If you really knew Gunner

9.25.2012


Someone was feeling left out. He wanted in on his own "if you really knew me" post.

So here it is. In his own words.

If You Really Knew Me... By Gunner James Smith.

* You would know that the only reason I'm always naked is because my mom is too lazy to do the laundry.

* You would know that I'm scared of eggs, only because my mom used to throw raw eggs at my face and tell me to "catch."

* You would know that my little brother thinks I'm Superman. Which would make him right.

* You would know that I love snakes.


* You would know that I'm scared of vacuum salespersons.

* And sled dogs.

* And my mom. *side eye*

If you really knew me...

* You would know that my mom has forced me to sport this fauxhawk thingy since as far back as I can remember, which isn't that far, considering I'm only four...


...but still, I hate it.

* You would know that my mom is a hypocrite. She gets me in trouble for saying the same words that she says all. the. time. Hypomom is what she is. Call her that. She likes it.

* You would know that my mom owns, and wears, at least four different cardigans. BAM! there I said it.

* You would know that I know more about Dr. Phil than I wish to. Btw, who was that Dina Lohan chick that was on the other day? She seemed nice. And hot.

* You would know that when my mom asks me how many cookies I had, I always say "only one." Kind of like when daddy comes home from work and asks mommy how many drinks she has had. Hey, I learn from the best.

* You would know that I'm a daredevil. Fun is my middle name and badass-ery is my game.


And finally, if you really knew me, like, really really really knew me...

* You would know that I secretly plan to vote for Obama. 'Cause I want me some free candy.

If you really knew my husband

9.10.2012

A couple weeks ago, I did one of those wildy popular "if you really knew me" posts. So one night, as I was sipping on a vodka soda watching Big Brother, I thought to myself, "self, you should do one of those posts, but about Rob."

Genius, I thought to myself.

I look over at Rob, give him my best come hither eyes, and say, "hey Rob, what is something people would know if they really knew you?"

His immediate response?

"Raven, I'm not playing your stupid blogging game."

me: "it's not a stupid game. Please, just answer the question."

No.

Seriously? Why not?

No.

Fine then. If you're gonna be like that, I'll do it myself. And so I did. I sent out a mass text message to those who really know him well, i.e. my sisters, mom, and his closest nephew, asking them "what would people know if they really knew Rob?"

Below are their answers (which are pretty accurate) along with a few peppered in from yours truly. 

If you really knew my husband...



* you would know that he's a hard worker. If he lost his business today, he would be out tomorrow making money somehow. Laziness is definitely not an option for him.

* if he's your friend, he will do anything for you. Anything.

* he is a very good son-in-law. (thanks mom)

* he is passionate about his boys. 

* he likes his home to look like a model home. (thanks again mom, for bringing up a very sensitive subject between us. Talk about a bone of contention. Btw, it never looks like a model home.)

* he has a very dry sense of humor (hence why I slept with him married him)

* he drinks Coors Light and Crown Royal religiously. I have never seen him order anything else while out at a bar. Ever. 

* he draws epic pictionary drawings. And by epic, I mean one time his word to draw was "chin." And his game partner couldn't guess it. That's how "epic" his drawing was. Chin!!

* he doesn't care much for pro sports but lives and breathes for college sports. In his own words, "pro athletes are spoiled rotten babies. You guys make over 10 million a year so quit whining."

* he hates when girls wear tons of makeup. When I asked what he thought about that he said, "Raven, don't ask stupid questions when you already know the answer."

* his dream girl is (in his exact words) "any gal with a tight ass, sweet t*ts, good body and over the age of 24." I would comment on this but I don't think I need to. Side eye.

* when I asked him what he thought about my blogging, he said he "didn't like it." He said I spend too much time on the computer and that "work comes first, play comes later." When I told him that I partly think of blogging as work because I make a little bit of money, he replied "oh yay, you made enough this month that maybe we can all go out and eat at McDonalds."

* did I mention he has a very dry sense of humor?

And finally, just like last time, I turned to my sister Boobie, who knows me very well and knows my husband almost just as well. 


Sorry about the blur-out above. I am pretty much an open book here but that is definitely not something any of ya'll need, or want, to see. 

The naked coyote story deserves it's own post.

And you can read how he almost made out with my sister HERE.