The Smiths!!!  Nonie


It happened so quick. She went to the hospital in Seattle for a routine chemo treatment and here we are, three weeks later. But in a testament to what a wonderful person she was, she had many, many visitors while in the hospital. Her five kids basically never left her side. Someone was ALWAYS there with her in the room. My mom slept in the hospital room on a bedside cot. Her grandkids came to see her, her great grandkids came to see her, and of course, her husband of 50+ years was there to sing to her and hold her hand. 


My sister and I drove to Seattle last Tuesday. Nonie was so weak that she couldn't even lift her head, but she was awake and we had a really good talk. I told her through tears that I am the mother I am today because of her. That the reason our family has such a strong foundation and why my kids will grow up learning about and loving Jesus is because of HER. I am SO happy that Gunner will remember his Nonie. Even in three short years, I am certain that her impact on him was life changing. 


Also, one of the first things she said to me when I walked into the hospital room? "You look so good with dark hair. Please don't ever go back to that blonde."


I promise Nonie, I promise. :)

When the hospital decided there was nothing else they could do for her, her family decided to bring her home. To her home that she had lived in for many decades and where her husband and beloved dog, Mocha reside.


That day was today. She got home around 2 pm. I was going to go visit her tomorrow but had a change a plans and went today. I stood by her bed and held her hand, as she struggled to breath. A few hours after I got home, my mom called to tell me that Nonie was now in Heaven. 


I miss her SO much already. And I sit here and wonder how life will be different without her in it. Because it will. She was such a constant in my life, SUCH an inspiration to me and someone I will strive to live my life like every single day from here on out. She was my angel on Earth and God called her home tonight. I am so sad for my loss but SO HAPPY when I think of her right now, up in Heaven, having an actual conversation with her creator, the God she lived her life for. 


She may even be sitting on Elvis's lap right now, having him sing her a few tunes. 


She loved Elvis.


And I love her. And because of her, I know that life does not end with death, and I am certain of where I will be going when it's my time.


And I will end with a few words that my aunt, Nonie's daughter, shared with us in an email the other day. Describes perfectly how God has had a plan since day one.


{whenever I copy and paste something from another page, it totally screws everything up and nothing is cohesive. However, the words are what's in important here, not how "good" my page looks today}


We were all reminded, for those who know and trust Him with our lives, that His purpose for us is 

T H E P R O C E S S itself...not a particular end or goal...but moment by moment trust in Him that He will provide our every need...and that we can remain calm, faithful, and unconfused...in the middle of the turmoil. You know even for you skeptics out there - even the guruʼs say to LIVE IN

T H E M O M E N T !

and finally

Monday morning mom woke up and said to us...I am ready. I am ready to go to Jesus. But I would like to go home to {her address} if you 

all would not mind taking care of me a little longer. We assured her that it would be a privilege and an honor. We are working it out with 

hospice to bring her home, God willing. I will end with MOMʼS BIBLE VERSE that she is claiming - for such a time as this. She loves you all 

and I know that she is grateful for all of your love and compassion. She would say, Thanks for the memories and God Bless.

2 Cor. 4:17-18: "For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we 

look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the 

things which are not seen are eternal" 

I love you Nonie and can't WAIT for the day I get to see you again.






  

Hope I was of some help to you.


And if I wasn't?


I may have to go buy a cat.

Let's start this off with me quitting college to go snowboarding for the winter, and then coming back home to my parents house. I was 20 years old. 

My cousin, who was moving to Las Vegas with his wife and kid, asked me if I wanted to come along. 

I didn't have anything else to do at the time, so I thought "sure, why not?"

I had never been to Vegas. My parents said to me, "Raven, why don't you just pack a suitcase, see if you like it there, and if you do, we will move the rest of your stuff down in a week or so."

Yeah. So not my style. 

I packed up everything I had ever owned, right down to my kindergarden keepsakes. I was moving to Vegas, it was my new home, and I wasn't leavin' nothing behind.

This is what I remember from my ten days in Vegas:

It was sweltering hot. We moved in the middle of June, and I was not used to 110+ degree weather for days.

I applied for quite a few jobs on the strip, waitressing mostly, but everyone asked me if I had prior "experience." Hell people, I may have never served burgers on a tray before but really, how hard is that to learn? No bueno came from those job aspirations. 

After my strip job dreams were murdered, I applied for a job about thirty minutes from Vegas, working for a high powered attorney. I made it through the first two rounds of phone interviews. Then they wanted to see me in person. When I sat down with the interviewer, they asked me a few questions, one being, "do you know shorthand?"

I did not know, so I responded with, "what is shorthand?"

Didn't get that job.

By then it was day seven, my money was almost depleted, and I had no idea what I was going to do.

And then my cuz Terra showed up. She had just graduated college and was in Vegas for a little vaca.

To this day, I'm still not quite sure what went down.

I do remember that we went to Denny's on the strip and my "superbird" obsession was born. (Ever had it? Best. Hangover. Food. Ever.)

Other than that, all I have are a few pictures...

(my first pic in Vegas. Don't be jealous about my super cool high-waisted jean shorts)

(cuz T-bone and I)


I rode a bull.





And then I decided that it was time to go home. I'd had enough of living in Las Vegas so I called my dad and asked him to please come get me. And could he please come today? As in, now?


And in just another harsh realization that the world does not, in fact, revolve around me (I'm still devasted over that fact) my dad told me that "yes, of course I will come get you but I can't make it down there for a few days."


A few days was just a few days too many for me, so I hung up the phone, drove my beloved 2-door navajo to the U-haul joint and got hooked up.


But not before getting a picture taken with the nice employees of said joint.


I like to document everything.








I think they liked us.


Packed up my stuff and drove 18 hours home. 


Straight. Stopping only 5 times for gas.





Then I got a job waitressing at a country club (suck it Vegas!), met my husband and the rest is history.


p.s. tomorrow I will be posting the first installment of "ask me any questions."
I had my sister join me on this one. 
Sneak peak:

I have a Nonie.

Nonie being "grandma" in Italian.

If there were two souls on this planet that were meant to be, they would be ours. I see myself in her in so many ways. We are "different" than most, and we love that. She is incredibly kind, gracious, loving and such a strong woman of God. She had five kids, one of them being my mom. From those five kids came many, many grandchildren for her. All the big holiday events are held mostly at my grandparents house, as it is the place people want to be and feel most comfortable.

There is nothing but love inside her, I am sure. She always has encouraging words to say to me about being a mom and raising my two boys. I run into people all the time who go on and on about what a wonderful woman she is. To know her is to love her.


(Here she is with all us young'ens. Nonie can hang)

Back to her being a strong woman of God. Strongest that I know. If I have ever had any questions about my faith or words of the bible, I go directly to her and from every conversation I walk away without any doubt of my convictions and even more love for God than I had before. My grandparents are the sole reason why so many of our huge family have a personal relationship with God and even more importantly, are raising our children to know God.

In this world that we live in, there are so many challenges to raising kids. I have two sweet precious boys that I want to give the best chance at life, and I know to do that I have to raise them to be strong Christian men, and with an example like my grandparents, I have a very strong cornerstone to learn from.

My sweet sweet Nonie has cancer, however the doctors are very optimistic about her recovery. This is the second time it has came back, so we are all praying like crazy.

This is the thing though.

Nonie loves God so much that I know she isn't afraid to meet Him. Of course, we all want her around forever, as this world is a much better place with her here. But if the time comes one day for her to go home? She is completely at peace with that. And knowing that? Brings me peace.

Here is this person I admire and look up to and aspire to be like, and because of her and what she has passed down to all of us, something that is scary to a lot of people, one day leaving this earth, is not at all scary to me. Because I know exactly where I will be going and it's going to be GOOD.

That said, we are all ready for Nonie to kick this cancers ass and be around for 30 more years.

I need my soul sista and my babe needs her soft shoulder to fall asleep on...



Not one to be left out, Gunner has a little message...



I LOVE YOU SOOOOO MUCH NONIE!

That my friends, is the kiddie part of the waterpark.


As you can see, it has many levels, nooks and crannies, and lots of people.


Obviously, my 3 year old couldn't meander through there alone. Hence, I had to go with.


Up and down, down and up, getting soaked, cold, pushed, shoved, yelled at and more miserable by the second.


The best part? There were lots of stations where people could soak you with water blasters.


Those little pimply faced tween effers aimed those things right at me and would. not. let. up.


Never mind the fact that I had a toddler in my arms who was screaming bloody murder because he hated the water being blasted in his face.


The little bastards almost got a piece of momma Raven but I made the first mature decision of our vacation and decided that just getting the f&%$ outta there would be a better move.


So I got Gunner dried off and looked around for my mom.


Couldn't find her anywhere.


So we start walking around the waterpark. It's 10 billion degrees at this point.


I walk and walk and walk. I stay in one spot, figuring that she is also looking for me, and if I just sit still, we are be bound to find each other.


I look for ONE MOTHER EFFING HOUR.


In the blazing sun.


With a 3 year old who is HOT, HUNGRY, IRRITATED AND PISSED OFF.


Oh yeah, I'm sure you are thinking, "why didn't you just call her to find out where she was?"


Genius idea.


However my mother had my cell phone with her.


I had just about had it and took off from the hell hole that was being disguised as a "rip roaring good time for the whole family" (MY ASS) and who do I spot?


The woman who gave birth to me. Just relaxing, hanging out with the babe, taking a little cat nap in the shade under a tree.


{Taking a few breaths right now as I type. just.....calm......down....}


WHAT THE HELL?! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN??? DON'T YOU KNOW I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU FOR OVER AN HOUR IN THIS HEAT WITH A BESOTTED LITTLE CHILD?????


"Well, I texted you that we would be waiting here for you."


YOU. HAVE. MY. PHONE.


deepbreathsdeepbreathsdeepbreathsdeepbreaths


The only solice I see in sight is that in just a few short minutes, we will be in the air conditioned car heading back to our hotel where my bottle of bacardi awaits.


except.


we had forgotten where we parked.


For the love that is human life, I wanted to kill myself at this point.





Goodbye. We will NEVER be doing this again.





(One guess on who ripped that sign out of the wall and kicked it over)